What An Amazing Week!

I just got off the phone with my daughter after a morning of researching "Letting Go of Adult Children." Sometimes life is very serendipitous.

In case the "linkie thingie" at the top of my post doesn't work, I've found a wonderful blog, Zen In The Art of Living Bipolar, http://bpwellness.blogspot.com .
Even if you don't know anyone who is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I recommend this blog.

To recap my amazing week:

1. Saw my granddaughters on Monday after too many months apart.

2. Excelled in Digital Sound on Monday.

3. Found a safe place where I know I will be helped in my Domestic Abuse Survivors group on Monday.

4. Learned wonderful communication techniques in my NAMI Family-to-Family class on Tuesday night.

5. On Tuesday night, I was surprised by a request to be Project Manager by a woman whom I respect and who has transformed my life on multiple occasions. (I believe that I have used "whom" and "who" correctly in that sentence.)

6. Accepted Project Manager Position on Tuesday night.

7. Helped someone I love on Wednesday morning.

8. Attended my first Creative Meeting in over seven years on Wednesday afternoon.

9. Received another amazing phone call from my boss that has helped me in more ways than anyone knows.

10. Attended Scriptwriting class and workshopped one of the best short film scripts that I've ever read which included defending my viewpoint to the entire class.

11. Successfully handled technical computer/email issues on Thursday resulting in a successful transmission of notes from the meeting and multiple emails.

12. Received a return phone call from my Digital Sound instructor that included an unsolicited Extension offer, understanding and encouragement.

13. Accepted the Extension offer, understanding and encouragement.

14. Thursday night, I posted 16 pages of my script for workshopping next week in Scriptwriting class. (May I add, "YIKES!"? Yes, I'm scared.)

15. Thursday night I also had a wonderful talk/venting session with SA that lifted my spirits, and hopefully hers, too. (BB mostly listened.)

16. Friday morning I followed up with a team member about emails and worked with her to solve IT problems. :D

17. Friday I also made my first mistake in my Project Manager position and owned it honestly and professionally, apologized and promised that I will improve. (This isn't difficult for me, but it certainly isn't fun to disappoint someone who has shown such faith in me and invested so much time encouraging me. I attribute this mistake to nerves and over-enthusiasm focused on NOT making a mistake. Live and learn - and incorporate the learning into future success.)

18. I wrote another page and a half of my script and made corrections on my script on Friday night, too.

19. Friday night also saw the start of another crochet project for an upcoming birthday. (I'm flying on this one. Could have it done in a matter of days!)

20. Did research on Saturday morning about "letting go" and bipolar disorder.

21. Received amazing hour and a half phone call from my amazing daughter followed by a few brief scheduling calls from her. (Yes, I do get my prayers answered! I am also confident that she is capable of handling her life because she is a wonderfully strong, insightful, loving, intelligent and sincere person.)

22. Received a return phone call from one of my favorite people and had a long over-due catch up session.

23. It is now Saturday afternoon, and I'm headed to the showers and to do a few hours work on my Digital Sound homework.

One last thing before I go. Even though BB is only mentioned briefly in this post, I need to make it officially known that he helps me so much in so many ways. I am so lucky to have such a compassionate, insightful, patient, communicative, intelligent, creative, hard-working, and loving son.

People, it's been an amazing week. I am now focused on SUSTAINING Our Successes.

Being Nice

I was talking with a friend yesterday about my choice to be a nice person. Their responses made me think about my choice for the rest of the day.

First they said, "Nice people get walked on", to which I responded, "I do what I want to do, and I don't do what I don't want to do." As I said the words, I knew that they weren't true. I knew that I've been walked on multiple times while doing things that I didn't want to do. I also knew that I've done things to help people because I wanted to help them even though I might not particularly like what I was doing or the time and effort it took to help. Still, by helping I was living up to my spiritual beliefs, so my reward was in the doing and not in the getting.

Secondly, they said, "Nice people finish last; they don't get anything." I responded that I didn't want anything. Well now, that's a bald-faced lie. There's plenty that I want. There's a whole slew of things that I want. It also brought up the whole "Doing -vs- Getting" issue.

I did tell my friend, "Being nice is a part of my spiritual belief structure. It makes me happy. I plan on living the rest of my days being nice because I intend to continue to walk my spiritual path."

My friend just said, "Oh."

It was the way that my friend said, "Oh", that is important, though. There was an acceptance of my choice. There was a calmness, and if I might be so bold, a loving air to that simple response.

So let's chalk one up for being nice, and let's define it a bit more thoroughly.

1. Being nice does not mean a person is unable to stand up for themselves. It means that they can do it in a nice way; firmly. "No," can be said in a very nice way and still means, "No." This will work most of the time with people who love and respect a person. Other measures may have to be taken with people who do not love or respect a person, or in the worst case, mean to do a person harm.

2. Being nice is not about throwing pearls before swine. The more difficult issue is determining if a person is dealing with a swine. There are plenty of charming and manipulative con artists in the world who make a lovely living off their victims.

3. Being nice is about being respectful and loving and using one's intellect and instinct. It is difficult, but through a lifetime of focus, a balanced approach can be achieved.

4. Being nice is about being nice to yourself, first.

I think #4 is the key. If I am nice to myself, first; then, I can make choices based on what I can and cannot do for someone else. I do not want to be a martyr. I do want to do good deeds, though.

So all day long, I was again thinking about my grandma while I did a bit of grocery shopping, clothes shopping, cooking, cleaning, and crocheting. My grandma was nice. She was also firm. She was a Second Grade teacher. She was a Christian. She did not gossip. She read her Bible at least twice a day. She changed with the times and according to the changes in her family. She was intelligent. She was a fierce Field Hockey player as a girl. She was the first in her family to go to college. She put her little sister through college because her father told her that she had to do it. She married twice and outlived both husbands. She understood her first husband, loved him, and had compassion for him that was ahead of her time. My grandma was ahead of her time in many areas. I never heard her raise her voice, nor has any member of the family that I've talked to ever heard her raise her voice. She liked some people and didn't like others. She did get mad. She turned the other cheek. She lived a peaceful, simple life. She did things that people didn't approve of and listened when they told her that they didn't approve of her actions. I've heard that her biggest flaw was that she didn't like confrontation and backed down too often. She worked from sun up to sun down when she had to and had wonderful vacations when she could. She could out go the Energizer Bunny and ran circles around me when I was five years old up until I was around forty years old. She was frustrated when her age prevented her from doing everything that she used to do. She loved me deeply and took the time to show it.

When I think about my grandma, I want to embody all her good qualities. I've always thought of her as a saint, but more importantly, I've seen her as a dignified, gentle woman who did stand up for what she believed in.

I watched her listen to a woman talk about how her husband had beat her. I remember my grandma's gentle words, "You have to leave. You have to leave and take your children." Grandma then let the woman use the phone to call her mother, and arrangements were made for the woman and her children to go there directly from my grandma and grandpa's house. I also remember that the woman's drunk husband came to the house, and my grandma lied and told him that she hadn't seen his wife and children.

About that time, my grandpa came home. Grandpa saw what was going on at his backdoor and offered to drive the man to his house after dinner. My grandma and grandpa had the man to dinner that night. They listened to him, did their Bible study without forcing anyone to join in with them, and lo and behold, the man opened up about how he'd been treating his wife. They listened some more, and suggested that the man might talk to his pastor about his mistakes. They suggested that he stop drinking because it didn't seem to be helping anything. They offered their support to his entire family. They told him that they wouldn't tell anyone what he had told them, but that he needed to get help because he was facing the loss of everything good in his life.

In about a week, the woman, her husband, and their children came to dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's house. While the adults played cards, the kids played. We all laughed and had a good time.

The next summer when I went for a visit, I played with the kids again and saw their parents. Everyone was doing fine.

I want to be the kind of nice that is wise, brave, caring and strong. I've seen what a person gets for being that way; priceless positive change. This is what I want out of life. I want the brains and heart that my "simple", country grandparents had.

I have failed so many times to be this kind of nice. The cost of my failure is immeasurably painful, and the only thing that gives me any hope is that I might be able to make amends and help turn situations around for the better. I realize that not all situations can be mended, nor is it my responsibility to mend them. I can, however, be a steadfast pillar of calm, loving, intelligent support. I can speak up for what I believe even when I'm told that people don't care. I can try. I know who I am now, and who I want to be in the future. It's all a part of my life's journey. I see it now. The only way to survive the heartache of my mistakes is to change my action plan; see the big picture and be the agent for change. It is time to put fear in its place and act upon all the good that is inside me.

It starts by being nice to myself, so I think that I will head off to do some laundry because my jeans are in the wash; and I'd like to go for a walk to the beach just one, measly mile down the road. I must remember what I thought when I left Topanga, "Here the ocean was just one mile down the road, and you locked yourself up in an 8 x 36 trailer all of those days. You silly, silly woman."

It is time to eat some breakfast, drink some water, and take care of me. I have homework to complete. I have housework to complete. I have so many things to complete today. It will be nice to take care of myself and my needs again today.

Tapes OK, so far

Listening to Nicholas Evans talk about his childhood, the American West, and writing "The Horse Whisperer" and "The Loop."

I'm in Heaven.

Karl Malden was superb.

Both men are compassionate, intelligent, giving, kind, knowledgeable, humble, insightful and funny. Their voices are soothing. Their perspectives and communication styles are similar and inspiring. They appreciate humanity.

I learned quite a bit because I was lucky enough to spend some time with these two men when I did. Witnessing their sincerity expressed through their humane, artistic integrity still blows me away. I am so fortunate to have these tapes and to have been in the same rooms, hallways and entrances with these men.

Both men were kind and generous with me - equally so.

Karl Malden put me back together as he was leaving. He did it knowingly, and I let him heal me on the spot. It was an intense moment of maybe four minutes. He rescued me in four minutes with his eyes and ears. He listened and smiled. I'll never forget that moment and will continually strive to be aware enough to pay the favor forward should the opportunity ever arise. I've had the opportunity arise, and have met the challenge many times with Karl's smiling over me while I did it. Course he was joined by many others that have done the same for me.

I so need kindness in my life. I'm a Kindness Addict. This will probably come up again; the ups and downs of being a Kindness Addict.

Nicholas Evans listened to me ask a question as I sat at his feet on the stage. I explained that I'd discussed "The Horse Whisperer" with one of my best friends; and that, we disagreed on the ending. My friend didn't buy the ending. Mr. Evans' answer based in Celtic Mythology backed my view and gave me an "in" with my friend because she was a fiery red-head with a Celtic background.

I also asked him about the pacing of his novel. I noticed that there was a particular rhythm that was very compelling. He would write a few longer chapters; and then, throw in a short chapter that seemed to tie up a few loose ends but not all of them. These short chapters made me, the reader, relax a bit having had a few questions answered. They also made me wonder what was going to happen next. I thought it was a brilliant technique. I wondered if he was aware of it. He was. Well goodness. How I wished that he'd be my mentor just like he had a mentor.

Thing was that I hadn't written anything of note, yet. In fact, it's only recently that I've started writing anything that seems almost good enough to have someone really take a serious look at. Most of the posts in this blog would need to be editted for print in some way or another. Not such a bad idea, really. I do like the story about Starr, the Welsh Pony.

Anyway .....

As I remember, someone went to buy a bunch of Karl Malden's books for autographs. I want to say that Frank, our boss at the time, paid for the books for the staff; so that, we could have them autographed. Frank was one of the people standing around in our group admiring The Fedora, too. Frank really believed in reading and often gave books as Christmas presents. I've gotten three books from Frank that I still have; "The Making of the Corps", a Vince Lombardi autobiography, and "When Do I Start."

In the case of Nicholas Evans, I had a paperback copy of "The Horse Whisperer" purchased at a garage sale for fifty cents. I did not have a copy of "The Loop." I had analyzed the book for Teresa, the hostess of the show, and returned the book to her. I read it twice and provided a list of about twenty interview questions based on my analysis. Nicholas Evans signed my paperback at the truck of the car that he was being driven around in. He opened the trunk, pulled out a new copy of "The Loop", signed it and gave it to me. I was flabbergasted; speechless.

"My pleasure for a fan," he said as he handled it to me.

I almost cried on the spot. I kept it together long enough to wish him well. Again, I'll never forget the day he came to the studio. There's that act of kindness.

"I've always relied on the kindness of strangers." - Blanche Dubois

You know when she says that, right? She's being taken away by the doctor to an asylum.

Karl Malden won his Oscar for his portrayal of Harold "Mitch" Mitchell. He played opposite Jessica Tandy on stage and Vivien Leigh on screen. He appeared with Marlon Brando in both venues. I sincerely believe that because he acted that part for two years on Broadway when he was a hungry, struggling actor and went on to play it in the original movie that he learned quite a bit about fragile women who need kindness, for example.

Then again, I think that because Nicholas Evans researched the American West from a fresh and innocent perspective that he had also discovered more about the human experience. He was gracious, egalitarian, patient, and respectful. He made me feel comfortable and almost dignified. Dang. He conveyed a measure of respect for my humanity that allowed me to gently let him know that I had read his book twice. When I asked him to autograph my paperback, I explained that I hadn't purchased his book, yet. He knew that I had two children, their names, and that I really enjoyed both books. He just gave me a book. Again, I know that I told you this already, but there really was more to relate. The energy and spirit in which a gift is given is just as important, if not more important, as the gift itself. Nicolas Evans didn't make me feel less-than or poor when he gave me his book. That's just part of why I still have it.

The day that Nicholas Evans showed up, I wore my green cowboy boots with my jeans. It was a special occasion. I was at the door when he arrived. I walked him out as he left. It was sort of the same with Karl Malden; I greeted him as he arrived and was the last of the studio staff to say good-bye.

The day Karl Malden showed up, a group of us gathered at the coat rack and admired his fedora while he was in the studio getting ready for the interview. The Fedora. Nobody touched The Fedora. We were in awe, though. The Fedora had entered our lives, and we stood at a respectful distance gazing in reverence and delight. We all agreed that we'd like to try it on, but we also agreed that to do so would be a breach of etiquette. We erred on the side of proper manners and appropriate behavior.

Karl Malden's autobiography written with his daughter, Karla, "When Do I Start" was a very enjoyable read. "The Horse Whisperer" and "The Loop" are also wonderful books. Having just seen these interviews again after many years, I'm considering opening one of them again. I also have Nicholas Evans' "The Divide" to read. "The Smoke Jumper", his third book was great, too. I couldn't put that one down for very personal reasons. I really should read "The Divide." It might be just the thing. Hmmmmm.

As far as other tapes, I've checked the Obama tape and some personal tapes. I haven't checked out any of my Sharper Focus Tapes, yet. Guess I could to that next. I'm taking it slowly, though. While wonderful to see that the tapes seem to be in incredibly good condition considering it's been six and one half years; and that, they were stored in my dank basement during that time.

So part of going forward at fifty years of age for me is having the courage to face my old fears and continue to do the practical work of moving on to my next .... adventure? I'm all about the practical these days.

"Keep it kind. Keep it simple."

FYI: I've come back twice to edit this post after posting it. I had a bit more to add to the stories and had to give Mr. Evans his "h" in Nicholas. :D