Change Perspective

I have been away from my blog for two days on purpose. It was a conscious decision though possibly not a good decision. That's how it goes sometimes. I've been floundering, in case you haven't noticed. You've noticed, I'm sure; so let's try to resolve this issue.

My blog changed tone a while back because I made another conscious decision not to write about certain people and certain events in my life. I restricted my freedom of expression in the interest of protecting my privacy and the privacy of so many that I love. Things happened in my life that I don't feel are appropriate to share for a wide variety of reasons. I've been struggling with the new format. Quite honestly, I'm struggling with it even as I type this.

To date, I've got my Extra stories to finish, and people may or may not still be interested. The movie has wrapped, and I was kinda waiting until it did to share some of my experiences and thoughts about some of the "major players" until it had wrapped. I guess I could look at this as accomplishing a goal. Why not.

I started a completely improvisational short story about a Princess and her most trusted friend, Gadyen. I cannot remember the entire process of settling on the name, Gadyen; but I do remember looking at other languages for a word that meant what I wanted the character to be about. I settled on Gadyen after about a half hour of research. The following is a description of the Shan word, "Lawg Gad Yen", that I just found. The Shan live in the Shan State of Burma (Myanmar). I am happy with my choice of name. As a side note, it is quite understandable that the Shan would have such a word in their vocabulary:

Shan: Lawng Gad Yen
Posted on January 5th, 2010 by Nicholas Farrelly

v.ifjuwf;,Aef

Relates to peace

The Shan word for peace is gad (uwf;), meaning ‘to be cold, cool’ combined with yen (,Aef), ‘to be quiet, still, calm’, to become ‘peaceful, happy, free from outward troubles.’ Yen also has the added meaning of ‘being quiet after a conflict.’ The substantive prefix lawng (v.ifj) simply turns the word into a noun.

Another word is also commonly used by villagers, gad yen kyan sa (uwf;,Aefcsmrf;oMb), which combines the Shan word for peaceful with the Burmese word kyan tha (csrf;om) which in itself means ‘to have peace and quiet.’

These words mean more than a mere lack of fighting. Both words carry the meaning of wanting to live without being disturbed by other people or peoples. The term is not expressly linked to the withdrawal of Burmese forces, but rather the absence of conflict or war. However, it is be associated with a lack of oppression and human rights abuses, and conflict which for many Shan are tied up with the civil war. As such in popular consciousness there is a perception that if the Burmese Army left – especially if there was independence – there would be peace in Shan State.

The SSA (North), a ceasefire group, has coined the word lawng ngam yen (v.ifjirf;,Aef) to talk about peace. The word ngam (irf;), ‘to offer shade’, takes the place of gad and the whole term literally means ‘the offer of cool shade.’ This reflects the regional differences in the Shan dialects.

There is also this meaning from the Haitian Creole – English Dictionary with Basic English – Haitian Creole Appendix by Jean Targète and Raphael G. Urciolo that I know played a role in my decision:

gade, gad 1 vt 1. To look (at), to behold, to
glance (at). 2. To watch, to watch over, to attend
to. 3. To keep; to store up. 4. To raise (animals).

gadyen an n Watchman, guardian*, caretaker,
guard*, keeper, shepherd.

gadyendbi a Goalie, goalkeeper. Haitians also
use the word ‘goal keeper'

So there's just a little bit of the thinking that I do sometimes while writing about things.

Here's an antidote: I once had the pleasure of emailing a famous author regarding how and why he picked a certain name for one of the characters in one of his books. He simply responded that he couldn't really remember, but that he did know more than one person by that name and maybe our previous conversation had made an impact on his writing. I liked his answer because of his simple honesty. It was comforting. I could hear his voice in his written words. It made me feel good. He was very kind to me once upon a time, and I'm glad I met him. I continually hope that he and his family are doing well because of our few brief encounters.

That's the thing, you know. There are long-standing relationships and brief encounters that shape us all every day. I suppose the long-standing relationships are more important, but the brief encounters remain in my heart, too. The tidbits of my life bolster me throughout my life, and I just can't let go of all these moments that have led me to where I am now. Because I met this author, I strive to be as good to others as he was to me. I understand a public versus private persona, but I'll take what I can get when I can get it and expect no more. It's up to me to make of it what I will. I choose to let the simplest, good acts lift me up. I don't really think it's a Blanche Dubois moment. I just enjoy incorporating these times into my bag of tricks. I think of the Dalai Lama and so many in war-torn countries; people who lack fresh water, food, homes and medicine. It puts my mind right to think of the bigger picture, and how one act of practical kindness can change a person. I know that I've been changed for the better because of each and every kind exchange that I've ever had. I like sincere compassion, so I'm doing my best to spread it around.

So - From now on, I'll do my best to focus on finishing up my unfinished stories, keep you posted on how I'm doing on my goals (which is not so bad these days - I'm drinking water right now :D), and simply being honest. My intent is compassion, entertainment, and interesting stories that will lead us all to a better place. The villains will be bad. The heroes and heroines will be good. I'll do my best to present a multi-dimensional perspective to my writing, and we'll see how it goes.

Take care, All. Remember, there are so many who are far worse off than you are, but that does not mean that what you're going through isn't valid and important. It just means that it might help to put things in perspective and give you some strength during your more difficult days.

Here's a saying I made up:

"No Blood, No Guts,
No Bombs, No Bullets ...
It's a Good Day."

Tapes OK, so far

Listening to Nicholas Evans talk about his childhood, the American West, and writing "The Horse Whisperer" and "The Loop."

I'm in Heaven.

Karl Malden was superb.

Both men are compassionate, intelligent, giving, kind, knowledgeable, humble, insightful and funny. Their voices are soothing. Their perspectives and communication styles are similar and inspiring. They appreciate humanity.

I learned quite a bit because I was lucky enough to spend some time with these two men when I did. Witnessing their sincerity expressed through their humane, artistic integrity still blows me away. I am so fortunate to have these tapes and to have been in the same rooms, hallways and entrances with these men.

Both men were kind and generous with me - equally so.

Karl Malden put me back together as he was leaving. He did it knowingly, and I let him heal me on the spot. It was an intense moment of maybe four minutes. He rescued me in four minutes with his eyes and ears. He listened and smiled. I'll never forget that moment and will continually strive to be aware enough to pay the favor forward should the opportunity ever arise. I've had the opportunity arise, and have met the challenge many times with Karl's smiling over me while I did it. Course he was joined by many others that have done the same for me.

I so need kindness in my life. I'm a Kindness Addict. This will probably come up again; the ups and downs of being a Kindness Addict.

Nicholas Evans listened to me ask a question as I sat at his feet on the stage. I explained that I'd discussed "The Horse Whisperer" with one of my best friends; and that, we disagreed on the ending. My friend didn't buy the ending. Mr. Evans' answer based in Celtic Mythology backed my view and gave me an "in" with my friend because she was a fiery red-head with a Celtic background.

I also asked him about the pacing of his novel. I noticed that there was a particular rhythm that was very compelling. He would write a few longer chapters; and then, throw in a short chapter that seemed to tie up a few loose ends but not all of them. These short chapters made me, the reader, relax a bit having had a few questions answered. They also made me wonder what was going to happen next. I thought it was a brilliant technique. I wondered if he was aware of it. He was. Well goodness. How I wished that he'd be my mentor just like he had a mentor.

Thing was that I hadn't written anything of note, yet. In fact, it's only recently that I've started writing anything that seems almost good enough to have someone really take a serious look at. Most of the posts in this blog would need to be editted for print in some way or another. Not such a bad idea, really. I do like the story about Starr, the Welsh Pony.

Anyway .....

As I remember, someone went to buy a bunch of Karl Malden's books for autographs. I want to say that Frank, our boss at the time, paid for the books for the staff; so that, we could have them autographed. Frank was one of the people standing around in our group admiring The Fedora, too. Frank really believed in reading and often gave books as Christmas presents. I've gotten three books from Frank that I still have; "The Making of the Corps", a Vince Lombardi autobiography, and "When Do I Start."

In the case of Nicholas Evans, I had a paperback copy of "The Horse Whisperer" purchased at a garage sale for fifty cents. I did not have a copy of "The Loop." I had analyzed the book for Teresa, the hostess of the show, and returned the book to her. I read it twice and provided a list of about twenty interview questions based on my analysis. Nicholas Evans signed my paperback at the truck of the car that he was being driven around in. He opened the trunk, pulled out a new copy of "The Loop", signed it and gave it to me. I was flabbergasted; speechless.

"My pleasure for a fan," he said as he handled it to me.

I almost cried on the spot. I kept it together long enough to wish him well. Again, I'll never forget the day he came to the studio. There's that act of kindness.

"I've always relied on the kindness of strangers." - Blanche Dubois

You know when she says that, right? She's being taken away by the doctor to an asylum.

Karl Malden won his Oscar for his portrayal of Harold "Mitch" Mitchell. He played opposite Jessica Tandy on stage and Vivien Leigh on screen. He appeared with Marlon Brando in both venues. I sincerely believe that because he acted that part for two years on Broadway when he was a hungry, struggling actor and went on to play it in the original movie that he learned quite a bit about fragile women who need kindness, for example.

Then again, I think that because Nicholas Evans researched the American West from a fresh and innocent perspective that he had also discovered more about the human experience. He was gracious, egalitarian, patient, and respectful. He made me feel comfortable and almost dignified. Dang. He conveyed a measure of respect for my humanity that allowed me to gently let him know that I had read his book twice. When I asked him to autograph my paperback, I explained that I hadn't purchased his book, yet. He knew that I had two children, their names, and that I really enjoyed both books. He just gave me a book. Again, I know that I told you this already, but there really was more to relate. The energy and spirit in which a gift is given is just as important, if not more important, as the gift itself. Nicolas Evans didn't make me feel less-than or poor when he gave me his book. That's just part of why I still have it.

The day that Nicholas Evans showed up, I wore my green cowboy boots with my jeans. It was a special occasion. I was at the door when he arrived. I walked him out as he left. It was sort of the same with Karl Malden; I greeted him as he arrived and was the last of the studio staff to say good-bye.

The day Karl Malden showed up, a group of us gathered at the coat rack and admired his fedora while he was in the studio getting ready for the interview. The Fedora. Nobody touched The Fedora. We were in awe, though. The Fedora had entered our lives, and we stood at a respectful distance gazing in reverence and delight. We all agreed that we'd like to try it on, but we also agreed that to do so would be a breach of etiquette. We erred on the side of proper manners and appropriate behavior.

Karl Malden's autobiography written with his daughter, Karla, "When Do I Start" was a very enjoyable read. "The Horse Whisperer" and "The Loop" are also wonderful books. Having just seen these interviews again after many years, I'm considering opening one of them again. I also have Nicholas Evans' "The Divide" to read. "The Smoke Jumper", his third book was great, too. I couldn't put that one down for very personal reasons. I really should read "The Divide." It might be just the thing. Hmmmmm.

As far as other tapes, I've checked the Obama tape and some personal tapes. I haven't checked out any of my Sharper Focus Tapes, yet. Guess I could to that next. I'm taking it slowly, though. While wonderful to see that the tapes seem to be in incredibly good condition considering it's been six and one half years; and that, they were stored in my dank basement during that time.

So part of going forward at fifty years of age for me is having the courage to face my old fears and continue to do the practical work of moving on to my next .... adventure? I'm all about the practical these days.

"Keep it kind. Keep it simple."

FYI: I've come back twice to edit this post after posting it. I had a bit more to add to the stories and had to give Mr. Evans his "h" in Nicholas. :D