AHA!

I had a bit of an AHA Moment this morning. It's really nothing profound. It's just that I figured out that there seems to be a lot of back and forth from the same people saying the same things. Back and Forth. Back and Forth. My AHA Moment was that I need to study alternative options for communication and economic development. Like I said, it's not that profound.

Seems obvious to me that most of the conversations and debates that I engage in don't really get anywhere. A lot of people seem more interested in showing off their intellect than solving challenges. Rather than communicating in easily understood words focused on finding a middle ground, many people like to use big words that alienate people and supposedly prove their superior intellect. I guess this is to show that their position is the right position. I could be wrong. It could be that there are just a bunch of people in the world who are very mad, don't agree, and just want to argue. It's probably both of those options and a few more.

My point is simple. Having watched "Harmony" last night, I am impressed with something that I've never heard of before. It is called, "Bio-Mimicry." Seems like such a wonderfully, holistic, and healing approach to sustainability; both economic and ecological. To achieve the successes that were highlighted people had to learn new skills and learn how to communicate in a new way. It's taken many of the people years to achieve their successes, but they can be held up as role models for everyone. Using Conflict Resolution practices, loggers and ecologists found a middle ground that will sustain both the logging businesses and the temperate rain forests in British Columbia. By switching to organic farming, farmers all over the world are improving their chances of sustaining a profitable, earth-friendly business largely because they do not have to buy hybrid seeds and chemicals. Saving the polar bears is not just about saving a majestic animal for the animal's sake; it is also about potentially finding a cure for human diabetes. The idea of "Harmony" is the simplest of its definitions; harmony among all things because all things are interconnected.

"Harmony" is an hour long movie showcasing organic farmers, ecologists, and business people who are creating a new model for our planet. It was made by HRH Prince Charles.

I've always liked Prince Charles because of his interest in and concern for our planet. He was a bit of a rebel in his day and continues to be one. You wouldn't really suspect it by looking at him. Besides, he's the dastardly prince who cheated on his lovely Princess Diana, right? Well, like all humans, he appears to be more than that. He inspired me before, and he's inspiring me again.

I'm going to do some more research and studying on Bio-Mimicry. I'm going to do some more crocheting. I'm also going to do my homework, clean the house, look for work, and get some paperwork taken care of.

While I'm doing all of that, I'm going to also be thinking about how much I want to volunteer with NAMI. A few red flags went up, so I have to evaluate the situation. I need to access my circumstances and decide how I can best help this wonderful organization. You see, I do need to get a job, so over-extending myself with NAMI would be a bad thing. I am seeking balance. To achieve balance, I will have to set clear boundaries.

I'm into Day 4 of not smoking. I've developed rashes where I had the patches. We'll see if the hydrocortisone cream works. I'm prepared to endure 2 1/2 months of rashes to quit smoking. It's not that bad, and I really don't have any cravings. My lungs are feeling pretty good, too.

My tooth/gum infection seems to be getting better. The antibiotics are wreaking havoc on my system, though. There's a bump on the lower left side of my gum. I'm thinking this may be an abscess. I'm still visualizing, meditating and praying that it all goes away with the antibiotics. Haven't had to take an pain meds yet today. I guess things are improving there, too.

Looks like I've got a busy day ahead of me, so this is it for today's post. I'll be back tomorrow with more mundane and boring news; or at least that is the goal.

Take care and good luck in all that you do!

12:04am - Saturday Morning

I was singularly uninspired on Friday, November 19th. I did a good deed. I had a good talk. I did some grocery shopping. I didn't buy more yarn. I didn't buy anything frivolous. I discussed volunteering with NAMI. I did some homework. I applied for jobs. I crocheted. I had that great banana/vanilla pudding/vanilla wafer desert because BB made it. Tooth pain and swelling seem to be down. Have taken meds regularily. Am still visualizing, praying, meditating on a happy, healthy tooth. Day Three of not smoking is done. I am now going to bed.

I will try to figure out something to write about tomorrow or rather later today.

Might write about Prince Charles and "Harmony." Might not.

Now my ears are hurting. Time for bed.

Ouch! - But still not smoking!

So today I went to the County Health Department Dentist to see if he could make me feel any better. He didn't. He scared me. He wasn't clean shaven. His solution to my problem would have been to pull my tooth. He didn't feel confident that he could do a root canal on it because the nerve is so calcified.

I am not ready to lose a tooth. I can't afford a "flipper" to replace it. I can't afford a root canal. I'm screwed.

The County Dentist agreed to give me some antibiotics, pain meds, and referrals to two private dental practices. I paid $44 for the visit and high-tailed it out of there.

First stop was Walgreen's, where I was told I would receive a discount on my prescriptions. It would have been about $20 for the drugs, but I opted to go to Target. I didn't go to Target right away, though.

I went to see my usual dentist to tell him what had happened. I had a copy of my X-ray, so Dr. Tom looked at it. He confirmed what the County Dentist said almost verbatim, so I know the guy's not a quack. Thing is, I still can't afford the root canal, and Dr. Tom seemed unwilling to work with me on the price. Times are tough all over. Dr. Tom suggested that I go to an area Dental College and see if they will do the work for me at a good price.

So I called the Dental School, but there's a whole process that will have to be started tomorrow morning between 8:30am and 9:30am. We'll have to see what happens.

My plan is to try to save the tooth because I just can't handle starting on a journey that I've been expecting to happen, but not quite this soon; becoming a toothless, white-trash wonder.

I've known that this was a probable eventuality for me considering my financial circumstances and insurances' reluctance to cover dentures, etc. Well, I was thinking maybe by the time I was in my middle sixties. I was not thinking that I would be facing this decision at 51. I'm seriously bummed.

It's vanity, though. It's just vanity. Or is it? How can I work in an office with missing teeth? Who will hire me? They won't hire me now, so what makes me think that anyone will hire me if what looks I have are spoiled by missing teeth? Makes me want to cry again.

So that's that. I've got antibiotics and pain meds from Target. I've done some long over-due grocery shopping, and now I'm blogging about my experience. BB has offered to go in halvsies on my replacement tooth. Yes, that made me laugh and cry all at once. It's called a "flipper." Whatever.

This is my first day of not smoking in quite a while, and I'm handling this day pretty well, actually. Have only wanted a cigarette twice that I can recall. Kind of a knee jerk thing when I was sitting at the computer. Other than that, the patch is working very well.

The patch is working so well today and worked so well yesterday that I went ahead and bought the whole series of patches for quitting. I've got six weeks worth of the first level and then one box each of levels two and three. All in all, the patches cost 1/3 the price of the number of cigarettes that would get me through the same time period. Besides, they were on sale at $15 off each box, so Whoo-Hoo! I'm set.

So, I'm going to pray, visualize, and meditate on my tooth. With the help of "the powers that be", I'm going to focus on healing my tooth; so that, I don't have to have all this dental work done now. We'll see what happens.

I'm also going to seriously start praying, visualizing, and meditating on some other much more important things in my life. I like the not smoking thing. It seems like just one more step on my path towards a better life. We'll see if I'm right. I choose to believe that I am. My life and my childrens' lives are all about weathering the storm and pulling through these days. We are stronger than we know. It's still quite a trial. I have to choose to believe that we will all pull through it. I have to believe that justice will prevail. If I don't believe these things, what's the point of going on? The heartbreak would and will be almost too much to bear.

For now, though; what I really know is that I don't want to be a toothless wonder. I mean, I like the character in the movie, but I don't want to become Toothless. Besides, Toothless had retractable teeth. I don't think that's what I would have.

That's it, Folks. I'm going to bed to rest. "Big Bang Theory" is on!

Hanging In There

Well, I've slept for most of the day. Still feeling sick, but the pain in my jaw seems to be decreasing.

Tomorrow is the Great American Smokeout. I'm going for it. Actually, I'm wearing a patch right now. I had one cigarette left this morning, so I smoked that and put on a patch rather than go out for one more pack before "Quit Day." My goal is to go the whole day without a cigarette tomorrow. After that, we'll see what happens.

I hope I feel better tomorrow. I've missed all my evening classes this week. I've slept the majority of three days. I feel skanky and sluggish. sigh

Guess I'm still sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am looking forward to the Great American Smokeout tomorrow, though.

UPDATE: I feel great! My blog has made "We Feel Fine" by Jonathan Harris and Sep Kavmer. Look up "We Feel Fine" on Google or something. It's an amazing web-based art project that was started in 2005. Wow!

How do I know? Well this lovely little blog has all kinds of tracking tools that I check, and I saw that "We Feel Fine" was on my site "Now." Really pretty cool.

You can also see a presentation by Jonathan Harris on TED. That's where I first hear of him and his artwork. Totally awesome!

Ok, back to bed with me.

Sick & Tired

I'm sure John Lennon wasn't the first to say, "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans." He did say something like that, didn't he?

In any case, for all my planning for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and tomorrow; I've been thwarted by some sort of infection. Something with my mouth and gums is creating so much pain that it is difficult for me to think. Dang.

I'll be ending this now and getting back in bed. Lots of teeth brushing and ointment applying along with a bit of Tylenol PM. I only take one of those Tylenol PM pills because they are strong. First time I can remember taking less than the recommended dosage for any over-the-counter med.

Thought I'd get this posted because I didn't post anything today. I could've posted something about how sick I am of defending my life, my choices, and how I'm done doing all of that; but I'm in too much God Damned pain.

Thank God for my sis and BB. I got two very good venting sessions in today. I am so glad. They were both perfect with their responses. Someday I will write the tirade I spoke today. It was good. It released a lot of built up anger and resentment.

Basically, Fuck Anyone and Everyone who dares to question my character, my choices, and what I've done to help them. I'm so sick of helping people and being put down for my efforts or having my mistakes thrown up in my face instead of the more numerous positive actions I've performed on their behalf. Biggest bunch of bullshit I've had to put up with in my life. There's just no pleasing some people, so Fuck 'Em. I'm done. They can live their lives and leave me out of it. I will survive just fine. In fact, I'll be better of financially by not continuing to help the ingrates. Oh yeah. I'm mad. It's time for the silent treatment; won't pick up the phone or return calls. Turn around it fair play, and I'm getting pretty good at it. Treat me like shit? Have fun when it flies back in your face, Mo' Fo'.

Right now, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, though. To bed with me. I'm off to take that Tylenol PM and dream sweet dreams.

Viva!

Grateful and Proud.

It's been a very productive day. I'm proud of my children. I'm proud of me, too.

We're a pretty amazing family. Here's to the future we all deserve.

My house is basically clean. My homework is organized and on time. I persevered through my illness and pain to get a ton of stuff done. I'm kinda proud. I'm also proud that I went to the drug store and got a few supplies to aid my recovery.

GL is amazingly strong. She is handling her life so well. She got a ton of stuff done today, too. I'm so proud of her, and grateful that I get to witness her strength and resolve. She's quite the woman.

BB is amazingly supportive. He really stepped up today by making lunch, helping with the house, and being a great uncle. Yep. I'm proud of him and grateful, too. I mean, he cooked for us today. Need I say more.

Today, we worked together and supported each other just like I always imagined that we would.... like we have so many other times in our past. I am so grateful ... and proud.

Another tidbit about today is that my sis just switched her phone service to the same carrier that I use. We had such a good talk tonight. I'm so glad I found her. I still get this shit eating grin all over my face whenever I think about her. sigh ... My sis is a fighter; a survivor. I have learned so much from her, and I know the feeling is mutual. Yep. I'm proud of her, too, and grateful, of course.

I haven't been feeling well for a couple of days, so this is it for tonight. Lots of pain, fever and headache, too. I can't even begin to think what I'll do if this doesn't pass pretty quickly. I can't even begin to think what I'll do if I need to see a doctor, so it's to bed with me. Guess I'll take some more meds and get some more rest.

Here's to waking up healthy. I'd be so grateful ... but, well, proud? Nah. Just grateful.

My Plan

The time is set. My day is scheduled. There is a plan in place. If I follow the plan, I will get my homework done for Monday and get a good start on what is needed for Wednesday. I will also do at least two good deeds.

The weakest part of the plan surrounds housework. The thought of it tires me. My body slumps, but grows tense all at the same time. I push back a bit from my keyboard. Ah, the signs of resistance. I think I may need therapy on this one, again. It really is silly.

So anyway, if all goes according to plan, I will have done a good chunk of my homework, helped someone I love, and cleaned up our house a bit.

Better throw in some healthy eating there somewhere, I guess. I had fish, couscous, green beans and corn last night. I love fish and veggies. The couscous was OK, too.

Today, I will focus on accomplishing my goals according to a prescribed, pretty well thought out plan. I am practicing for Thursday, November 18th.

On Thursday, November 18, 2010, the American Cancer Society is again sponsoring the Great American Smokeout. I am going to do it this year and see where it takes me. I have been doing bits of planning based on research for a couple of months now.

I've found AA meetings that are smoke-free. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, but meetings are used by many to quit drugs, too; so I'm going to use these meetings to quit cigarettes. I was surprised when I found an organization that has smoke-free AA meetings. The one thing that I've found with AA meetings is that most people smoke. Not exactly the atmosphere to tackle my particular addiction. Kinda like having an AA meeting in a bar. So having found this location so very close to my home, I'm going to do the 90 in 90 thing. That's what they advise alcoholics and addicts to do when they are first quitting; 90 meetings in 90 days.

Today I will stock the house with yummy good food. Veggies, fruit and fish. If I'm not smoking, I can afford fish. Fish is my favorite protein. I will also stock string cheese, almonds and sugar-free jello. I will have to stay away from chocolate because my addiction to chocolate is just as bad, if not worse, than my addiction to cigarettes. I have tons of herbal tea, too. Caffeine does not help me quit smoking.

Tomorrow, I will continue to enjoy my coffee and cigarettes. The next day will be the same. I will probably run out of cigarettes on Tuesday and am still deciding if I'll go ahead and quit on Wednesday or buy another pack and quit on Thursday.

Today, tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday I will consider buying the patch. It worked well before; even though, I didn't use it according to the instructions. This is probably why I developed rashes and had wild dreams. The patch is to be taken off at night. I am a tricky, sick addict who has sabotaged my quitting in the past. I take responsibility for my actions and will not repeat them this time.

There will be no grace period of eating whatever I wish while I quit smoking. This is how I have gained so much weight. It is directly linked to the many times that I have quit smoking and started back up again. At least this time, I will not repeat the mistake of indulging my pouting child with sweets.

I will also use the computer for job searches, homework, and writing this blog. I may or may not play Sudoku and Cubis. We'll see. The bottom line is that I will use the computer as a tool and not as a distraction.

Then there will be the exercise. Honestly haven't wrapped my brain around that one, yet; so I'll be formalizing a plan in the coming days.

So there are a few of my plans for the week. I have stated them without going into a total panic attack. Now I will leave and fill my brain with other thoughts.

One of the Best Movies Ever Made!

So I've been taking care of business and looping "How To Train Your Dragon" all day. Seriously, I've looked for work and done homework while listening and taking a break to watch bits and pieces.

I love everything about "How To Train Your Dragon." There are so many messages and lessons embedded in this gem of movie making. The animation is beautiful and dramatic. The characters are lovable and engaging. The writing is so tight. The pacing is right on. The soundtrack supports the action and emotion of each scene including the end credits with "Sticks & Stones" by Jonsi. Of course, I'm hooked on it because it's about Vikings and Dragons, too. Seriously, what's not to like? Besides, Hiccup reminds me so much of BB that it's uncanny. Astrid reminds me of SA and GL, but seeing as Hiccup and Astrid aren't brother and sister; I tend to think of SA more. That's rather uncanny, too. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Every movie hits a person in a unique way from "Yuck!" to "Brilliant!" because of many factors. If the movie happens to contain a message or messages of some sort, then hopefully the messages get through.

For me, the messages contained in "How To Train Your Dragon" have to do with being yourself, parent/child relationships, war, thriving with disabilities, love, innocence, passion, humor, learning, loyalty, diversity, adapting, teamwork, leadership, creativity, creating a new and better future, and cats. They're all there. It's truly inspiring.

Amazing what a Children's Movie can accomplish when done right. If you haven't seen "How To Train Your Dragon", yet; take some time and plop down for a couple of hours. You may not come away as enthralled as I am, but it will still be worth your while.

I long ago added "How To Train Your Dragon to my list of All-Time Favorite Movies along with "Mary Poppins", "Home For The Holidays", "Love Actually" and "The Insider." There are more on that list, but I'll leave it at that for now.

A Cinematographer I knew a long time ago once said to me, "I'm not saving the world."

"You've saved my world multiple times," I replied.

Here's to the Transformational Power of the Arts! May we all work to keep Art Education alive in our school systems and in our homes.

Sacrifice

Read an article today on the Huffington Post website about proposed changes to Medicare, Social Security, and other governmental programs that help those in need. Cuts are being proposed to these programs. At the same time measures are proposed that would continue to protect the wealthy and powerful.

When I wrote of sacrifice yesterday, I was speaking about ALL citizens sacrificing. Seems the Lower and Middle Classes know how to sacrifice. I'm asking the Upper Class to step up to the plate; or rather, away from it.

Not long ago, there was a campaign fundraiser in my area. Plates at the fundraiser sold for $30,000. The room was filled. Did I hear this correctly? It wasn't $3,000/plate, right? We have people in our country willing to pay that much money to get their candidate elected, but we can't end the Bush tax cuts and keep programs for the needy in place?

What to do? What to do?

Is it time to take to the streets? I'm sending this blog post to the White House and all my representatives, but that just doesn't seem to be enough. I need to meet an organizer and an advocate. I'm stumped.

Everywhere around me people are having a tough time of it. Personal and professional lives are in turmoil, and we keep getting the same message no matter who is in office; protect the wealthy.

Why do we protect the wealthy? Apparently, it's because the wealthy will create jobs and seem to be smarter than those who have less money.

Has Capitalism come round to be a beast of oppression? What was once thought to be an avenue to freedom and opportunity may now be the very instrument of our demise? I think of the old saying, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." We can apply the same premise to Capitalism, I guess. "Capitalism doesn't hurt people. People hurt people."

It's not just Capitalism, though. As a country we have been dumbed down, beat down and are just plain down in the dumps. Well, most of us, anyway. I know that I could be far more active in my education concerning our government and all the policies. So I'll make an effort and keep thinking. My action will be to copy this to everyone I mentioned above.

Is this our American way of life, now? Languish while the Upper Class and Politicians take care of themselves basically on our dime. It's very similar to enabling an addict, don't you think? Seems it's time to stop the vicious cycle. I'm thinking a National Twelve Step Program may be in order. Hmmmm.

OK, that's my focus for a good part of today. Any other ideas out there? Rational ideas, please ... unless they're too funny not to share. Laughter is the best medicine and all that. Besides behind every good piece of humor is a grain of truth. We might hit on something!

Consciously Letting Go

Surviving hardship, disappointment, and pain is difficult for everyone. The following prayers have helped many.

I have always believed in a Higher Power, but I can't say that my understanding is the same as everyone else's. I guess nobody can. My definition has more to do with a perceived connection between all things. I also confess that my belief in a Higher Power is a coping mechanism. Thing is, I've been on the receiving end of so many "coincidental" answers to my concerns that I continue to believe in a Universal Connection.

While I continue to let go of my past and my children, I find comfort in many ways. One way is to read and often repeat the following AA Version of the Serenity Prayer. Another way I cope is to repeat, "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want." I liken both experiences to repeating, "I'm OK", over and over again while going through a Haunted House.

I am letting go of my adult children. I am letting them figure out their lives. It is so difficult. I am choosing to believe that no matter what happens that it is right for me to let go and let them. My parents have done that for me. Their parents did it for them. Besides, after a while, it all just becomes too exhausting.

I'm off to finish my crocheting and homework. I've applied for work today and written one rather long post about two of my four grandpas. I've spent enough time on the computer for one day. I'm off to be creative and concentrate on sending loving energy to the world; my children included.

I have faith that my children will figure out their lives with help from other people besides me. Of course, I am available should they need my help. They know that. I know it, too.

I'm still feeling like Mr. Rogers; I am remembering my life between 25 and 28. A lot of things changed. I had help from my parents and many friends. It was very hard. I survived. I know it was very hard on my parents, too. Guess it's time I acknowledged that and followed their wonderful examples. Still - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. OW! Growing pains suck.

(This officially gets me caught up for November)

Enjoy the prayers!

The Full Original Copy of the Serenity Prayer
by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.


Serenity Prayer
(AA Version)

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form above,
the entire prayer reads as follows:)

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Amen.

... and if this doesn't do it for you, well there's nothing like a good, stupid comedy to help you escape for a while - or - how about a musical? Walk, Anyone? Remember ...

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!

11/11 - Veteran's Day

Woke up this morning thinking about one of my grandpas. Technically speaking, I have four grandpas. The one I was thinking about was a stellar man. He remains an inspiration.

In any case, I woke up with a vivid memory of my grandmother receiving a flag at his funeral and couldn't figure out why. I called Dad and found out that my grandpa was a veteran. I never knew this before. I'd always thought that he didn't serve during WWII. Silly me.

I've tried for the last hour to find out something about his Military Record on-line, but have failed. I did find out his date of birth and confirmed the date he died. My aunt had told me that he died on her thirtieth birthday.

Dad thinks that his step-dad, my grandpa, served in Italy. He's pretty sure of it. I may have to do some research on this one. I'm sure that there's a way to obtain his Military Records; at least what branch he served in and such.

I can't begin to tell you what a wonderful grandpa he was. He's the one who taught me about Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle when I was around six or seven. He always had a place for me on his lap. He always had time for me. He was kind and gentle and wise. He worked for Hamm's Beer as a truck driver for many years, and as a result, most of the family received some sort of Hamm's Beer gift at one time or another.

I was gifted with a Hamm's Beer, stuffed bear that had a radio inside. It was about two feet tall and sat up. It's arms formed a circle that were perfect for putting around my neck. I'd walk around with the bear hanging on me listening to the radio. Being a child and seeing as this was a toy, I loved it to death. I think it finally died in "The Great Flood" that filled our basement when I was in my early teens. I lost the pink poodle that my aunt gave me in that flood, too. It was a tragic event.

I still have three things from my grandpa; a Kennedy, velvet wall hanging that hung in the basement guest room along with many Hamm's Beer signs and two milk glass coffee cups with pheasants on them. I have been meaning to get the wall hanging framed for years. It is still in very good condition. I still use the coffee cups. Sometimes I put votives inside them. They have such a warm, loving glow when they are used as candle holders.

It's not the things that are important, though. My grandpa left me with a way to behave and approach life. It's hard to explain how simple, thoughtful, kind integrity can have such an impact on someone. When I am down or troubled, I often think of my grandpa and how he would've handled the situation. If I am lucky and behave as I imagine he would the results are at least calming and reassuring. I may not receive the results that I am looking for, but at least I know that I've acted in a manner befitting my ancestry. This alone makes me happy and proud. It inspires me to continue to behave in the same manner in the future.

I've heard many stories from my dad and grandma about my grandpa. One of the stories I heard was that my grandpa and grandma only had one really big fight. The reason for this is because my grandpa told my grandma that he would never have another fight like that one again, and they didn't. I can just see him quietly telling her this in a firm voice. What a relief to know that a nice man can set a standard in such a respectful way. What a relief to know that as a couple, my grandparents decided to live their lives together in peace.

I am lucky to have had the grandparents that I have. I use the present tense because while they have all passed, they live on in me. It's taken me many years to mature enough to begin to embody their fine qualities, and I am grateful that I am embarking on what I consider to be my finest adventure: being nice, yet firm. I have excellent teachers, and I strive to make them proud.

So today, I honor two grandfathers who were veterans. I may discover that another grandfather or two were veterans, but for today; I will remember my wonderful grandpa who not only fought for his country but also saved one side of my family, and my unknown grandpa who wasn't as lucky in his lifetime and died, in part, due to his involvement in WWII.

I will remember that being human means that we succeed and fail; and that, lessons are learned in both instances. It's just so much nicer to learn lessons from people who have succeeded than from those who have failed. There is an uplifting emotional charge as opposed to the downward turn that my emotions take.

It's just sad sometimes, but then again, I have to remind myself that my unknown grandpa probably wouldn't want me to be sad. I imagine that he would want me to really go for the brass ring he missed. He was an incredible artist.

I've seen his drawings in letters from the Pacific to my father. They are filled with funny cartoons and perfect print for young son to remember him by.

I am continually surprised that BB's drawing style is so similar to my grandpa's drawing style. I am especially surprised because to the best of my knowledge, BB has never seen the drawings.

I put them in a scrapbook for my dad many Christmases ago, but now the scrapbook is missing. I look for it every time I go back to see my parents, but I haven't found it yet. I haven't given up hope, though.

So today, I'm putting one aspect of my life in perspective. I've always said that I didn't want to make a living as an artist primarily because of my biological grandfather's tragic demise. It was scary to think of all the artists who have had less than desirable lives and deaths because of their excesses. It's even scarier to have a real life example in my own family. It's enough to turn away from such a life. Now that I have matured I have refined my thinking. I'll take the artistic part and leave the excesses.

This is the lesson I was missing. This is the lesson my life-saving grandpa showed me in his simple, kind way because he was also artistic. He worked with wood and had an occasional beer. He did smoke quite a bit and died of lung cancer, so I'll work on that one, too. Still, he was artistic and seemed to have a handle of being a family man and creating wonderful things with wood. He had it in perspective.

This decision will integrate my familial experience with both of my paternal grandpas. With my new life choice, I can continue to be the person that I am meant to be while being a credit to my ancestors; the "good" and the "bad" alike. I can put conflict to rest in one area of my life by taking action. It will still remain scary, but I'm not facing bullets, now am I.

Here's to the many veterans who gave their lives in just and unjust wars whether they died in the ditches and battlefields or after they returned home. May we continue to learn from all of them; so that, we can create a world without war. May we remember the human toll that war takes on all of us.

Let us also take action to help our veterans and their families as more soldiers return from war and more die. We have lots of work to do as a nation to insure that future generations live the fullest life possible. We have a lot of work to do to insure that civilians and veterans live a good life.

Remember, war can be loosely defined to include many tragedies that occur all across the USA every day. While we specifically remember veterans of war today, let us not forget the toll that violence takes on us all. There are people living in the USA who experience more PTSD than people living in Baghdad. I would like to see our country make a commitment to "being nice, yet firm." We have generations of violence and abuse to undo.

If we are willing to send men and women off to foreign countries to fight for our freedom, let's give up the freedom to commit violent acts; be they subtle or overt. If our soldiers are doing their part for us, let's do our part for them and commit to creating a country worth fighting for. If our soldiers are willing to give their lives, let's be willing to give our lives, too.

We all need to work together to find the solutions to the challenges that face us. The fighting must stop, and we must focus on what is more important; our survival as a nation. We need to focus on making sure that people have enough to eat, somewhere safe to sleep, health care services that truly incorporate all aspects of an individual's health, and a job for everyone that is capable of working. Our seniors deserve to be cared for as do those with disabilities. We have a lot of figuring to do, and it's time we really get to work and make even more sacrifices; so that, we all can lead the best lives possible. We need to focus on solutions and compromise. We need to reach a detente and move forward; so that, when our loved ones return from Hell we can provide a bit of Heaven on Earth. I have confidence that if we set our minds to it, we can survive every kind of war imaginable and prevent future wars from happening. All of us need to remember that ...

United we stand. Divided we fall.

I love you, Grandpas! Rest in Peace. You live on in me and mine. A truce has been called, and I am no longer at war with myself because I honor both of you. Your lives were not lived in vain. Your love and lessons live on in so many. We'll take all the good, learn from the bad, and commit to creating a better world for everyone. Lofty goals can be achieved through hard-work, persistence and commitment in the name of love. ... and yes, artists can and do make a difference.

Waited Soooo Long ....

Well, yesterday I didn't have much to write about early on, so I waited ... too long, it turns out. Here I am now, and I will be one post behind for a while because today is very busy. There will not be time for two posts today, and this post will be short.

Yesterday, I "stood at the ready" for my Internship, but was not needed. As a result, I decided to crochet for most of the day. I could've done some homework, but I decided to do it this afternoon instead.

Crocheting went amazingly well. I am almost finished with my project thanks to chunky yarn and a HUGE crochet hook. My project is getting good reviews from BB, too. I'm hoping to have it wrapped up by Friday.

Other than that, well, it was the day after my birthday. Seeing as how my birthday was so up and down, I decided to take a bit of a breather from my constant activities to refresh my mind, body and spirit. It seems to have worked.

The healing started on Monday night at DVS Group with a guided imagery session from a CD by Belleruth Naparstek. It was just what I ordered; or rather, pleaded for. I wanted the pain to stop! Ms. Naparstek has a whole line of books and guided imagery CDs that address a whole series of issues and ailments. The CD we listened to was about healing from trauma. A nice bit of work was done in a gentle, focused way. My pain disappeared. I was also reminded of how well guided imagery used to work for me so many years ago. I used to do it one to three times a week when I lived in California and was studying Laying On of Hands Healing and Trance Channeling. I refer to those years lovingly as my "Shirley MacLaine Years." I reaped a lot of benefits from those years which is good because the negative aspects are pretty bad. The experiences I had in California have reinforced my resolve and commitment to "throwing out the bathwater and not the baby."

Anyway, having successfully put myself back together yesterday, I went to my NAMI class with treats in hand. It was a very good class, and I am farther along on my knitting project, too. We only have one more class. Our last class is a party. Hmmmm. Do I go? It is at a very good restaurant and will cost less than twenty dollars. I'll probably go.

After class, I had a wonderful talk with an old friend. It was so wonderful that I used the opportunity to go for a walk around the block. I haven't been walking like I need to and had come up with YET ANOTHER idea on how to achieve my goal; take all the good people who care about me along with me in my mind and heart. It occurred to me in NAMI class. One of my biggest issues is being alone. While I can tell myself that I am not alone because of all the people who care about me, I still struggle with the internal mindset. It is a strange feeling to be sitting in a crowd feeling all alone, isn't it. Well, I'd decided that by taking my good people with me on my walks, I might have more success and enjoy the whole experience more. Last night's walk was done while on the phone with my old friend, so this was a boon. Besides, her whole thing is fitness, so she was delighted when I told her that I had just completed my walk with her help; and that, she hadn't even realized it! Yeah Us!

That leads me today. It is 9:31am, and it is time for me to get ready for my day. Big meeting today with studying and school afterwards. It will be about fourteen hours of non-stop activity and thinking. Can't see as how I'll be interested in or have the energy for posting again tonight. Besides, my goal when leaving class on Wednesday nights is to make it home in time for "Perry Mason."

Take care of yourselves, Everyone.

51

Well, it's that time of year again. It is my birthday. I am officially fifty-one years old.

Since I didn't start this blog until April of this year, I haven't written a full year's worth of posts. This means that I will continue to write every day until April 7, 2011. I don't know what will happen after that. I can't remember if I said that my goal was to write something every day for a year. Course, there's a lot I don't remember these days.

It is my birthday, and I will be going to class, coming home, and going to group. It's a busy, beautiful day. I still haven't really picked out my "birthday suit", but I will shower. :D

I'm leaving early for class; so that, I can stop and get treats for my class. What to get? What to get? I'll figure out something. I just like the idea of bringing a treat for my class again after so many years.

Home will be fun because I will see BB, GL, and The Grandgirls. This is something too special for words. I've bought the cake, ice cream, the stuff for lunch, and a "How to Train Your Dragon" DVD for Big Girl. Since Little One didn't make it last week, she's still got a few presents waiting for her. It should be a very nice hour or so of celebrating. Oh! ... and I don't really know what kind of cake I bought for me. I know that it's Kosher and has blue decorations because blue is Big Girl's favorite color, but I'm really not sure what kind of cake is under the frosting. I'm definitely sure that it's not lutefisk, though. I think it's half yellow and half chocolate, but we'll see. :D

Group tonight will be good. I'm thinking about what I can bring for my fellow participants. Maybe left over birthday cake - so I don't eat the whole thing.

Well, the stove timer is going off which means that it is time for me to get going. Have a wonderful day, Readers! Take a moment to send some good, loving energy to all the people in the world who need it - like Everybody. Here's to all the world's challenges being met and overcome. That truly is the only present I really want.

Take care and much love to you all!

Well, it is twenty to three and two-thirds of my birthday plans have been accomplished. I've been to school (provided treats to my classmates) and have celebrated my birthday with my grandgirls and children. Neither grandgirl wanted to leave today. Oh the tugs on the heartstrings - all of ours. Since the birthday cake didn't get cut into, I'm taking it to class tomorrow night. I figured that I'd bring left overs from my birthday for snacks, so I might as well bring it. I've got mini-cupcakes for group tonight.

Lesson today, so far, keep moving forward through all the little disappointments. Work to get what you need. Ask respectfully. People understand and will help. People do have faith in me and mine. Grief is hard to work through, but well, you know. It's my B-Day! I'm going to the beach today, too! First just a little lay down time to kinda gather myself.

Glorious End

How I love the end of Daylight Savings Time. I feel so good with my extra hour of sleep. I don't mind that it will be dark earlier either. Having been a night owl for most of my life, I like the darkness.

I'm even looking forward to the snow. I love the visual contrast between the snow and the barren trees. I like how snow sparkles in the moon light.

For now, though, I will enjoy the Fall. It is crisp and colorful.

I'm off to finish up the never-ending Digital Sound project today. It's not going to sound as good as I wish it would, but at least I'm getting the technical skills down a bit. Very intensive project that has kicked my butt for too long. It's time to but it to bed and move on.

After finishing Digital Sound, if time permits, I will be doing my three critiques for Scriptwriting. My goal is to get all of my homework done today; so that, I can devote the attention needed to my Project Manager duties for the rest of the week.

Besides everything else, I still have DVS Group on Monday night and NAMI Class on Tuesday night. I'd like to hit Al-Anon Meetings on Wednesday and Friday morning, too. Friday afternoon, I'm back to the Hippotherapy facility, too. These are all my self-help activities. They all happen to be free, too.

My life continues to be busy, and I know that I've filled my days and nights with activity in an effort to continue to deal with my grief. This Thanksgiving will mark the one year anniversary of spending my first Thanksgiving with GL and her husband at their home; the one and only time I went there for a meal or holiday. I think I will be spending it alone. GL will not be spending it with me, and I've encouraged BB to spend it with SA and her family if he's invited. I will be fine alone. I have many things to do. I could also just be a bum all day long. I could also go work at a shelter or "soup kitchen" for the day; something I've always wanted to do.

I'm looking ahead to Christmas, and realize that it will be frugal and loving. The only presents I foresee giving to anyone will be to my "grandgirls" (just had that word pop out of my mouth yesterday, and I like it). I'm looking at my cash flow to see if I can give a bit to my parents and children. It's going to be tight.

I've been pretty obsessed with the end of my Extended Benefits through Unemployment lately. Extended Benefits end on December 4th for my state. This means that if I don't find some sort of steady work, I will be without any income right before Christmas. I've been sitting on my Financial Aid rather than buying that Mac I've been dreaming of. I know how to live frugally.

Maybe over Winter Break I'll attempt to quit smoking again. I'm an addict and quitting is incredibly hard. It's the money more than the health. I pretty much figure that I'll be dying of lung cancer at this point. I'm going to die earlier than expected I think. It's just a thought that has been going through my brain lately. Just the stress and grief of the whole life situation. I can't focus on that, though. Just have to keep moving forward and doing the best that I can.

Smoking is one of two of my last vices. My other vice is sweets. Smoking and eating sweets seem to go hand-in-hand, so guess I'll set a Quit Date and lock myself up in a padded cell somewhere. Argh. This would probably be the best Christmas present that I could give to my family, so maybe that thought will keep me going. Oh Just - SHIT! I'll spare you any more dribble on that subject.

I've come to realize that it's harder than I thought to make positive changes while so tired, stressed, and down-hearted. People do it all the time, though; so I'm still plugging away. Man, I fail a lot. I guess I succeed a lot, too. Think it's time to pull out a few of the old standards regarding Positive Thinking. Norman Vincent Peale, here I come.

I've also got my St. Jude candle burning. While I'm not Catholic, ever since I lived in LA, I have bought the glass candles with various Saints, Jesus, and the Virgin Mother. I love candles and having a place in my home that reminds me to focus on being faithful and good. I have a lovely, brass, hanging candle holder in my kitchen that I bought from a Hindu store a few years ago. I try to keep a candle lit in it at all times. It started out as a candle in honor of our troops, but has simply turned into a candle in honor of humanity. My St. Jude candle is lit in honor of continuing to focus on receiving the help I need. It is also lit for those I love who need help, too. I do receive quite a few answers to my prayers and meditations. I am lucky that way. Life could be so much worse.

OK, enough rambling for this morning. It is time to get going. Taking action is a great cure for the blues. I'm not so down today. Like I said, "I love the end of Daylight Savings Time." Of course, this bit of my personality flies in the face of so many which makes me a bit nervous. I don't mean to be contrary. There are just so many areas where I know that I don't fit in. I'm still searching for that community of people who are like me. I wonder if I'll ever be lucky enough to find them ... and even luckier to work with them.

I've decided that I'm a creative person, so now I have to figure out how to make a living as a creative person when over half of my life is over. Grandma Moses. That's who I think of when I think that thought. Here's to Grandma Moses and so many others who found something wonderful in life during their second half.

Man, I miss my grandgirls. OK! ENOUGH! Time to go make everyone proud of me - and reduce my stress level. Later!

NPR

This post will be short. I just want to recommend that people check out NPR (National Public Radio). I'm listening to a live stream from WBEZ right now. "Sound Experience" is on. "This American Life" will be on at noon.

"Sound Experience" is all about music. The last time I heard it, an engineer/producer was being interviewed. Today it was a band out of California. After the interview, reviews of new CDs were done.

BIG NEWS! Brian Ferry has a NEW Solo Album! It's good, too!

"This American Life" is now playing, so I have to go pay attention. This week's subject is Toxic Assets. This is my homework assignment for Digital Sound.

Check out NPR! There are many, many great shows that can be streamed LIVE right on your computer. "Prairie Home Companion", Anyone?

Heidi Harvey - Childhood Friend Does Well

Today, Dad told me that a childhood friend of mine has won an award for her Pro Bono work as an attorney. Kudos to Heidi Harvey! She always was a phenomenal female. Course, she was also my best friend's older sister, so I've known of her strength for years. I couldn't be happier if I tried.

Here's to Heidi Harvey, a true story of a small town girl done good. Keep up the great work, Heidi. You're all that and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. :D

Here's the link to Heidi's Profile:

http://www.fr.com/heidi-e-harvey/

... and from me to you - Thank your becoming an inspirational leader who has devoted so much of your time to helping those who need someone good like you to help them.

My mind is flooded with memories of the years we spent hanging out when Gretchen was my best friend. We had a lot of fun in such an eclectic and wholesome environment. Folks, there's no one on the face of the Earth that experienced life like Heidi, Gretchen and me. From riding horses to pretending to be The Andrews Sisters to playing on the train tracks to reading Shakespeare and more - our childhood time together is quite hard to explain to many; but perfectly understandable to me. It's kinda "Stand By Me" mixed with "Little Women", or something like that.

I always figured Heidi would go on to do well. She's exceeded my expectations!

Heidi, wherever you are tonight and for the rest of your days; Take care and all my best to you and yours! OH! ... and when I get my screenplay done, can we talk about Intellectual Property Law? ;)

School

Goodness, I'm tired. I put in a full day yesterday. It was good.

After running an important errand, I went to my bank to get loan information. I'd like to finance getting a Mac. The info at the bank wasn't promising. I'd need a Co-Signer who's been employed for two years. The interest rate was a lot higher than I expected, too. Still, it is good to be informed and educated. I can now look at other options.

From the bank, I went to school. I had an appointment with my instructor at noon, but he didn't make it. That was OK. I was planning on staying there to work, anyway.

I worked on Digital Sound from about 12:30pm until 4:30pm. I successfully saved my project and will be returning to meet with my instructor at 5pm today. After our meeting, I will be staying to work on my project until the library closes. I can focus and work up there.

At 7pm, I had Scriptwriting. My script was workshopped last night. Man, how I was dreading the workshopping.

It turned out pretty much as expected. During the "What Works" portion, two positive things were said; then the "What Didn't Work" elements came streaming in. It was an interesting process for me. It was a slap in the face when only two good things were said before people really took off on what they didn't like. Things got better, though. After people had a chance to say most of what they didn't like, they revisited what they did like. Of course, this put me back together a bit. I wrote six pages of notes. I also sent "Thank You" emails to my classmates and instructor. While only a bit painful, it was a great learning experience that has given me clarity and direction. It really has. I can go into details in a later post, but for now - the important things are strong and the thing that I wasn't attached to and didn't think would work is gone - NOW. :D

.... So I think I started this post this morning and got sidetracked reading the notes on my script. Glad it got saved as a draft.

When I left today at about 11:30am and got home from school at around 10:30pm. Even longer day tomorrow. I hope I finish this project soon because I have a ton of other things to do. Oh, and the project is my Digital Sound assignment. I'm borrowing the instructor's SoundTrack Pro 2 book until Monday. I'm sure it will help.

OK, I'm off to bed. Up at 5:30am tomorrow. Take care, All.

Letter to Senator-Elect Mark Kirk

Dear Senator-Elect Kirk,

I am disappointed that you won tonight. During the years that I met you, you showed yourself to be a lying, scheming, arrogant man. I have not respected you since those years. You now represent me in the Senate. I am not affluent, nor are many of the people who live in your former Congressional district. You have been flippant in your comments about those you represent. Your voting record has never reflected my viewpoint. With all of that said, here are my issues:

1. In one month, if I still don't find a job; I will have no income. Do you know anyone who would be willing to hire me? I am articulate, educated, over fifty years old and fat. Ageism is alive and well in our country, as are many other bigoted views. What do you plan on doing about that?

2. I haven't had health insurance since January 2009, nor have I seen a doctor. County Health services have been cut. Do you have a plan to provide health care to American citizens who do not have minor children?

3. Campaign Finance and Content Reform. This past campaign was a disgrace. Character Assassination Ads are NOT worth the over three billion dollars that were spent on them this past campaign season. All I can think of when I see these ads is, "What if all this money was used to help the people who really need the help?" I am thoroughly disgusted with almost every politician nation-wide.

4. Please stop talking out of both sides of your mouth. You know what you lie about. Stop it.

5. I expect you to vote "NO" if the issue of raises ever comes up in the Senate. Remember, you are our employee. We pay for you to represent us. If it were up to me, I would've fired you as a Congressman.

6. I would like you to work with Senator Durbin to introduce legislation that address paying back the money that was "borrowed" from Social Security. See, you have messes that you didn't create to clean up, too.

7. I also expect you to work with President Obama, someone I also met numerous times and ended up respecting.

8. Please stop the smug dialogue, and work for the people you represent. Times are tough out here. We deserve someone who has the intelligence to put his constituents needs above his own political and personal needs. This is the job you just won. We expect you to do your best for us. You have six years of job security which is more than a lot of us can say. Get to work.

9. God forbid, you align yourself with Sarah Palin. For God's Sake, please be smarter than that.

I do not look forward to your term in office. I will be participating in our governmental process by sending occasional emails. I do expect you to represent all the people of this state and not just the affluent.

Sincerely,
Michelle A. Ofstun

Digital Sound Assignment

Well, I've worked for about seven hours on my Digital Sound assignment and lost it all twice now. Argh.

I'm sure you can understand when I don't really post anything else today.

Two-Edged Sword

Today has been very productive. It has also been emotionally and intellectually exhausting.

Digital Sound went well except that all the work I did last Monday and since didn't get saved properly, so I'm starting from scratch. Schnikies! Oh well.

I took my first quiz and know I got two wrong. Schnikies, AGAIN!

Seeing BB, GL and Big Girl was great! Little One has an ear infection, so she wasn't able to come to play. Big Girl wasn't happy to leave my house and me. :( Terrible two-edged sword; she loves me and it was just sad to see her sad. I'm trying to think what I can do for her for next week.... I'll think of something. We had so much fun. She said, "Cool" when she opened up her shiny, blue soccer ball. She liked her puzzles, too. I didn't give her the Play Dough Fun Factory, yet.

You know I've mentioned that I do get quite a few prayers answered. Well today as soon as I'd parked my car in my driveway, Big Girl came running up to me with her arms outstretched! She gave me such a big hug. This is a prayer answered. You see, I've never been one to be loud when greeting children. I don't want to impose on them or frighten them. I prefer to do things my grandma's way; let them come to me. I was beginning to wonder if Big Girl would ever run up to me with a big hug. It's a selfish prayer, I know. Just feeling a bit needy, I guess. Well, in any case, today I realized another dream come true.

After BB, GL, and Big Girl left; I ate some meat loaf and corn bread. I did a bit of work; responded to messages and emails. After that, I had to lay down. I was exhausted.

Finally, I got up and went to my Domestic Abuse Survivors Group. It was good for me.

Now I am home and ready for bed. Perry Mason will be on soon. I'm going to grab my drawing pad and markers and finally figure out the designs of my next three crocheting projects. Maybe I'll knit a little scarf for Big Girl for next week.

Oh, and next week when I see Big Girl and Little One; it will be my birthday. I really want to take Big Girl to the Hippotherapy Facility for a pony ride as a birthday present to me. I've heard that she's a bit afraid of horses, so this might be a good thing for her. Maybe it would be good for her to see MeeMa riding a horse. Maybe I'll take a lesson on my birthday. I'll have to see.

Tomorrow, I'm planning on heading to school to get a whole bunch of work done. My goal is to get as much work done as possible on Tuesday; so that, when I meet with my Digital Sound instructor on Wednesday I'll have something substantial to show him. I suppose if all goes well, I'll just stay up there until Scriptwriting. I really like being up at school. It energizes me. I can focus up there.

OK, off with me. Take care, All.

Gratulerer Med Dagan, Aase!

"Happy Birthday, Aase" - in Norwegian.
(Note: Since I do not have my keyboard set up to type an "A with a ring above it", I use "Aa" for Aase's name.)

Quite a while ago, I traveled to Iowa to meet relatives from Norway. Aase had been writing to my grandma for years, and Mom told me that if I wanted to meet some Norwegian relatives that I'd better get to Grandma's house. Away I went with kids in tow.

It was a nice afternoon. They were very nice. We exchanged addresses. Everyone had a wonderful time. We took pictures together. We laughed and talked quite a bit.

Mostly, I watched and listened as Aase and Grandma talked. Well, it was something to see and hear. Aase showed my grandma the respect and appreciation that she deserved. Aase genuinely admired my grandma. I've never had any doubts that everyone should admire my grandma, but to see these two talking and laughing was so heart-warming. I have no idea what they wrote to each other all those years, but they were very comfortable together.

When I wasn't eavesdropping on Aase and Grandma, I talked with Harald. He was very nice. I immediately took a liking to him, too.

A few years later, Grandma died. I was the one who told Aase. I told her in a letter, I believe, but maybe it was through email. Not exactly the best way to tell someone something like that, but certainly timely. I took to writing to Aase more often. I even called Norway a couple of times.

I even sent packages once. This ended up being a very embarrassing, comedic event. It created hassles for them instead of delighting them, as I had hoped. In my over-enthusiasm, I made a fool of myself. Aase continually told me not to worry about it, but it plagues me to this day. It's not fun to make such a silly first impression ... though, I'm sure not all of what I sent or did was completely foolish... still, "what a dolt, I was." That was years ago, though; and we've all moved on from then. I've never sent another package. LOL

Aase would send the most amazing letters. Beautifully handwritten in English with pictures of family and surroundings. They are pages and pages long. I've kept every one of them. She's also had Harald type up emails for her to send to me. At least I think that's how it goes. I do get things wrong sometimes, so maybe she types them herself, but .... whatever. It does give me a wonderful visual of Aase sitting with Harald over the computer telling him what to type, and Harald being the nice man that he is typing for her.

It's been many years of keeping in touch. I haven't done such a good job lately due to my plethora of personal and professional trials, but I continually thinkg about Aase and Harald, their children, grandchildren and various cousins. I'm of the firm opinion that I have more relatives in Norway than in the US since meeting Aase and Harald.

Keeping in touch with Aase has been a joy. Aase has broaden my world view. I think we get on quite nicely. We've discussed home improvement, Harald's painting (both artistic and practical), the Norwegian Health Care System! (YAH!), each son and their families, politics, holidays, food, history, opera, art, genealogy, humanity, family and friends. I've learned bits about my cousins "over the pond" thanks to Aase. Having never met any other Norwegian cousins face-to-face, Aase and Harald personify all that is good about Norway to me.

I dream of going to Norway someday and seeing Aase and Harald again. I'd like to meet my other cousins in person, too. ... and Yes, it is a beautiful country, so some sights would be good. Well, let's just face it; I dream of moving there and experiencing all the country has to offer. I've had this dream for a good long while, but it's grown into an obcession since meeting Aase and Harald.

I've had more contact with other Norwegian cousins from both my mother and father's sides of the family since meeting Aase and getting on Facebook. I have to say that all that I've had the chance to be in touch with have proven to be conscientious, funny, nice, intelligent, and down-to-earth. I'm very impressed. ... and yes, Jone, Atle, Elizabeth, Berit, Ruth, Anita, Elin, Malin, Svein, and Steffan - I'm talking about you and many others.

While I realize that Norway like any country has its good and bad people, but I've never had contact with a Norwegian that was anything but stellar. Something about ... well, I've only met nice Norwegians. (This is one of the reasons I like Thor Hushovd, by the way - He's nice... from what I hear - a fierce competitor, oh World Champion [CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!] - and nice.... but I've gone and gotten distracted again. Oops!)

I do have to admit that Aase will always remain #1 with me as far as the relatives go. Yes, it's because I met Harald and her first, but she's earned the distinction through action and deed. There is so much more I could say, but for now, I'll leave it at that. I am just very grateful that I took that trip to Iowa so long ago. It remains one of the best decisions that I've ever made.

October 31st is Aase's birthday. When I first met her, Norway did not celebrate Halloween. A few years passed, and all of a sudden, Norway decided to celebrate Halloween. Aase was not happy.

"They've ruined my birthday," she told me, "It's all ghouls and scary things."

I was dismayed seeing as I have always enjoyed Halloween, but I certainly could understand her point. After all, not all of Halloween is about ghouls, ghosts and goblins in the US. We do dress up as innocent, happy characters, too. I did my best to explain this to her and added that I hoped that Norway's celebration would either die off or incorporated the more innocent aspects of the holiday.

In any case, October 31st will always be Aase's birthday first and Halloween second in my book.

What An Amazing Week!

I just got off the phone with my daughter after a morning of researching "Letting Go of Adult Children." Sometimes life is very serendipitous.

In case the "linkie thingie" at the top of my post doesn't work, I've found a wonderful blog, Zen In The Art of Living Bipolar, http://bpwellness.blogspot.com .
Even if you don't know anyone who is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I recommend this blog.

To recap my amazing week:

1. Saw my granddaughters on Monday after too many months apart.

2. Excelled in Digital Sound on Monday.

3. Found a safe place where I know I will be helped in my Domestic Abuse Survivors group on Monday.

4. Learned wonderful communication techniques in my NAMI Family-to-Family class on Tuesday night.

5. On Tuesday night, I was surprised by a request to be Project Manager by a woman whom I respect and who has transformed my life on multiple occasions. (I believe that I have used "whom" and "who" correctly in that sentence.)

6. Accepted Project Manager Position on Tuesday night.

7. Helped someone I love on Wednesday morning.

8. Attended my first Creative Meeting in over seven years on Wednesday afternoon.

9. Received another amazing phone call from my boss that has helped me in more ways than anyone knows.

10. Attended Scriptwriting class and workshopped one of the best short film scripts that I've ever read which included defending my viewpoint to the entire class.

11. Successfully handled technical computer/email issues on Thursday resulting in a successful transmission of notes from the meeting and multiple emails.

12. Received a return phone call from my Digital Sound instructor that included an unsolicited Extension offer, understanding and encouragement.

13. Accepted the Extension offer, understanding and encouragement.

14. Thursday night, I posted 16 pages of my script for workshopping next week in Scriptwriting class. (May I add, "YIKES!"? Yes, I'm scared.)

15. Thursday night I also had a wonderful talk/venting session with SA that lifted my spirits, and hopefully hers, too. (BB mostly listened.)

16. Friday morning I followed up with a team member about emails and worked with her to solve IT problems. :D

17. Friday I also made my first mistake in my Project Manager position and owned it honestly and professionally, apologized and promised that I will improve. (This isn't difficult for me, but it certainly isn't fun to disappoint someone who has shown such faith in me and invested so much time encouraging me. I attribute this mistake to nerves and over-enthusiasm focused on NOT making a mistake. Live and learn - and incorporate the learning into future success.)

18. I wrote another page and a half of my script and made corrections on my script on Friday night, too.

19. Friday night also saw the start of another crochet project for an upcoming birthday. (I'm flying on this one. Could have it done in a matter of days!)

20. Did research on Saturday morning about "letting go" and bipolar disorder.

21. Received amazing hour and a half phone call from my amazing daughter followed by a few brief scheduling calls from her. (Yes, I do get my prayers answered! I am also confident that she is capable of handling her life because she is a wonderfully strong, insightful, loving, intelligent and sincere person.)

22. Received a return phone call from one of my favorite people and had a long over-due catch up session.

23. It is now Saturday afternoon, and I'm headed to the showers and to do a few hours work on my Digital Sound homework.

One last thing before I go. Even though BB is only mentioned briefly in this post, I need to make it officially known that he helps me so much in so many ways. I am so lucky to have such a compassionate, insightful, patient, communicative, intelligent, creative, hard-working, and loving son.

People, it's been an amazing week. I am now focused on SUSTAINING Our Successes.

Productive Day

Well, as promised, I am posting tonight. I'm all about keeping my promises.

So, I spent the morning doing a bit of work; typing up notes and getting my email account to work. That felt good.

I'm a bit over-enthusiastic with my new assignments, but I'll mellow and match my approach to the needs of my contemporaries. I'm just so excited to have my brain involved in something challenging again that I'm like a child with a new toy. Silly me.

I made a few personal phone calls in an attempt to get more accomplished and ended up leaving messages. One message was about an appointment with my Digital Sound instructor that I was cancelling because I would be late for it because I lost track of time while doing homework. The other two calls were regarding my rent. Nothing exciting, but it would've been nice to clear up the rent issue today. I'll have to try again tomorrow.

My instructor returned my phone call which was really nice. He was cool with my reasons for not driving up to see him. He gave me an extension on my assignment, and I didn't even ask for one. That is wild-ly appreciated. In his honor, I will be working my tuchus off on my assignment all weekend.

I finished the first sixteen pages of my script and submitted it for workshopping next week. NOTE TO SELF: Always print a copy and proof-read before submitting something like this. I've already found typos and things that I would change. Argh. Oh well, the bones are there. I know it's going to change, but it is what it is for now.

I have no clue how it will be received. I think it might freak people out 'cause I used my real name and the real names of a few other people. The story is based on finding my sister, like I've said before. The details are in the names, places and events. Certain strange coincidences that add to things and all that. I suppose I could change the names in the story, but I really want to honor "Grandma" and "Grandpa." They are central to the story and were such amazingly good people. I'd like a few more people to know their names because they deserve the recognition.

I sacrificed watching "The Big Bang Theory" and "Perry Mason" tonight. They are the only shows that I actually schedule time to watch these days. Strange, I know. I used to schedule my time around watching "Numb3rs", but it's been cancelled. I have seen it on late at night on the weekends, so that makes me happy.

Let's see. How else can I bore you to tears? Oh, here's something: I'm going to go watch "The Untouchables" and do some knitting. Can't think of anything else, so I'll stop torturing you for tonight.

Have a great day tomorrow. I'll do the same.

Uh.....

I meant to post last night. Really I did. I just fell asleep.

Yesterday was amazing. I spent a solid twelve hours thinking and doing things that required that I stay focused, analytical, insightful, and organized. I wrote a lot. It's been a while since I've had a day as intense and enjoyable as yesterday, so naturally; I'm a bit tired today.

Still, there is much to be done, so I'm making this short. I can fill everyone in a bit later on a few things. It has been one amazing week, though.

Here's a shout out to the people who take the time to clear things up quickly! You are my kind of people!

I really am quite happy now. This week has been a banner week, so far. Time to finish it up with a bang. Time to get to work.

Take care, All.

That's Right!

Welcome to a 5:30am, groggy post.

I woke up about an hour ago fighting my blankets and dripping in sweat. Don't be alarmed. I do this more often than I've related to anyone I know. I'm actually quite used to it. Not that it's a good thing. In this case, I figure my Domestic Abuse Survivors group really triggered some dreams or something because this time I was actually sore from my struggle. I don't remember what I was dreaming, or if I was dreaming at all. I just woke up, was hot, and got up because I could hear the wind whipping up.

We're supposed to have two days of nasty weather starting today. Right now it's cool and windy. Quite dramatic. I love the wind. Since I'm heavier now, I love the cool weather, too. This is a bit of all right.

Well, yesterday was one pretty big, important day. Three major things happened.

1. I got to see my granddaughters after not seeing them for three months and a week and four months and a week.

2. I talked to my Digital Sound instructor about why my attendance and performance has been what it has been and informed him of the reason why things were going to change.

3. I went to my first Domestic Abuse Survivors group session.

Seeing my granddaughters, as I previously wrote, was all about the warm fuzzies. My oldest and I played with her wooden train set to start out with. Then she wanted to know where the other birds were because she only found Buzz, the Buzzard (Beanie Babies). Well, I had to explain that her birds had gone to live in the basement for a while; and that, I would go down and get them all. After I did that, there was a joyous reunion between Buzz and Ozzie, the Ostrich. It was so heartwarming to see her play with the toys that she remembers being at MeeMa's house. She also made comment about the clouds in our living room. I told her that I painted them there for her ... and me and BB. When I asked her if I should add some fairies to the clouds, she thought that I should. She also thought that I should add some doggies and something else. When she saw her old Care Bears and Princesses balls, she wanted to go outside and play; so we did. Of course in the process, we woke up her little sister. Oops. We went out to play anyway, and let her mommy (GL) and BB tend to her sister. We had so much fun outside until BB came and asked if I would go upstairs to help with the grouchy one.

Well, this kinda made me nervous, but onwards and upwards - literally. I hadn't seen her in four months, so I just wasn't sure how she'd take me. Oh how she cried. Nothing would soothe her until I just got her dressed, grabbed a couple blankets and took her outside, too. Well, I can't completely say that. There was this moment when she calmed down for a bit while I cooed to her. She looked up at me with such big, sad eyes; and then, she did something that completely surprised me: she put her forehead against my cheek and nuzzled me. Most people I've met discount a child's memory prior to a certain age, but seeing as my first memory is from before I could walk; I ignore them. I am of the firm opinion that my youngest granddaughter did remember me in that moment. We'd had this one amazing time when she was about three months old when we locked eyes and looked into each others' souls for a good minute or two. A minute or two is a long time to lock eyes with anyone, but we sunk into each other. It was one of those "time stood still" moments that transported me and maybe her, too. When she looked in my eyes yesterday, it was with the same recognition. In fact, as soon as she heard my voice, she calmed down for a brief moment, so I've got to think that somewhere inside her a memory existed that told her that this woman, her MeeMa, was a good, loving, safe person.

As soon as I started downstairs, Little One stopped crying and started looking around. We went outside and walked for a while until I wanted to sit down. Since she was agreeable, I'm happy to report that we had a lovely time just being still and watching the goings on around us. There I sat bouncing my youngest granddaughter on my knee, letting her just take in the outdoors. That's when I checked her teeth. Sure enough, she's getting in her two top teeth. I sent BB upstairs to get a cold washcloth with a piece of ice in it and some baby carrots. Neither was put in her mouth, but they did supply some distraction. The chipmunks should've had a feast last night for all the carrots on the grass, but Little One was happy to play with them. She was so happy that she started clapping and "talking" to us. It wasn't long before I spread out one of the blankets and sat her down on it. She's crawling. She can move herself around quite well.

While all of this was happening, GL and her oldest played and played. It was so good to see them together again. GL is such a good Mom. Her oldest is quite clear that her mommy is Her Mommy and no one else compares. This, too, is wonderful to see.

When Big Girl and I started playing, GL played with Little One. Again, I got to see that mother/child bond. Of course, I'd seen it when I first got home and saw everyone. GL was sitting in our easy chair holding Little One, who was fast asleep. Seems Little One wouldn't lay down in a bed. She only wanted to be held by her mommy. Again and again, this fills me with such joy.

Well, like I said yesterday, I just basked in the glow of seeing my granddaughters for a good long while yesterday. As a result, I was happy enough to go out and buy a few inexpensive toys for them for the next time they come to MeeMa's house. An eight dollar bright, shiny, blue soccer ball because Big Girl's favorite color is blue and a mini-Playdough Fun Factory on sale for ten dollars were all I got for Big Girl. Little One got a couple teething rings that can be frozen or cooled, a musical rattle that's shaped like a piano and plays bits of Classical classics, and a cloth and wood stackable ring toy on sale, of course. MeeMa is frugal and discerning with her purchases.

Prior to seeing my granddaughters, I had the opportunity to talk with my Digital Sound instructor about all that's been going on in my life and the lives of those I love. He was so understanding.

I interrupted him as he was about to ask if I would like to drop the class with a firm, "I'm not dropping. I will do whatever it takes. Everyday. Here. Wherever."

He kinda gulped, took a deep breath, and proceeded to tell me what my first step was to get caught up. He headed to help the rest of the class, and I started on my project. God Bless my class for being behind like me. I mean it! The assignment that I was willing to take an "F" on isn't due until next week. Originally, it was due yesterday.

The best part of class was that as I completed each section, I would report to him; and he would set me on the next step. I worked quickly accomplishing each task. When he came to check my work, he was visibly impressed.

"OK. If you can knock out this part, you'll be in good shape," he told me pointedly.

I got one third of the assignment done in an hour. Only three people were in good shape when class started, so I was among many who were catching up. I held my own. Now this feels pretty fantastic. It's nice to surprise people with my skills because to look at me you wouldn't really think that computer/technical stuff is one of my fortes. Ah, that "never judge a book by its cover" thing rides again. In any case, I've found renewed passion, determination, and commitment to my Digital Sound class and school in general. Big moment.

Thirdly, my Domestic Abuse Survivors group is GREAT! It's heartbreaking, but I feel safe and like I'm in the right place. I've come to realize that even though I went through two years of therapy while I was going through my divorce, I never really internalized the necessary coping skills for dealing with abusive people and situations. I have never really valued myself the way I value others. I'm sitting in a room with women who have decided to learn how to value themselves and live a healthy, productive, loving life. My circumstances are not as dire as some in the group, for which I am grateful. I thought my heart would break when I listened to each woman briefly describe what had happened in their lives, and why they were in the group. I could go on about it taking me over twenty years to make this realization, or I could simply say that while the old, gray mare ain't what she used to be; she can still learn a few new tricks. I am so looking forward to learning all these new tricks. Besides, I'm not alone in the number of years it took me to arrive in the group. Seems there are many like me. I'm confident that I'll be a better person, Mom, and MeeMa as a result. I might just be a better friend, sister, and daughter, too. I can't wait to go back next week. I have only one regret, but I'll leave that in my privacy file for now. I've taken a wee bit of action on behalf of rectifying it, and we'll see if it is received in the spirit that it is given. For now, though, I know that I'm in the right place(s) for me.

Well, an hour and twenty minutes of writing is over. The predicted rain has started. The windows have been closed to a crack. I've even received a phone call and helped someone in the middle of all of this. Funny, the person I helped wasn't surprised at all that I was wide awake and answered my phone at 6am. Guess she knows me pretty well. I'm getting to know me pretty well, too. I'm starting to think that for some people the whole "getting to know yourself" thing takes place after the kids are raised and there is time to focus on one's own concerns. At least that's how it is for me. Might have been better if I'd learned a few things earlier, but well, we've covered that, haven't we.

Good Day, All. The sun is rising. The sky is a gorgeous shade of slate blue. The rain patters against the windows gently. The soft breeze lulls me into a journey back to bed for a wee bit more.

I Saw My Granddaughters Today

"I saw my granddaughters today," MeeMa said as she sat and relished the warm fuzzies that overtook her entire being.

With that, MeeMa decided she would lay down for a while after she took a shower - AND - bask in the glow of seeing her granddaughters today ... until she had to get ready to go to Domestic Abuse Survivors Group tonight. MeeMa also decided that she would let the warm fuzzies replace all the pain of the last four months, or at least as much as it could. She also reminded herself of many practical matters to continue to consider, but for this moment she was going to do what she could to heal herself.

"I saw my granddaughters today," MeeMa thought to herself over and over again, "Thank you, God - and all the other forces at work. I saw my granddaughters today."

MeeMa smiled, got up from her computer, walked to the bathroom, stepped into the shower, and thought, "Boy, my granddaughters were a great workout. Best workout in the world. They sure made me feel good. It was too good to hug both of them again. ... and the little one actually nestled right up to me. Oh, my oldest one, she is so good. So polite and funny. It was so good to tell her, 'I love you", "I missed you", and "We'll see you again', and to hear the same back from her. It was good to tell her that I wasn't broken like she thought. Hope I get to see them again, soon," she sighed and smiled like she hadn't smiled in months, "I saw my granddaughters today."

MeeMa rinsed off and got out of the shower. She put on clean clothes and went into her bedroom. She grabbed her knitting, put in "How to Train Your Dragon", and sat down to relax and relish how wonderful she felt; and then, she cried and cried happy, relieved tears.

???????

What happened today? I got the office all cleaned up and ready for homework time. I then proceeded to blow it big time. All I had to do was put on the headphones and do the work. Didn't. Instead, I watched two documentaries; "Moog" and "Awful Normal." Very good docs.

"Moog" is about Robert Moog, who invented the Moog machine made famous by Emerson, Lake and Palmer and many, many more. Of course, "Moog" caught my eye because of Digital Sound, so I don't really feel like a completely blew it - well, that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

"Awful Normal" was about a woman, her sister and their mom who confront the man who molested the girls in the '70's. Fascinating and cathartic... For anyone who's been molested, it might be a good movie to watch.

So that's it... besides the fact that I've started a very special knitting project three times and ripped it out three times. Argh.

OK, SA is sitting here waiting to talk to me - AND - we haven't talked in too long. I think I need a good "Animation Domination" session with her - and BB (I suppose) tonight.

Sweet dreams, All. Remember, Tomorrow's a New Day!

Asshole! - BE GONE!

I've spent most of my day thinking about my history of dealing with assholes. As a result, I've done a bit of research and found a truly amazing book by Bob Sutton called, "No Asshole Rule." It was published in 2007. How I wish I had found it then. A Stanford Professor, Bob Sutton also write a blog and articles for various publications and websites. He is a genius. His book addresses Assholes in the Workplace, but I'm sure it can be used in my personal life, too. Looks like I'm headed to the library to check it out. If I don't find it there, I may just have to buy it. I was particularly impressed to read that many companies have "No Asshole" type policies in place. Most notably are Berkshire Hathaway, Pixar, and Mozilla; to name just a few. This give me hope for my future employment.

Here's a link to a post by Professor Sutton about surviving Abusive Bosses and Co-Workers:
http://bobsutton.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/03/tips_for_victim.html

Starting in 2007, I worked at Highland Park IVF Center. On my third day of employment I was publicly berated. The abuse and bigotry continued until I left almost two years later. What I could've done with Professor Sutton's book. Highland Park IVF Center and Dr. Edward Marut's office stand to this day as the worst place that I've ever worked. Leaving was great even if I did get fired.

Recovering from the way I was treated is still on going, but today I made a major leap. I expect that when I start Domestic Abuse Survivors counseling on Monday, that I will really get on the right track. I'm looking forward to it.

I now realize that I've let Assholes of every kind get the better of me for years. From the bullies in elementary school to college boyfriends (my high school beaus were amazingly good) to my ex-husband to too many of my daughter's boyfriends and even to friends of my own; I have suffered Assholes far too often. Today that changed. I made a loud popping sound - FINALLY! I'm kinda slow on some things, but once I get it - VOI-FUCKIN'-LA!

It finally occurred to me that I will not tolerate being treated disrespectfully. I will not be demeaned. I will not cooperate so an Asshole can get their way. Put simply, "Life is too short to work with Assholes, much less have them infiltrate my personal life." Can't tell you the freedom I feel. I'm willing to do without anyone who mistreats me on a regular basis. I'm ready to say, "ENOUGH!" If I am good enough to accept money from, then I am good enough to be spoken well of. How dare anyone malign me without knowing me. Just for the record, interrupting someone is a classic sign of an Asshole. Classic. It's the Red Flag that tells me that I'm done dealing with someone UNLESS an apology is forthcoming very quickly.

The Arrogant, Brutal, Cruel, Dimwitted, Egocentric, Flippant, Grotesque, Hateful, Ignorant, Juvenile, Knuckleheaded, Loquacious, Mean, Narcissistic, Opinionated, Quasi-Intellectual, Ridged, Stupid, Totalitarian, Unimaginative, Venomous, Wanting, Xenophobic, Yellow-Bellied Zealotism upon which Assholes choose to express themselves has no place in my life ANYMORE! Duh. I mean, "Really People. DUH!"

I'm off to finish watching "Perry Mason" and Laugh and Smile with such a happy heart. You have not idea what a great service the Asshole I had to deal with today has provided for me. I'm even willing to give up any family member or friend because of my new found FREEDOM! Here's hoping those I love and care for realize this because I won't miss them if they don't.

Obligatory and Boring

My headache is finally gone. I woke up with burning, searing pain this morning. I finally remembered to take some ibuprofen and fell asleep in my chair watching a movie. Must've slept there for about an hour; comfortable chair. From there I moved to my bed for another hour and a half. Presto! Headache gone.

Since I don't want to bring it back on, I'm off of the computer for the rest of the night. I've spent too much time on this thing. 'Course I will have to check to make sure that I'm up-to-date on my job search criteria first. Think I am.

Tomorrow and Sunday I will be doing Digital Sound homework. Assignment is due on Monday. Still kinda chuckling that I'm a week early with my 14 pages of script for Scriptwriting.

OK, one more boring post taken care of. We'll see what the future holds.

Time Flies - And so do my characters ...

Sorry so late. I've been writing all day thinking I had to have my pages posted by the 21st. Oops. It's the 28th. Still, 14 pages of a script written so far. Just about a hundred more to go.

I'll write more tomorrow. My back hurts. I need to get horizontal.

Another big day tomorrow. Up at 6:30am and out for Al-Anon & Hippotherapy, and God Knows What Else.

... and yes, the characters in my script to fly. That was fun.

Onwards and Upwards! ... Or So I Hope.

I don't imagine I'll feel much like blogging when I get home tonight. I've got a busy day ahead.

Today I return to volunteer at the Hippotherapy facility. Should be fun. There's a field trip coming in. They need nine volunteers, so I'll meet some new people.

I'm taking a change of clothes and going straight to school after that because I have homework to do and class tonight. Might as well go there and get stuff done. It's a more efficient use of time and gas. This will also leave the house to BB; so that, he can get some work done.

I'm not feeling real good today, so being around the horses and people will be helpful. I'm not happy about what I've written. The whole thought of having my writing workshopped is freaking me out. I expect to bomb. Nerves. Hate 'em. I'm doing my best, though, so we'll see. It's just not coming out like I planned. What I'm writing is cathartic and visual, but not how I want things to start out. I think for an effective workshopping session, I should provide the beginning; so that, people know the characters. I also have to change names. I have a lot to do. My imagination is running in all directions. I really need to sit and focus.

OK, that's all I have to offer for today. I have too much to do in too short a time, and it's my own fault. Silly, silly me. Nothing to do but go tackle the day.

"How to Traiin Your Dragon"

I loved this film when I saw it with my son and granddaughter in the theatre. I knew after watching it that I wanted to own it. I've waited for the October 15th DVD Release date for months. Yesterday I purchased the last copy at our local Target. It was on sale. Somehow my world is a bit more complete.

So far, I have watched the movie all the way through once. After that I watched the movie all the way through with the Commentary. Now I'm watching the shorts about the making of the movie. I am a Film Geek and proud of it.

The movie first caught my eye because Hiccup, the main character, looks a bit like my son. Hiccup's personality and place in his world even reminds me a bit of my son.

Night Fury and all the Dragons certainly caught my attention. Who doesn't like Dragons?

Then there were the Vikings. Well, being an overtly proud Norwegian; of course, I needed to see this film.

Astrid is a strong girl, so taking my granddaughter to see this movie became important. It was the second film that we went to together.

Our first film was "The Princess and the Frog." Taking my granddaughter to that film had its own special significance.

I love both movies for their beauty and the important messages that are contained in both of them. The stories really aren't that different if you really analyze them; their both about young people coming into their own and more. "How to Train Your Dragon" delivers its messages in such a fun and seamless manner that it's mind-boggling to imagine how packed it is; how much is contained in less than two hours. If I was a teacher, I would show this movie to my class just to have the discussion about what they got out of it. I suppose it goes without saying that it doesn't hurt that this transformational story is told through the Vikings, either.

Craig Ferguson, Jay Baruchel, America Ferrera, and all the other actors who do the voice-overs are fantastic. The animation and lack of dialogue is something worth noting, too, of course. All the words in the movie are there for a reason, and this is called "good writing."

After watching the movie and listening to the commentary, I have to mention the "niceness" factor. Niceness has become paramount in my life these days. I'm all about being nice. Nice may be my new favorite word replacing love, but we'll see. I aspire to work with nice people and create niceness in the world. It is my prime objective. I have transformed into a nicer person over the years, and I'd like the whole world to become nicer. It is my selfish dream to make this happen somehow. Haven't really got a clue on how to do this, but maybe promoting this film is one way. I mean, couldn't we all use a little tender loving care? Niceness is not to be associated with being a doormat, either. It's just that there are ways that niceness can aid in solving problems. It's a tool that is under-used. I'm working to change that.

Lastly, I have to mention that I fell in love with Night Fury because of the creature that he is modeled after. Actually, many of the Dragons have elements of this creature, and it works so well for me. I won't spoil it, in case you haven't seen the film; but I will say that Night Fury's physicality and emotive qualities have given me new appreciation for these real-life creatures and the people who love them. In fact, this too reminds me of my son and a certain dear, departed, old friend. Then again, I am also reminded of another dear, departed old friend and two very much alive friends.

Well, that's it for today's post. I have officially watched all the movie and all the Special Features once through. I'm off to watch the movie again. Oh, and when I say "watch", well, I know how to multitask; so I've been doing other things, too, like have a phone interview for a part-time job as an Administrative Coordinator for a Physical Therapy Rehabilitation clinic.

Rent this movie, or better yet, buy it. It really is worth seeing and enjoying many times over.

Political Rant - "This Race Has Gone to the Dogs"

If you'll forgive me, I'm going to take a powder tonight. There are things to do, and I'm tired.

I'll leave you with this one thought - I just heard a report on the 9pm news about our gubenatorial race. Apparently, a commercial for the Democratic candidate that brought to light an euthenasia bill that the Republican candidate introduced allowing vets to kill more than one dog at a time in a gas chamber has gone viral.

It's official, folks - This race has gone to the dogs.

OH! ... and the other day all of our mail was campaign literature. Glossy, two-sided, color sheets filled our box in duplicate and sometimes triplicate. While I know the mailman should just deliver one to each house...

COME ON, CANDIDATES - SAVE A TREE! Do you really think that anyone reads that crap?! Do you really think it makes any difference to anyone? Quite frankly, there's not really anything that any politician can say these days to make anyone interested in whatever it is that they have to say ... EXCEPT MAYBE ... The Issues?! What a frickin' concept!

I'm so sick and tired of all the attack ads. I'm so sick and tired of politicians, period - from every single party everywhere. I'm disgusted that people who are "applying for a job" that entails LEADING our country don't have the slightest clue as to how to discuss anything. There is no genuine sincerity anymore. It's all spin. Do this. Wear that. ... and what Jack-Ass came up with the hand gestures? L A M E!

Here's another concept - If you're trying to be one of our leaders, why not lead the way with your ethics, behavior, intelligence, and campaign ads - to start with - then roll up your sleeves and work with as many people as possible to SOLVE OUR COUNTRY'S CHALLENGES!

I remember a song from long ago, "Cooperation Makes It Happen." It is a children's song.

I would like our country's leaders to stop acting like children. I would like our whole country to stop acting like children. There are rules of engagement, People. There are methods of Problem Solving. There is work to be done.

EVERYONE! Yes - The Whole Frickin' Country - Stop Your Bitching and Learn to Work Together! POLITICIANS! You Too! You make more money than many of us will see in a lifetime. You proclaim yourselves LEADERS. L E A D! Do You Know How to Lead, or Do You Only Know How to Spin a Message to Get Your Job?

Dear Politicians,
Please lead by example and really start working to solve some of our problems because the American public doesn't really like any of you, in case your handlers hadn't told you. We tend to vote for the lesser evil. Yep. You all suck big, hairy balls. Yea, All of You....

OK, NOW It's Time for Me to Go to Bed ----- but one more thing ------ For my sweeping, untrue statements as far as every single politician sucking --- it's over the top and for dramatic effect ----- JUST LIKE THOSE GOD DAMNED ATTACK ADS! I'm sorry. I like to think of myself as a middle-of-the-road, journalistic, pragmatic, observer in political matters; but even the mose level-headed has their limits, I guess.

... and to all the children of all the Politicians ----> I'm particularly sorry. It used to hurt when people wrote nasty things about my dad when I was a kid, so I know just a tiny bit of what you might be thinking. I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just tired of the silly games that the adults are playing.... in almost every area of my life. You know how it is. Sometimes a good rant is just the thing to set things straight, or at least it feels good to get things out in the open.

OK Kids, Play Nicely.