Nervous

I'm getting quite tired of the up and down nature of my blog. I don't want it turning into a Bitch Fest, nor do I want it to be Pollyannaish. In my efforts to balance it, I feel it has gotten much like a roller coaster ride. Thing is; my life right now is very much like a roller coaster ride, and with the recent failure to pass another Unemployment Extension Bill; my life is headed down the tracks at a terrifying speed. Time to hang on and SCREAM!

I'm going to make this post a bit shorter for a whole variety of reasons:

1. I'm nervously awaiting the final e-mail from Atmosphere Casting about tonight's shoot.

2. I have packing to do to get ready for tonight's shoot.

3. Being this nervous about more than two things at once means that I need to do some physical stuff to work it out.

4. My back and left hip hurt so much that I'm writing this while laying down in my bed only because I haven't tried writing while standing.

5. I have jobs to apply for and need to continue researching query letters and schooling.

We'll leave it at five reasons. How's that sound?

On the up side, my granddaughter told my daughter that BB & I are her best friends and "Famawee", too.

Good Luck, Everyone. Hang in there. You are loved.

Back Pain

Sorry for the late post. Technically, it's been 48 hours since I last sat down to write anything here. Back Pain. It's hard to write with back pain.

Yesterday was a bit stressful, but my bro saved me and mine. YAY BRO! I'm so grateful that crew and cast are going to be staying at his home while away finishing up their location shots.

Can't really believe that the first week of production is done; and that, we're barreling into the second week starting this morning at around 7:30. The first week went very well here at the house. Can't believe the house is still clean after having so many people in it for a week. Here's to an excellent crew and cast for picking up after themselves and making my experience so wonderful.

Our home was used for kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, basement and front door scenes. It took five days to get all the shots here. The days were not long, either. Great planning by SA. Days usually start around 9am and end around 4pm with a break for lunch. After the day's shooting is done, SA & BB settle in to capture the footage and back it up, so their days are a bit longer. Still, it's been a very nice shooting schedule, so far.

Today's shoot at a local deli will be short; only about three hours. The only equipment being used is the camera and the tripod. The bonus is that we will be getting food from the deli for lunch. The sandwiches from the deli are awesome. Yum.

I'm going to cut it short since I'm still a bit nauseous. Back pain does that, you know. Besides, I need to get some more sleep to prepare for today's shoot.

Here we go Week 2!

OW!

OW! I could leave it at that, but there's more to tell. I earned every "OW!" that I feel tonight. BB & I have achieved our goal of getting the garage and basement ready for our new downstairs neighbors. It's looking like we're very close to our goal of getting rid of 75% of our stuff, too. We are very happy and very sore. "Good Times."

Tomorrow I'm up at around 6am and headed to another Open Extras Casting Call. I'll be running and gunning all weekend checking out more leads on more jobs. It's time to get horizontal.

Sweet dreams, All.

Hitting the High Points!

Here's a quickie. I'll take pics tomorrow and post them with a meatier post. BB wants his computer, and I'm too tired to move mine, so here goes:

1. Had a wonderful day in the basement with BB sorting through MOST of our stuff.

2. Happy to report that so far, so good on the 75% going/25% staying goal. You should see the SELL pile.

3. Have rescheduled the Garage Sale for after production. Playing for a mid-July sale, now. This is good because the weekend before production is a time to hit the punch list and rest as much as possible. Filming begins June 14th.

4. Had the usual back, hip, leg and knee pain today; but it has subsided after four Tylenol and lots of moving. Hmmmmm. Moving. Who woulda thunk it. Duh. Worked up a good "down & dirty" sweat a couple of times, at least.

5. Cooked two dinners: Pasta with Italian Sausage Sauce & "Forget About It" Turkey Loaf. The latter got its name tonight because BB, SA & I went to take the trash out and ended up cleaning up the yard, awnings, tent, and new Mud Room while the "Forget About It" Turkey Loaf was still in the oven. We were amazed to find that it wasn't burned when we came back in. Oops! LOL It's looking good. Left overs for tomorrow! Had to cook both dinners or lose the meat. You know how that goes, right?

6. Shhhhh. Be very, very quiet. I'm on the last pack of a carton (yes, I broke down and bought a whole carton). Considering the unmentionable. Probably won't happen, but who knows.

7. While BB originally only agreed to work with me today, we had so much fun and got so much done that he's agreed to work with me tomorrow, too. We will get everything done tomorrow if we continue at the same pace; relaxed, yet moving forward. I do like the Zen of Cleaning. I always get more done when not worrying about getting it done.

8. Also had a wonderful bit of conversation with my mom today. She got the pics of BB, my daughter and granddaughters. She's very happy. This makes me happy.

9. So, that's the short version. Found some amazing stuff. Getting rid of so much stuff. Will have to go to the library to find out the value of a bunch of stuff before selling it. This is all good.

10. Still no job, but Friday is another Open Extras Casting Call. This time it's for Transformers. We'll see what happens there. I'm still waiting to hear from the Casting Company about work for Cheaters.

So that's it for tonight. I'm hitting the shower and heading to bed. Great day & night. Phew. It's about time. Sweet dreams, All!

Painfully Numb

I am still painfully numb. Well, that doesn't quite describe it, but I'm the same as last night. Going to get horizontal and hope that tomorrow brings relief. Guess I'll lather up with good ole Ben Gay and call it a night.

Sweet Dreams, All.

OH! I did do some work in the new production office (our home office). I also found some more job leads, so all may not be lost as far as that stupid $6,000/$3,000 situation. I'm trying as hard as I know how to. sigh.

OK, off with me. Take care. Good Luck in whatever you're up to.

Numb

Because the lower half of my body was was in pain and numb all at the same time, this is my post. It hurts to sit. I can be up and moving, or I can be horizontal. Sitting is not good no matter if I'm using the desk chairs, the core ball, my bed, a kitchen chair or the leather easy chair.

This is going to make blogging interesting.

Of course, this means that I am now moving around after sleeping most of the day. The sleeping and moving around has helped. I'm off to move around some more.

Found out that our house is being used to film in starting the 14th. LOL - OK, then. Well, the metal cabinet in the office is now an equipment cabinet. The office is becoming a film office. Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Hope all are having a wonderful weekend. I am.

OK, up with me. Sweet dreams. Be safe1

Y-AWNING!

Thanks to my son (from now on known as BB) and his girlfriend (from now on known as SA), I accomplished a goal that I've had for years today. I got all the awnings up that would go together. Three out of four have survived. They've been sitting in my basement for a decade or so. I'm sure I'm not exaggerating. They are airing out along with BB's tent. My yard looks like it's ready for a party. Hmmmmmmm.

I not even tempted to sleep in the tent tonight. I would be if it had been cleaned out by the film crew that it was lent to, but it wasn't; so I'll opt for my comfy bed. Besides, I need to get the rest of the camping gear out of the basement and aired out.



I'm grouchy, dirty, and tired. It was a bitch getting the last awning up.

Years ago, my dad worked for a company that made these things. The largest one is a gazebo. It has two sets of legs; one set has rubber ends, and the other set can be bolted to concrete or a deck, I suppose.



The other two are Port-A-Shades and have handy bags for all the pieces making storage and transport very convenient.



The last time they were up, a giant wind storm came up and one of the gazebos got rolled across the back yard. We had enough pieces to get one gazebo up. That's OK because one awning had rust stains and a hole in it.

OF COURSE AFTER WE GOT THEM ALL UP, I FOUND THE INSTRUCTIONS.

Poor SA. I was so happy when she stopped acting scared and told BB and me to stop acting like five year olds.

BB had hurt my feelings and made me damn mad when he said, "I hate working with you."

We'd been going at each other the whole time until she said that. He did not want to be working with me and was attitudinal. I've never used attitudinal to describe a good mood, so if you haven't heard that one before; this just clears that up.

OMG! Trying to find the words to describe parts, directions, suggestions, and just plain trying to communicate on top of dealing with "the Gandhi of Homework!" It still applies. This was "homework" in the truest sense.

If you're reading this, I'd like you to cut and paste the following link and read the article. I received it from Rebecca, a FB Friend that I've never met in person. It's an amazing article about unconscious sexism. Please read it. It is solid confirmation of how life is different for the sexes.

The Situation of Sexism - The Situationist
http://thesituationist.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/the-situation-of-sexism/

I'd also like everyone to watch the following cartoon about how to save the world. BB sent it to me in a moment of sheer brilliance. Dang. I'm going to have to apologize for being so harsh, maybe. I'm thinking his sarcasm made my retort OK, maybe. I don't know. I did ask him to quit being so silent and attitudinal and let his anger come out in that babbling, funny, true way he has.

"In case you haven't noticed, we've been trying to get out of here for the last fifteen minutes. Is there anything else you're wondering?"

His sarcasm hit me full on. I started to argue with him, but knew nothing good would come of that, so instead I responded with an over-the-top, "Why the Fuck Did I EVER Have Children?!"

BB turned and headed to his car. I turned and headed to the house. SA sat on her car looking in my direction.

"It's OK, SA," I told her. She gets upset when she sees BB and me fight. I told her that I would mentor her out of being afraid around grouchy, loud, arrogant, sarcastic, hard-hitting combatants.

I did get an apology out of him for his mean comment about hating to work with me. I understand where he's coming from. I also understand where I'm coming from. I also understand where my mom is coming from when she asks for my dad's and brother's help. I understand so many of my friends, family and enemies, now. Dang, am I understanding.

Well, maybe I'm not so understanding. I'm back to tense and upset due to "technical difficulties" that are not BB's fault except for the fact that any time I ask him to teach me something about the computer, he doesn't want to. I know, I know. STILL! It's aggravating to the "Nth Degree"!

In any case, here is the link to cut and paste (getting frustrated about my lack of education on this one, too!), so you can watch a brilliant cartoon (some prefer animation) about "How to Save the World." It speaks about mirror neurons, child development, empathic distress, existentialism, religion, history, and much more.

RSA Animate - The Empathic Civilisation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g&feature=player_embedded

The information contained in these two pieces has changed my life. The following song also changed my life. How did they do it? How did they know what I was thinking? How did they know what my parents were thinking?

Paul McCartney - She's Leaving Home [Red Square'2003]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeNA80mo5DI

It's not that I didn't have any fun with my parents and brother in my hometown. I did have a bit of fun in my hometown, but most of my memories of my time there are miserable. I couldn't wait to leave home. I'm so glad I did.

OK, so now I'm not so grouchy 'cause I've tattled and enlightened. What can I say? Not sorry, right Dad. I'm not. I'm not sorry I tattled even though you always told me not to be a tattle-tale. I'm certainly not sorry that I have attempted to enlighten those who stop by here. I'm not sorry because my dad always tells me to stop saying that I'm sorry, so for you, Dad, "I'm NOT Sorry." Guess you come out about even there, Sir.

I'm still sore and dirty, though. It would be a good idea for me to take a shower and go veg. It is after midnight.

I'm even a bit satisfied and grateful, now. Happy is knocking on the door. He's a cutie pie with a good heart, so I'm going to let him in.

HI! HO! Hi! Ho! Hi, ho, hi, ho. It's off to Life I go! (exits whistling because it's her house, and she can)

Fantastic Four!

Today has been a HUGE day.

1. My daughter surprised me with a call and invitation to go to the "rocket park." She brought my granddaughters over, and away we went eventually because ...

2. I got caught up in doing some more research for some writing, so getting ready to go was delayed. My daughter picked out a good play outfit for me while telling me, "It's like having ANOTHER child, Mother." I really should learn to stop doing what I'm into and be more responsible. Really. Definitely when it comes to seeing my daughter, granddaughters and son-in-law; at least. I'll work on it. :D

3. My son got his lens adapter today. He is in Film Geek Heaven. I'll spare you, unless you would like to know about things like HVX, and 1/72 versus 1/84, and more "Letters & Numbers Stuff" that I'm not even sure about. I'm just very happy for my boy who has new "toys" that are really tools. You know the difference between tools and toys, right?

4. My brother got his driver's license back today after eight years of going without. Lesson: Don't Drink & Drive - AND - Life is full of changes, so work hard, do your best, relax, have some fun and just let the good happen. He's done quite a bit of good, hard work on himself and on behalf of others since he sobered up. He's had to accept the loss of some relationships because of his behavior when he was drinking and drugging. He had to make a "loud popping sound" to salvage what he could of his life. He's done pretty darn well. I'm very happy for him. He does deserve to have his license back. I'm happy for his wife and our parents, too. His ability to drive is going to help them, too.

Oh, the back stories behind the four events are all wonderful, but my back and hip are YELLING at me LOUDER than my dear, dear youngest granddaughter. I spent quite a while doing a bit of research on her behalf and have a few thoughts; such as, reading Dr. Harvey Karp's, "The Happiest Baby on the Block" book, getting the DVD from the library, and letting her parents know what I've found out. Poor dear cries so much and is so tense. I know this will pass.

I did get her to relax at the park by doing a "four-count" bouncy dance-walk in the shade. She was smooshed against my belly and breast. I've decided that certain MeeMas are fat; so that their granddaughters can be enveloped in cuddles and coos. You know how it goes; Dance-walking to a 4/4 beat while describing all the stuff around us in my "valium voice." Something about a soothing, smooshy MeeMa. Not exactly motivation to lose weight, but well, at least it's not a reason to hate myself, either.

May 27, 2010 has been a very good day - save some serious pain - but this too shall pass just like the four major good events that happened today. That's what going forward is all about, you know. Guess this is kinda the "Cliff Notes Version of Today."

I wonder what tomorrow will hold. I'm going to make it a very good day because it's another huge anniversary day; 22 years ago the kids and I left LA and moved in with my parents on May 28, 1988. It was the beginning of a new life, but more about that later.

For now, I'm moving forward bolstered by four wonderful events and some fantastic research on behalf of my many loved ones; whether they know it or not. Remember to hang in there, People. There's no way I could've predicted that in two days my world could turn around so dramatically. I did hang in with thoughts of better times, so maybe my positivity had a bit to do with it.... NAH! The ups and downs are a bit tiring, but that's the way my life seems to go. I'm glad that I've learned to ride out the storms and see what the mornings bring.

OH, and let's all take a moment of quiet to think good thoughts, meditate, pray and/or whatever on behalf of the many creatures who could use a good thought and more these days. Here's to capping the oil well in the Gulf, lots of ice for the Polar Bears, plenty of food and water for everyone on this planet, the end to all war, and clean air. Here's to going Forward for 50 More Posts!

Yep. Forward @ 50 just had it's 50th Post. Pretty Great Day Today.

It's OK To Be Mad

I'm mad. I'm downright furious.

I remember my favorite basketball player, Bryan Luce, used to play better when he was mad. The coach, Steve Proctor, realized this and used it to his advantage. Coach Proctor would purposefully get Bryan mad if he wasn't playing well. It worked every time. Bryan would go out on the court and tear it up. It was brilliant to behold.

With this in mind, I'm off to do the nastiest of jobs that I can imagine. I will be doing this job alone. Typical.

Not much more to say except, "How much is one person supposed to take in their lifetime? How long do they allow themselves to be a doormat for the people they love the most? How long is life worth living under these circumstances? I'm so sick and tired of living a horrific lie. I'm so sick and tired of all the bullshit. It hurts too much, so to protect myself from the pain; I'll get good and mad."

Bit of advice: Appreciate the people who love you, give all they have to you, and make sacrifices to make your life easier. They may not be there one day when you need them the most. Just a few words of caution.

As far as I can see, and I've looked very deeply and very hard; I've made my amends and done whatever I could to beg forgiveness for my mistakes. I forgiven trespasses that many would never forgive. Why then does the bullshit persist? Remember, it hurts too much. I'm doing my best not to break, but it's getting harder and harder; more painful than I can take.

OK, off to tear into this terrible task. No feeling sorry for myself. No self pity. Just pure rage. It's about time!

Here's to angry tears, screaming grief, and ungodly pain all due to unwarranted rejection and ridicule.