Showing posts with label Grandchildren. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grandchildren. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

contentment is ...

contentment is ...

spending almost five hours with my granddaughters and daughter

playing in the "kitty pool" or "cat pool" as my oldest granddaughter insisted

feeding my youngest granddaughter twice, getting her to sleep, and even changing a poopie diaper

steve frog and meema frog playing with the dollhouse, the dollhouse family, ben bear, and bill bumblebee

doing back exercises and getting tackled

doing ten leg lifts with steve frog laying on meema frog's shins

feeding my daughter

seeing bb & sa head out to shoot again

seeing bb's old boss because that's where i picked up dinner pizza for the crew and cast

finding out that shooting has very successfully wrapped two hours early

air conditioning

being surprised at how deeply and honestly my daughter's latest painting hits me

declaring i want to buy her painting for $50 and hearing bb say that he thinks it's worth more

deciding to buy it for $100, so she can buy art supplies

and finally, contentment is ...

investing in my children's futures.

Monday, June 21, 2010

June 18th - A Very Action Packed Day & More

I was so surprised that my daughter showed up with my granddaughter that I forgot to let our new downstairs neighbor that the party had started. She's getting birthday cake and caprese pasta salad, though, because she acted "above and beyond" when she not only met me in our entry and asked, "Oh, you saw it, too? We just saw it go." referring to the gazebo; and then, came outside to help break down the blue Port-A-Shade that held it's ground, but got bent to hell.

What a day. There I am thinking that I'm headed for a glorious nap after cleaning the kitchen after the party for about a dozen when the storm hits. I knew it was kicking up when I peeked down at the trash cans, saw them moving, and yelled for BB to take them to the basement. I didn't think of the gazebo. I didn't think of yelling at the whole crew to get outside WITH ME to secure the yard. Wish I had, but don't actually know what we could've done to stop the gazebo one from blowing into the middle of the street.

What triggered my concern, after seeing the trees blowing and sheets of rain coming down at about a 45 degree angle, was when SA's 12 year old sister came into the living room and said, "Whoa. That scared me. I just saw the ceiling move. I mean it went up and down!"

I cruised to the office and looked at the ceiling, "What room were you in?"

"I was back with the kitties."

I cruised to the porch, and looked at the tile ceiling already knowing that there had been a shift in the barometric pressure which meant .....

I FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR AND DASHED DOWNSTAIRS where I practically collided with our neighbor. She said what she said as I stood holding open the screen door with my mouth hanging open and my brain trying to figure out, "What's wrong with this picture?"

It took a couple beats, but I finally translated "go" to "gone." In an instant, I pictured the wind gust carrying the gazebo away. I ran to the front of our yard to see the gazebo strewn across the street with a black sedan about three feet away from it and two other cars right behind the black one. Looked like they came to a screeching halt.

"HOLY SHIT!" my brain screamed at my body. Next thing I knew, I was breaking down the gazebo looking at three cars, headlights on, waiting for me to clear the street. I looked down our street by the new entrance to the old folks' home, and saw a tree branch with a car coming around it. So there I am standing under a tall tree with a transformer next to it, breaking down aluminum piping not even thinking of lightning, getting completely soaked, throwing tubing hard enough so it makes a loud clanking sound, thinking about all the young people inside when SA, SA's friend, and our neighbor come careening outside through the side door followed by BB emerging from the basement door.

They start breaking down the blue Port-A-Shade, and I continue to bitch about breaking down the gazebo by myself. I know they can't hear me yell because I tried, so I keep hauling the gazebo off the street through my gate. Something about going out into the open street to get the aluminum pole concerned me, so I just started pulling the awning and breaking down mangled legs and roof supports. It didn't take too long to clear enough room for the cars to pass. Right about that time, two crew members drove out of the driveway, and I waved good-bye and grumbled about stupid dipshits not having enough sense to offer help.

Four of the crew did help, though, so soon we successfully got everything in. AS I stood out in the pouring rain, I noticed that my next door neighbor's yard had stuff strewn about. I went over and started putting it back in place. Next thing I know, CeCe appears in her kitchen window. I was surprised because her car wasn't in the driveway. Come to find out that her car was sitting at the local water park because its brakes went out or something like that. All of a sudden BC appeared beside her, and we talked ending with a my much needed bad pun, "Well, as they say, 'When it rains, it pours.'"

I got completely soaked by the storm. It felt so good. I needed a good storm, or maybe I shouldn't have said, "No," when SA told me that in five minutes I could come down to the basement to put all the stuff back.

I only said, "No," because the garbage bag had leaked all over the kitchen floor when I thought I was done already with the kitchen. I was forced to get out the Swiffer and scrub a bit after rebagging the garbage. Maybe if I had gone to the basement after that, but .... well, whatever. I figured and still figure that crew will be here Saturday to help clean up the basement.

I finally went in when the rain started to let up, but only after letting it wash away the awkwardness that I've been feeling for and from CeCe and BC because I was an idiot and lent them over $1,000 to pay their heating bill before it got warm. I also stopped babysitting for CeCe when they fell behind on their payments by a week just like I said that I would. They've paid over half of it back at $75/week, and are up-to-date, now; but now their car is broken. They did manage to get their house painted while they were behind, and that ticked me off to no end; but it's my own damn fault, like I explained to CeCe. I lent my cushion, and that was a mistake. BC is working side jobs to earn more money, though; so things will improve, and I'm sure they will pay me back. I'm not sure we'll remain friends, but I think we might just pull it off. Still, "NEVER AGAIN!"

I did finally go in the house because I figured my white t-shirt might just be completely see-through. Kept thinking about wet t-shirt contests and whether or not I'd win. Big Negatory on that one.... unless going for "natural boob size."

I was up on Friday, June 18th (BB's 25th Birthday) at 5:30am. That was the plan, and I'm glad I did it that way. I had time alone to get so much done while it was still cool. It also gave me enough time to cook everything and let the house cool down before everyone showed up. It was nice. I was tired but plugged away thinking of my grandmas up early in the morning doing stuff.

I got all the cooking done by 7:30am. My chicken for the Chicken Salad was cooling in the frig along with the pasta for the Caprese Pasta Salad. I'd put the three layers of cake in the freezer. The house was cooling down nicely, and I was very happy that the 90 degree day that was supposed to have thunderstorms might just work out fine.

It wasn't long before BB was up and headed to the shower. He was pleased that I had gotten the cooking done; and that, the house was cooling down again. He was still clueless about his "Toy Story 3" themed 25th Birthday Party. I guess he thought I was kidding when I said that I was going to do it because "toy Story 3" was opening on his b-day. Silly BB. I figured that I would do my last full-blown "kid party" and get it out of my system.

I went gonzo on the cake. I used my Martha Stewart star-shaped cake pans and built a three-layer yellow cake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. There were 25 candles on the cake consisting of 13 that made up the words, "Happy Birthday" and 12 sparkler candles in blue, red, green and yellow. I've got three white sparkler candles left. OF COURSE I found the "Happy Birthday" candles ON SALE at the Walmart in my home town way back when I was taking care of Dad after his surgery.

On a whim, I bought some balloons at Party City on Thursday. That only cost me $5.90. There was a pack of yellow and light blue "Toy Story" balloons for $1.99. I added a red 2 and a red 5 to the bunch, et voila!; ordered on Thursday and picked up on Friday.

The crowning glory to the "Toy Story 3" themed party was the birthday hat I found for BB. I scoured Party City for cowboy hats and space helmets, but couldn't find any that I liked and could afford. While looking I came across some beanies with twirly things on top, but they were cheap. It did get me thinking, though. I wandered over to the hat aisle and came across BB's Birthday Hat: a red, green, yellow, and blue baseball cap with a green brim and a twirly thing on top. "I don't wanna grow up" is printed on the front, too! ... and of course, the best part is that it was On Sale for $7.50! TA DA! Done!

We did surprise BB as planned. Can't believe we pulled it off right under his nose, but then again; he's BB. My poor granddaughter started crying when everybody yelled surprise, but she calmed down enough to take a bit of a nap soon enough; and then it was time for cake.

"How many candles are on it?" BB asked while I was preparing to light the candles.

"25. Between the 'Happy Birthday' and sparklers, there are 25."

Everybody started counting candles and talking about how long it was going to take to light the candles and have the house catch fire. My daughter and one of the crew members found the fireplace matches when BB told them where they were.

"I've been looking for those for ages!" I exclaimed.

"It takes three seconds per candle," the crew member declared while the three of us were setting the candles ablaze.

"Hurry up! My cake's going to be all wax!" BB urged as we got the last candles lit.

A quiet, sleeping baby version of "Happy Birthday" was sung and BB blew out his candles after a few attempts while SA's sister informed him, "Sparkler candles relight. I had them, and it was so annoying." We laughed and watched him successfully extinguish the entire lot.

"Whoa. That was intense," said my daughter, "It was like Mission Impossible candle blowing."

I couldn't help but to start singing the Mission Impossible Theme and was joined by a few.

Everybody's pieces of cake were too big. :D There was ice cream, too, of course.

After the party, there was still some more shooting to do, so cast and crew headed back down to the basement to finish up while I cleaned up with help from SA's friend, DB. All shooting was finished before the storm hit.

It was an action-packed day filled with many ups and downs, literally. Mostly ups which is pretty great except in the case of flying gazebos.

So here's a bit of what I wrote to my best friend the other day. I figured it's a way to get caught up and not jack my reader's around too much.

It's Monday morning, and I really do need to rest a bit more, so out! Besides, I need to erase the fact that it is Monday; and that, my payment is late again. Just remember, "I'm an idiot - sometimes." If all goes well, though, I should be paid off by August 1st. I'll focus all my positive energy on that one and await the fall out from friends and family over my stupidity. sigh. I just couldn't let the kids be cold. You know, "No good deed goes unpunished." Oh well.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Fantastic Four!

Today has been a HUGE day.

1. My daughter surprised me with a call and invitation to go to the "rocket park." She brought my granddaughters over, and away we went eventually because ...

2. I got caught up in doing some more research for some writing, so getting ready to go was delayed. My daughter picked out a good play outfit for me while telling me, "It's like having ANOTHER child, Mother." I really should learn to stop doing what I'm into and be more responsible. Really. Definitely when it comes to seeing my daughter, granddaughters and son-in-law; at least. I'll work on it. :D

3. My son got his lens adapter today. He is in Film Geek Heaven. I'll spare you, unless you would like to know about things like HVX, and 1/72 versus 1/84, and more "Letters & Numbers Stuff" that I'm not even sure about. I'm just very happy for my boy who has new "toys" that are really tools. You know the difference between tools and toys, right?

4. My brother got his driver's license back today after eight years of going without. Lesson: Don't Drink & Drive - AND - Life is full of changes, so work hard, do your best, relax, have some fun and just let the good happen. He's done quite a bit of good, hard work on himself and on behalf of others since he sobered up. He's had to accept the loss of some relationships because of his behavior when he was drinking and drugging. He had to make a "loud popping sound" to salvage what he could of his life. He's done pretty darn well. I'm very happy for him. He does deserve to have his license back. I'm happy for his wife and our parents, too. His ability to drive is going to help them, too.

Oh, the back stories behind the four events are all wonderful, but my back and hip are YELLING at me LOUDER than my dear, dear youngest granddaughter. I spent quite a while doing a bit of research on her behalf and have a few thoughts; such as, reading Dr. Harvey Karp's, "The Happiest Baby on the Block" book, getting the DVD from the library, and letting her parents know what I've found out. Poor dear cries so much and is so tense. I know this will pass.

I did get her to relax at the park by doing a "four-count" bouncy dance-walk in the shade. She was smooshed against my belly and breast. I've decided that certain MeeMas are fat; so that their granddaughters can be enveloped in cuddles and coos. You know how it goes; Dance-walking to a 4/4 beat while describing all the stuff around us in my "valium voice." Something about a soothing, smooshy MeeMa. Not exactly motivation to lose weight, but well, at least it's not a reason to hate myself, either.

May 27, 2010 has been a very good day - save some serious pain - but this too shall pass just like the four major good events that happened today. That's what going forward is all about, you know. Guess this is kinda the "Cliff Notes Version of Today."

I wonder what tomorrow will hold. I'm going to make it a very good day because it's another huge anniversary day; 22 years ago the kids and I left LA and moved in with my parents on May 28, 1988. It was the beginning of a new life, but more about that later.

For now, I'm moving forward bolstered by four wonderful events and some fantastic research on behalf of my many loved ones; whether they know it or not. Remember to hang in there, People. There's no way I could've predicted that in two days my world could turn around so dramatically. I did hang in with thoughts of better times, so maybe my positivity had a bit to do with it.... NAH! The ups and downs are a bit tiring, but that's the way my life seems to go. I'm glad that I've learned to ride out the storms and see what the mornings bring.

OH, and let's all take a moment of quiet to think good thoughts, meditate, pray and/or whatever on behalf of the many creatures who could use a good thought and more these days. Here's to capping the oil well in the Gulf, lots of ice for the Polar Bears, plenty of food and water for everyone on this planet, the end to all war, and clean air. Here's to going Forward for 50 More Posts!

Yep. Forward @ 50 just had it's 50th Post. Pretty Great Day Today.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Anxiety Attacks Suck


Durwood's Glen Shrine (Photo: Forward @ 50)

What's more to say. Spent the majority of the day shaking. This is happening more frequently, and I think it's due to being unemployed for so long and wanting to see my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren more. The consistent failure to land a job after interviewing is really getting to me. Nothing new there. Wanting to see my daughter's family more is constant, too, even though I understand all the reasons that I can't right now. It's hard living so close; and yet, being so far away. I'm doing my best to be understanding and not place any more pressure and stress on them. My daughter and son-in-law are working so hard to make a good life for themselves and their children. I just have my desires to deal with. I focused so much of my attention on raising my children that now that I have to find my own life I'm out of my comfort zone. Besides, I always dreamed of being the appropriately helpful, non-interfering, lovable mother and mother-in-law who is there with some food, many hugs and kisses, lots of time to listen, and whatever they needed me to do. It's harder than I imagined to do what they need me to do which is understand that I can't see them as much as I would like.

In spite of all of this, my mood is basically fine. I'm just shaking. I've eaten pretty well today, too. It's just really strange to shake, become immobile, and wait to see when it will pass without being able to make it stop. It can be downright annoying, frustrating, and demoralizing. I always think to myself that I'm weak for not being able to control these things. I get mad at myself and focus intently on stopping the shaking, but it doesn't work. Most of the time I can push through it, but this has prompted me to go ahead and see if I can get a doctor's appointment with the county health department to see what to do. Last I checked, I can get an appointment in about a month. No insurance means that I haven't seen a doctor in over a year. Except for a cat bite, an ear ache, and now more frequent anxiety attacks; I'm fine. Well, I am morbidly obese and smoke, so ... I guess it's a matter of perspective.

Sorry so boring. I know there are bunches of people who are struggling while looking for work, so if this helps anyone feel as though they're not alone that's GREAT! I sincerely believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just haven't found the tunnel yet. (rim shot! - ha, ha! a joke!) Hang in there my fellow strugglers and survivors. I'm rooting for all of us. I know it's hard and giving up seems so appealing at times. We just can't. We just need to rest, eat well, and keep plugging away. My heart goes out to all of you and to me, too. I don't have any answers, but for what it's worth; I'm here and hoping for a brighter future for all.

I'm headed to bed to rest and wait for a phone call from my son telling me that he has arrived at his grandparents' home safely. Hopefully, I'll feel a lot better in the morning. I have a two busy days coming up and will have to push ahead. Two things are going through my mind; The Little Engine That Could and song lyrics, "... put one foot in front of the other..." Not bad, huh.

I'm also going to be concentrating on sending good vibes to my son-in-law's mother. She may have had a heart attack today. She's in the hospital now. Here's to a good prognosis and her speedy recovery. I'd love to be able to help her in some way. Really.