Thursday, September 30, 2010

Busy, boring day - sorta

Well, I've been busy since about 6am. Not bad. Got to bed around midnight.

Really nothing wonderful to report other than I've been cleaning up a storm, and the place is looking better. Laundry and dishes going well, so far. We'll see what else gets done.

Truly nothing else to talk about. I'm going to get back to work. See you later.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Something New

I've received two emails today thanking me for applying for two positions and informing me that the positions have been filled. I was also encouraged to continue to check their websites for future employment opportunities. This is new. Usually I don't hear anything. It made me feel a bit better, I guess. I did check out one website and applied for two more positions. I'll check the other website later.

Did I receive these emails because I impressed them, or are they just nice that way? Does it matter? sigh.

Looking for work is trying, but I'm slogging on. Better get to class or start cleaning some more. I'm still exhausted, but am slogging through that, too.

On Balance During Difficult Times

When you are kind to someone in trouble,
you hope they'll remember and be kind to someone else,
and it'll become like a wildfire.
- Whoopi Goldberg

I woke up struggling today. Exhaustion, frustration and fear overcame me. The pain of the last few months pressed down on me. My only recourse was to go back to sleep. I realized the cause of my emotional and physical turmoil, so I did what I needed to alleviate it.

I woke up on the hour for the next five hours. Each time I awoke, I noticed that the pain was diminishing. At 10:30am, I got out of bed and started my day.

I found the following link on "Putting Others First." It helped me put things in perspective. That warm glow I've come to know and love started to grow. The fear started to go away.

http://www.stgeorgegreenville.org/TenPointProgram/Putting%20Others%20First.html - you'll have to copy & paste to see it.

While this site is about leading an Orthodox Life (whatever that means) and heavily Christian-based; it did help set my mind and heart straight.

After reading the above bit, I chose the following link - Quotes on Volunteerism:

http://www.journeyofhearts.org/kirstimd/volquotes.htm - again, copy & paste the address

There are some tremendous quotes from tremendous people about the true nature of love and giving. They helped me move forward even more.

So, I'll leave you all with these things today as I go on with my day focused on putting others needs ahead of my own in a healthy, helpful way. I'll be continually reminding myself about balancing my needs with the needs of others; so that, I can do what needs to be done in the best possible way. I'm finding the nuances of life are even more challenging now than they were just a few short months ago and that rising to meet these challenges is making me a better person who finds delight in flexing new and long-forgotten muscles.

Take care. Much Love. Peace. I'm off for a bike ride, some homework, drinking water, and improving my diet - BECAUSE - I deserve my own kindness as much as others do.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Inspiration

So far, this is what I know today.

Psalm 23:1-4

The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not want
He maketh me lie down in green pastures
He leadeth me beside still waters
He restoreth my soul
He guideth me in paths of righteousness for his namesake
Lo, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I shall fear no evil
For you are with me
Your rod and staff
They protect me
You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies
You anoint my head with oil
My cup runneth over
Certainly goodness and love will follow me all of my days
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord, forever.

Memorized that today while on my way DOWNTOWN! Downtown! I got to go Downtown! I love going Downtown! It's still amazingly inspiring and beautiful. I have to go inside the First United Methodist Church on Washington. The place has captured me. I am completely intrigued and need to satisfy my curiosity. Beautiful steeple on top of a multi-story building with a Harris Bank on street level. I am just too intrigued.

It is a perfect day weather-wise.

My car is in the shop getting necessary repairs and postponing unnecessary ones.

My children are beautiful inside and out. They are OK and will be OK long after I am gone. I had a couple of amazing "Mother Moments" today. There is nothing that makes me happier than those special moments when I observe something wonderful between my children. I got a bunch of those experiences today. ... and yes, I teared up; but my children didn't know because I was wearing sunglasses and walking behind them. I am immensely proud of both of them.

I am tired because I only got about three hours of sleep last night. I am going to take a wonderful nap during this perfect day. While pulling out the hammock is tempting, I'm just too tired. I can always dream that I'm sleeping in the hammock.

After my nap, when my car is ready, I'm going to ride a bike over to the shop to pick it up. It's a perfect day for a bike ride. Oh pure joy and contentment.

"Big Fish" is playing in the background. I love this movie, and so does my dad. It's well worth a viewing.

That's all I know, People. Take care.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Good Morning

Well, I'm happy to report that I successfully completed my first assignment for Digital Sound. If I knew how to upload the pieces, I would; but I don't, so I won't.

The Noise piece was meant to be annoying because it was based on my experience in an empty stairwell on the second floor at school. All I could hear was the ventilation system, something that sounded like a jack-hammer, and my ears ringing. My time in the stairwell was painful. Still is was an outstanding bit of sound, so I tried to recreate the loud, annoying experience for everyone. I did this one first and am glad that I did.

The Music piece was light and happy because it was based on sitting alone in large lecture hall listening to the sounds in the hallway. It was nice to sit in a darkened room all alone and just breathe. At the end of my five minutes, I heard someone walk by with keys on their backpack that provided the the rhythm of my piece. I really liked making this piece.

My Music/Noise piece was based on my time sitting by the Military Memorial at school. The location is pretty and peaceful with three flags flapping in the wind. The piece I put together didn't reflect the peace at the Memorial; but rather, it reflected a tiny bit of what a soldier might go through while deployed. Dissonant music underneath explosions, machine guns, gasping for air, babies crying, screams and finally the silence of the flag flapping in the wind. I'm really quite pleased with it. I kept thinking about who we are memorializing with a Military Memorial and what they might have gone through before they died. I guess this might be my message piece.

I've known a few veterans in my day, and none of them ever wanted to talk about the wars that they were in. One was a Pearl Harbor hero and my elementary school, best friend's father. Another was a Vietnam vet who lived across the street from us up on 13th Avenue who attempted to kill himself and had PTSD. I dated another Vietnam vet who had been a helicopter pilot; he was 30, and I was 20. The last most notable vet runs a plumbing business in the town I used to work in, and his daughter is a vet, too. I've known more veterans, but these four stick out in my mind simply because they touched my heart in some special way even though each experience is as unique as they were and are.

Well, that's it for this morning. I started to write this last night at about 12:20am, but my computer decided to go all wonky. Glad the blog site saved what I'd written.

I'm off for another marvelously productive day. My jeans are clean and laying right behind me. Hmmmmmm....... :D

Sunday, September 26, 2010

BUSTED!

If this blog is about Accountability, then I have to take a moment to bust myself on a few issues. We'll start with today:

1. It is hours since my first post, and I have yet to go do my laundry allowing me to walk to the beach. Harumph!

2. I have yet to start my third project for class tomorrow. Harumph!

3. I have yet to eat or drink water. Harumph!

On the other hand, I have written another post. The second post was fun and easy. I've already gotten positive feedback.

Actually, the two posts I did today even sort of qualify for a bit of my writing assignment for Scriptwriting, sort of. Doing some character study writing is a part of my writing assignments, and I certainly did detail some of the more notable characteristics of two fantastic women.

Thing is that I have to do my Digital Sound work, and I am procrastinating. It's silly, really. Once I get going I love this stuff. I will finish this and get set up to succeed at Digital Sound.... after I throw that load in the wash and eat something.... REALLY!

One of the biggest time sucks today has been the discovery of the "Stats" section on my blog. It is fascinating to see the numbers, graphs, demographics, and what-all; but it is also confusing. As a result, I believe there are bots that hit on my blog; but I'm not worried since no spam has shown up. If the stats are correct, I have more readers in Norway than in the States. Here's a big, "Hei Norge!" to my Norwegian brothers and sisters!.... Cousins? Hope I'm not boring you completely. I've also had some hits from the UK, which would follow since I have emailed links to some people I've met in the UK. The hits from China, Russia, Latvia, Germany, Sweden, Thailand, and Brazil might just be bots; or people traveling or who knows. In any case, like I said, "It was a huge time suck." ... and reinforced my resolve to keep things interesting and rather generic for now.

I also had to take some time to deal work on scheduling for today and the rest of my week. I've also made all the necessary phone calls to schedule the rest of my day and waiting for more information for the rest of my week. The good news it that I have eight uninterrupted hours available today for all the homework and housework that I care to do with the possibility of that walk to the beach still hanging on. It's a perfect day for a walk to the beach, or at least a walk somewhere. It's also a perfect day for homework and housework.

So there. I've busted myself and take responsibility for my silliness.

BB just called, and we had a chance to talk about both creative and work related stuff. That was nice. :D

Before I go, I've counted up the number of posts that I am "behind" on. After this post, I will be "behind" by five posts. This might mean that in the coming week, I do two posts a day. If this is the case, I'll do my best to keep them short and interesting.

OK, I'm jazzed to get started on the other parts of my day. I'm especially jazzed about getting my third Digital Sound project done. It's based on the time I spent listening by the Military Memorial at school. I'm looking forward to finding the sounds and music for this one.

"This time for sure!" Bullwinkle shouted and dashed off after Rocky on yet another attempt at success.

SURPRISE! - SA's B-Day Present

One of my favorite things to do is buy or make a present for someone while showing it to them and telling them it's for someone else. My aunt did this to me once when she was buying some horse figurines, and it was so great when I opened the present to see the horses that I had picked out for someone else were for me.

My latest knitting project was basically finished on September 21st, and I'm happy to report that it has been gifted to SA. I told her it was for a friend of mine who's birthday is coming up. I asked her opinion about it multiple times and tested it out on BB in front of her to see if it was long enough. It is a scarf/shawl made of light-minty-green, almost turquoise, fuzzy, soft yarn. I reinforced my lie by telling SA that I couldn't make something for her because I didn't want to step on her grandma's toes because SA's grandma knits her the most amazing scarves. Being the diplomat that she is, SA said, "That's OK. I have a whole trunk full of scarves."

Now the first time I told SA that I wouldn't make her anything because that's what her grandma did for her, she responded with a disappointed, "Ahhhhhhh...., but....."

SA then proceeded to get me a book on knitting for my birthday. I am a beginning knitter, and the book she got me is a great instructional flip book with all kinds of stitches and patterns and stuff. I can see it from where I'm sitting.

It dawned on me that it would be a big surprise if I did knit her something, so I set about designing something special for her. A lot of thought went into the design. It is a custom, one-of-a-kind scarf/shawl, or sharf, as I like to call these things that I make sometimes; long enough and wide enough to cover the shoulders and arms if needed, yet made from a yarn that allows for just wrapping it around a person's neck, if desired.

SA is a very strong, hard-working young woman. She takes her familial, school, and work responsibilities seriously. She is tough. She's also a great athlete and takes pride in being better than the boys in her current soccer league. I worry that she doesn't eat and sleep enough to keep up with all the demands that she has on her time, so I nag her about it. I think she's getting better at taking care of herself. She is also funny, kind, and loyal. SA has a heart of gold with an equally stellar mind. She is not perfect, but she is open with me about those things that trouble her. For all of her tough exterior qualities, I've seen a gentleness inside her that brings me to tears. In some ways, she reminds me of me when I was younger. I was never as good an athlete as she is, but I did dance and took great pride in doing my best. She is competitive and struggles with all the nuances involved with being competitive.

AS I was saying, though, for all of her tough exterior qualities, I wanted to honor her inner softer, feminine qualities. This was the inspiration for my design choices. I picked the softest green yarn that I owned and set to work. I wanted it to be a bit looser, so I chose a size 11 knitting needle to work with the yarn that is basically a thread with fuzzy fibers coming off of it.

The entire width of the sharf is 42 chains. I knitted two and purled two and repeated to come up with a pattern equaling 21 changes for 9 rows. Following that, I knitted for 22 rows planning on making a total of 88 rows of knitting separated with the 9 rows of alternating knitting and purling. I soon realized that I would have to make the sharf longer, so I added another 88 rows of knitting and one more set of 9 rows of the alternating pattern. So all in all the pattern is 9 rows of knit two, purl two making a pattern equalling 21 going across; 22 rows of knitting, another 9 rows of the knit two, purl two; 44 rows of knitting; 9 rows of knit two, purl two; 44 rows of knitting; 9 rows of knit two, purl two; 44 rows of knitting; 9 rows of knit two, purl two; 22 rows of knitting; and finally, 9 rows of knit two, purl two.

I had to redo the end where I bound it off because my stitches got too tight and it didn't match the ruffly other side. I'm glad I did that. It was a pain, but well worth the improved final version. That's right. I even made the sharf a bit ruffly.

BB delivered it to her on the day after her birthday, and she's called to thank me and tell me that I am really sneaky. Tee Hee. The weather has cooled off considerably, and I wonder if she's chosen to wear it anywhere, yet. I hope she likes it as much as she says that she does. I remember the first time I showed it to her telling her that I wasn't sure which project I was going to give to my friend. SA held the her sharf and said, "OOoooooo. sssooofffttt." :D

Here's to all my tough women friends. Please remember to honor your softer side, too.

Being Nice

I was talking with a friend yesterday about my choice to be a nice person. Their responses made me think about my choice for the rest of the day.

First they said, "Nice people get walked on", to which I responded, "I do what I want to do, and I don't do what I don't want to do." As I said the words, I knew that they weren't true. I knew that I've been walked on multiple times while doing things that I didn't want to do. I also knew that I've done things to help people because I wanted to help them even though I might not particularly like what I was doing or the time and effort it took to help. Still, by helping I was living up to my spiritual beliefs, so my reward was in the doing and not in the getting.

Secondly, they said, "Nice people finish last; they don't get anything." I responded that I didn't want anything. Well now, that's a bald-faced lie. There's plenty that I want. There's a whole slew of things that I want. It also brought up the whole "Doing -vs- Getting" issue.

I did tell my friend, "Being nice is a part of my spiritual belief structure. It makes me happy. I plan on living the rest of my days being nice because I intend to continue to walk my spiritual path."

My friend just said, "Oh."

It was the way that my friend said, "Oh", that is important, though. There was an acceptance of my choice. There was a calmness, and if I might be so bold, a loving air to that simple response.

So let's chalk one up for being nice, and let's define it a bit more thoroughly.

1. Being nice does not mean a person is unable to stand up for themselves. It means that they can do it in a nice way; firmly. "No," can be said in a very nice way and still means, "No." This will work most of the time with people who love and respect a person. Other measures may have to be taken with people who do not love or respect a person, or in the worst case, mean to do a person harm.

2. Being nice is not about throwing pearls before swine. The more difficult issue is determining if a person is dealing with a swine. There are plenty of charming and manipulative con artists in the world who make a lovely living off their victims.

3. Being nice is about being respectful and loving and using one's intellect and instinct. It is difficult, but through a lifetime of focus, a balanced approach can be achieved.

4. Being nice is about being nice to yourself, first.

I think #4 is the key. If I am nice to myself, first; then, I can make choices based on what I can and cannot do for someone else. I do not want to be a martyr. I do want to do good deeds, though.

So all day long, I was again thinking about my grandma while I did a bit of grocery shopping, clothes shopping, cooking, cleaning, and crocheting. My grandma was nice. She was also firm. She was a Second Grade teacher. She was a Christian. She did not gossip. She read her Bible at least twice a day. She changed with the times and according to the changes in her family. She was intelligent. She was a fierce Field Hockey player as a girl. She was the first in her family to go to college. She put her little sister through college because her father told her that she had to do it. She married twice and outlived both husbands. She understood her first husband, loved him, and had compassion for him that was ahead of her time. My grandma was ahead of her time in many areas. I never heard her raise her voice, nor has any member of the family that I've talked to ever heard her raise her voice. She liked some people and didn't like others. She did get mad. She turned the other cheek. She lived a peaceful, simple life. She did things that people didn't approve of and listened when they told her that they didn't approve of her actions. I've heard that her biggest flaw was that she didn't like confrontation and backed down too often. She worked from sun up to sun down when she had to and had wonderful vacations when she could. She could out go the Energizer Bunny and ran circles around me when I was five years old up until I was around forty years old. She was frustrated when her age prevented her from doing everything that she used to do. She loved me deeply and took the time to show it.

When I think about my grandma, I want to embody all her good qualities. I've always thought of her as a saint, but more importantly, I've seen her as a dignified, gentle woman who did stand up for what she believed in.

I watched her listen to a woman talk about how her husband had beat her. I remember my grandma's gentle words, "You have to leave. You have to leave and take your children." Grandma then let the woman use the phone to call her mother, and arrangements were made for the woman and her children to go there directly from my grandma and grandpa's house. I also remember that the woman's drunk husband came to the house, and my grandma lied and told him that she hadn't seen his wife and children.

About that time, my grandpa came home. Grandpa saw what was going on at his backdoor and offered to drive the man to his house after dinner. My grandma and grandpa had the man to dinner that night. They listened to him, did their Bible study without forcing anyone to join in with them, and lo and behold, the man opened up about how he'd been treating his wife. They listened some more, and suggested that the man might talk to his pastor about his mistakes. They suggested that he stop drinking because it didn't seem to be helping anything. They offered their support to his entire family. They told him that they wouldn't tell anyone what he had told them, but that he needed to get help because he was facing the loss of everything good in his life.

In about a week, the woman, her husband, and their children came to dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's house. While the adults played cards, the kids played. We all laughed and had a good time.

The next summer when I went for a visit, I played with the kids again and saw their parents. Everyone was doing fine.

I want to be the kind of nice that is wise, brave, caring and strong. I've seen what a person gets for being that way; priceless positive change. This is what I want out of life. I want the brains and heart that my "simple", country grandparents had.

I have failed so many times to be this kind of nice. The cost of my failure is immeasurably painful, and the only thing that gives me any hope is that I might be able to make amends and help turn situations around for the better. I realize that not all situations can be mended, nor is it my responsibility to mend them. I can, however, be a steadfast pillar of calm, loving, intelligent support. I can speak up for what I believe even when I'm told that people don't care. I can try. I know who I am now, and who I want to be in the future. It's all a part of my life's journey. I see it now. The only way to survive the heartache of my mistakes is to change my action plan; see the big picture and be the agent for change. It is time to put fear in its place and act upon all the good that is inside me.

It starts by being nice to myself, so I think that I will head off to do some laundry because my jeans are in the wash; and I'd like to go for a walk to the beach just one, measly mile down the road. I must remember what I thought when I left Topanga, "Here the ocean was just one mile down the road, and you locked yourself up in an 8 x 36 trailer all of those days. You silly, silly woman."

It is time to eat some breakfast, drink some water, and take care of me. I have homework to complete. I have housework to complete. I have so many things to complete today. It will be nice to take care of myself and my needs again today.

Friday, September 24, 2010

End of My Day

Well, I'm tired and feeling a bit sentimental. Spent a few hours with good friends tonight and left feeling so loved and supported. It touched my heart. My friend's parting words were, "I bet you get a lot of your prayers answered..." Well that really made me think.

Whatever the technical differences between meditation and prayer, I don't care. I do both. I also don't care about the differences or similarities between various religious beliefs.

I kinda do a bit of everything, but mostly my own thing that I've basically done since I was a child. I feel no need to belong to any belief structure; be it Christian or Pagan or anything somewhere in-between or outside. I've never wanted to live in a box, nor have I ever wanted anyone to know what I believe or believe like me. My faith and spirituality is extremely personal and private. Trying to describe it verbally is fruitless. It is too precious to be exposed to analyzation or critique. It is how I live, and the only way I want to live. It makes my life bearable and magical ... and yes, I do get a lot of prayers answered and receive answers through meditation. I consider myself lucky in this regard.

That simple comment sent me on a journey to my script for Scriptwriting class which, of course, made me very sentimental. It is going to be hard to re-write some of the scenes in my script. Shoot, it's going to be difficult to even write the first draft of some of the scenes. I think I should start with some of the happier scenes first to bolster myself for the hard work of writing the sad scenes. This story is the basis of who I am. It will not be the entire "true" story. It will be dramatized in some areas because it is being written in a screenplay format which is different than a book, play, documentary, television series, or poem format. I am again reworking the only real story that I've wanted to write since it all happened. A lifetime has been spent thinking about this story, living this story, and telling this story. Yes, I am obsessed; but it is a beautiful obsession with many happy and poignant bits and pieces.

You see, all the sentimentality is based on the totality of the experience; the happy and the sad. It is a story of a prayer answered.

The other part is that I spend a good deal of time meditating on various issues while keeping myself calm and open to any answers that may present themselves. My latest meditation had to do with how my grandmothers survived their troubles with as much grace and love as they did. I was blessed to have most wonderful grandmothers who were very different, and yet, very similar - to me, at least. Meditating on my grandmothers led me to meditating about life in general for so many in the world. I found myself just wishing everyone love, strength, enlightenment, and joy. I just focused on that.

... and wouldn't you know, that very night I met someone who had the answers to my meditations. It's an AHA moment that is not lost on me. It has given me my next step in my spiritual evolution. That's me. Always trying to be a better person. I know where I am lacking and am now ready to take the next step. Irregardless of the events of my life and the loved ones who come and go, I stand firmly on my spiritual path filled with faith that I will continue to be a better person and make myself happier with each passing day, in spite of whatever pain I may or may not be experiencing ... and I will never be alone, nor do I have to travel on my journey alone.

I am truly lucky, and I only wish that everyone can find the same strength and peace that I have found during my more reflective moments. I still struggle and fail, but I was recently told to write down something I said in class, "I like failure. My life is built on failure." I am not a book that can be judged by the cover. My pages are filled with complexity, contradiction, failure, success, and so much more. To judge me based on the superficial circumstances of my life is to negate the totality of my being. This is true for every living soul.

Peace.

1/2 way through the day....

Well, half-way through my day, and all is well. Got out early this morning to run a few errands.

Discovered a gas station that is selling gas twenty cents cheaper than just eight miles away. This always makes me curious. Is the gas of poorer quality? Is it marketing strategy based on what the market will bear in certain demographics? It just blows my mind. I'll be filling up at the cheaper place very soon, irregardless.

Checked my bank balance and was so relieved to see that my Unemployment check came through. I was not looking forward to a weekend of counting pennies. I am now looking forward to buying those few necessities that are needed in the house and something very good and easy for dinner tonight and this weekend. Mashed potatoes and ????? Haven't figured it out, yet.

The rest of my day will be spent doing homework, housework, looking for a job, and starting a crocheting project tonight while I visit with a friend. I'm looking forward to all of this, too.

All in all, it's another good day. It really is about attitude. I credit my sister with instilling this attitude in me. Like she says, "My eyes are open. I'm breathing. It's a good day."

Have a good one, two, three, four, .... , Everyone!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Nice Productive Day

Just a quick note to NOTE that I applied for two jobs today and had a job interview over the phone. I did a bit of cleaning and got caught up on my rest. I'm feeling pretty good and am headed off to watch my man, Perry Mason.

Sweet Dreams, All!

Found a Stress Reliever!

Well, I had every intention of writing my blog last night, but I fell asleep before "Perry Mason" was over. I've got all these goofy channels because I don't have cable, and I've taken a liking to "Perry Mason" every night at 10:30. Raymond Burr was HOT. The shows aren't bad either. I'm enjoying this phase immensely.

In any case, most of my day was very stressful because the computer messed up my Unemployment check. I spent a good two hours getting it all cleared up. I did get it cleared up, though; so a check will be sent in two business days.

Thank goodness I didn't check my bank balance until after I'd finished editing my "Oprah" story proposal. I did it for my sister because I have no desire to be on television, but our story has a bit of heart and inspiration in it, so what the heck. It was a good writing exercise that I used for Scriptwriting, too.

My Scriptwriting class made me want to cry in a good way. While I completely blew the proposal format, the feedback that I got about my story premise was good. The group I spoke to told me, "You have to write this!" My instructor's notes said that it was a good premise and gave solid, constructive suggestions about improving my proposal.

I had a chance to speak with my instructor during our break. She told me that she knew which one was mine; and that, she thought it was a good premise. I thanked her and told her that I'd found my sister.

"It's a true story?!" my instructor responded.

"Yeah. Mine."

My instructor teared up a bit, but it could have been her back because I've the pain on her face because of it. She was surprised, though. We talked some more about our lives and writing and then went inside for some movie viewing.

We watched the first ten minutes of "American Beauty" and "Harold and Maude." It was great to see two very different openings to movies back-to-back. My instructor is a very good instructor. I'm so happy that I'm lucky enough to be in this class.

I felt particularly good while watching "Harold and Maude" because I saw Ellen Geer's name in the credits. She played Sunshine Dore (add an accent over the "e" in Dore). Not only was I watching one of my favorite movies and thoroughly enjoying it, but I was transported back to The Theatricum Botanicum in Topanga, California. I lived in Topanga for a few years. I loved it there. I spent a good deal of time at the Theatricum because our Pre-School Fundraiser was held there each year and because it was just a lovely place to go and breathe.

I haven't been to the Theatricum Botanicum since 1988 so I remember it as a rustic, outdoor theatre with railroad ties for seats going up a hillside, a wooden stage built over a creek, and cement stairs going up to the house from behind the stage that had Woody Guthrie's autograph written in them. There was also a garden with a bust of Will Geer up by the house the last time I was there. It was a magical place that I used to "run away" to in secret and "just be." I could breathe there. Writing about it now, I am again transported to a place of joy and safety. Guess I have another coping mechanism - when stressed just think of the Theatricum Botanicum. Now I never would have figured that out if I wasn't in school. Ah, the added benefits of education.

OK, I'm off for another busy day. Will try to write more today to get caught up on my posts.

Many blessings to you and yours. Hang in there. I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Oops - Again

Guess my day was busier than I thought. I woke up this morning and realized that I hadn't blogged.

I spent my day knitting, cooking, and doing homework. Went to class at 6:30pm, returned home at 10:20pm, and went straight to bed.

Had a pretty good night's sleep and am up and going again today. More homework and housework to do. Another class tonight.

I am tired, sore, and in OK spirits. A second cup of coffee might help. A bit more sleep might help, too. In any case, it's a good day. I know it's a good day because I'm awake and breathing.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Indulgence

Tonight's post is going to be short and to the point.

School today was very well. Two out of three projects done and well received. All three due by start of class next Monday. No Problem, Sir!

House Premiere tonight in three minutes. Going to watch and knit.

All is going well. Life at Warp Speed deserves a full post because of the things that I'm learning about myself and so many more. I'll get to it later because ....

House Premiere in two minutes!

Better Late Than Never?

OK, so it's 12:38am on Monday morning, and I have officially missed Sunday's deadline. I have a good reason. I was doing homework and housework and running all my errands.... Didn't have much to report prior to this anyway.

Good news is that I've completed two of three projects for my first Digital Sound assignment and have class time tomorrow to finish up the third. My first project is a Noise Project. My second is a Music Project. The third is a Noise and Music Project. All three projects are to be anywhere from :30 to 1:30 (that's thirty seconds to a minute and thirty seconds, in case you're unfamiliar with how it's written).

The Noise Project is based on my experiences in a stairwell at school. It was loud and very annoying, but a good solid bit of noise to use. We didn't have to try to make it sound exactly like the sounds we heard. My piece is an "Inspired" piece. I tried to make it as annoying and uncomfortable as I felt while sitting in the stairwell. I think I've succeeded. It even has a bit at the end where I left to the relative quiet of the hallways and the sounds of students talking.

The Music Project is based on my experience right before I went into the stairwell. They're about as opposite as you can get. I was alone in a lecture hall listening to the sounds outside in the hall, listening to the ever present ventilation system, and enjoying the spaciousness of the room. I'm happy with it, so far.

I guess I should say that "completed" means that I've got a good foundation to show my instructor. I've still got some questions and want to know what he thinks. All in all, though, I feel pretty good, now.

The computer even crashed while I was working on the Music Project, and I hadn't saved my latest changes; but it was a good thing. It really was. I rebooted and re-entered most of my changes, switched some things around, and came up with a better piece than I had been muddling through. Let's hear it for "Happy Accidents."

That's really the biggest news. It's another action packed Monday, so I better get to bed.

Have a great week, Everyone. You know I'll be back... oh, and I think my talking wart is entering the final stages of a forever sleep. :D

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Talking Wart

A quickie here 'cause I've got to get to bed. Had a good day that is ending up to be a great day. Got together with a friend and her daughter and her daughter's friend for a few hours tonight. It was so nice to see everyone again. The funniest part was when my friend's young daughter wanted to know why I was wearing a band aid on my finger. I got to explain all about my wart. I even carried on a conversation with my wart for her. Then my wart went to sleep. It was just too funny.... and yes, you definitely had to be there. Still, it's the simple goofy things in life that make me happiest. It was such a nice, relaxing night filled with fun. We danced and shared stories. Dinner was good. Everyone just had a great time, and we all needed it.

I've met all my responsibilities today and drank a ton of water. Tomorrow is the Bears game and homework - Digital Sound. Grocery shopping and getting ready for another action packed week.

I'm up early tomorrow, so I'm headed to bed. Just wanted to post something about my talking wart and his sleep. We're working on a "forever sleep." So far, so good.

Sweet dreams, All.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Tell Me Lies ... Tell Me Sweet Little Lies ...

Remember that song? It's running through my head. Fleetwood Mac, right? Rumors was much overplayed in my college dorm room along with Netherlands by Dan Fogelberg - Hmmmmm. Be right back.

"Once in a vision ... " RIP Dan Fogelberg, Illinois Boy. Seeing you play in concert with a friend on back-up guitars (6-string, 12-string, steel) and mandolin was amazing. Listening to your music all these years has been a Godsend.

Here's to the liars and thieves, the bastards and assholes. Here's to the destruction they reap. May their lives be cut short. May they suffer more than they caused those they hurt.

Here's to the lovers and innocents, the angels and artists. Here's to the glory they bestow. May their lives be just as long as they choose. May they know more joy than they know what to do with.

Oh that this world could be everything I imagine. That's all I want for myself, now. I just want the world I imagine. I actually think I could get it. At least I believe that I would enjoy trying. The journey. That's what I want; the journey. The more I go along this path, the happier I get. There is no way I can fail because for me just trying is the success. It's not about fame, fortune and glory. It's about doing what I have to do to be happy.

... and you know what? I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about me and my choices any more. Sometimes I get hurt, but it's not because of what people think. It's because of what people do. Mean people. There are some really mean, fucked up people in this world. The lazy bastards and cowards are difficult to deal with along with the addicts, alcoholics, and perverts; but the people who are willfully mean: they're in a class of their own. I know what I would do if I was God which must be why there is the theory of Heaven and Hell because certainly I am not such a unique human. LOL

Here's to freedom to live life the way I have to live it. Here's to acknowledging my strengths, weaknesses, joys and sorrows. I've done a good job of being responsible, forgiving, hard-working, and dutiful. It's time to take the good, leave the bad, and move on.

I'm moving on because the mere thought of it fills me with joy. Do you know what it feels like for someone like me who has been responsible for so long to even consider moving on because technically all my responsibilities have been fulfilled? I'm not talking about physically moving on. I'm talking about mentally. I could sit in a room for the rest of my life and be a different person than who I was just a moment ago. It's not about locale. My mind can take me anywhere I want to go. I have skills. I make the world a better place no matter if anyone sees me, talks to me, listens to me or cares for me. My existence is enough. I know this. It doesn't matter if anyone else does though I know a few do. It's liberating, really. It's an AHA Moment. Sure took me long enough. Dang.

OK, gotta go dance! ... and knit and do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it. That's the joy of being a single woman. ... and I don't want to travel right now, so money isn't an issue. I've got food, water, shelter, toilet paper candles, and music - Dance! Dance! Dance!

Oh, and I told Mom all about my life right now. I love my mom. She gave me wings to fly and still does. God Bless her. She's a great lady.

"... and once again, those promises made..."

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Day Off - Who Needs One!

Everybody needs a day off sometimes, but there are some who never get a day off. For this reason, I am working on strengthening my resolve and moving forward each day with some sort of business. Days off are luxuries that I can not afford, right now. This is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, I am blessed with prospects and a willingness to do whatever it takes to be successful in both my personal and professional lives. Besides, I do take time to care for myself each day and understand the importance of replenishing myself when I am depleted. I am joining the many around the world who yearn for a better life and are working for it. I am grateful that I am not in a war-torn country and have the necessities that I need and more. No whining here, just very focused on reality.

It's a short one today because I do have a lot to do. I've already applied for two positions at a wonderful organization that I have been aware of for over twenty years. It was by chance that I found out about the openings because I never would've thought to apply there. Still I have all the skills necessary for both open positions at this worthwhile non-for-profit. Here's hoping for an interview and more.

I think it's time to get to work on the house, too.... but first I need to get through to Unemployment and write a business letter that has been plaguing me for too long. Housework is going to have to wait. Sometimes things just get too busy to clean closets and fold clothes. There will be time tonight when the world has calmed down a bit.

Take care of yourselves and much success in everything you do. The rain has stopped, the sun is coming out, and it is a beautiful day. Just might have to go for a bike ride, too! HA! :D Keep smiling!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

11:11

It's my goal to have this posted by 11:11. It is 11:02.

Busy, productive, hard day. Going to veg to Craig Ferguson and knit. Nuff said - woot. It's still 11:02. Make that one more goal accomplished today.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Since I've been remiss....

"You accomplish with kindness what you cannot with force." Publius Cornelius Tacitus

Found this quote today when I was looking for quotes about accomplishing goals. I've always believed this premise and did my best to raise my children with this in mind. When training animals, this is the best approach, too. I used to say that raising kids was like training dogs which upset many until I explained that you can beat a dog into submission and it will fear you and do what you want, but it will not respect and love you. I feel the same is true for children. Duh.

I've got to make dinner and finish homework because tomorrow is yet another busy day. All I really want to do is knit, though. There's laundry to fold and much more to do in the productive/responsible arena, too; but all I want to do is knit. I wonder what will win out. I'm thinking knitting. I'm feeling the need to indulge myself. Besides, I'm into the present that I'm making and have a deadline that is fast approaching.

Well, that's it for now. Happy, Happy to you all. Hang in there. Something good is sure to happen sooner or later.

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read All About It! - PART FIVE

The first time I saw Vince Vaughn, he was way across the street walking around loosening up between takes. He walked and talked to a few crew members; and then, he danced. The man danced his man dance. That was it. I loved him more and more.

Mr. Vaughn is a tall man, too. At 6'5", he was noticeably taller than most around him. Thing was that he didn't seem that big. Must have been the dancing or something. In any case, it was fun to stand back and watch.

Not long after seeing Mr. Vaughn, Ron Howard walked out of the door of the diner. Well he walked about two steps; and then, he loped. He bounded from the door of the diner to the camera and back again multiple times.

"I hope I'm as spry as Ron Howard when I get to be his age," said that pretty Winona-Ryder-Look-Alike Extra.

"Me, too," I responded and thought about how out of shape I was.

Ron Howard went up to Vince Vaughn, and they talked for a moment; then, the shooting began outside the diner on the sidewalk. All Extras did their things wherever they were and time progressed. By now it was about 2am. This scene took about an hour to complete, and then it was time to move.

There had been reports that it was going to rain around 3am. I watched as the crew moved awnings in preparation for the supposed rain. They were amazing. If you've never seen a film crew in action, let me tell you that it is a thing of beauty that rivals any military operation. Smoothly, quickly, calmly they moved all the equipment that they needed to. Fabulous.

No sooner had they moved the awnings and equipment and relaxed a bit, they must have been told to move the awnings and equipment down the street by Extras Holding. I saw Tim and Will, two crew members that BB had worked with before, move stuff down the street while others were rolling cameras and carrying awnings.

"OK, we're pretty much wrapped. We've just got one more small scene to shoot," said Bob, "Everyone can go to Extras Holding and start handing in your paperwork."

I headed for a fence a ways away from Extras Holding to have a cigarette. Tyler, the Extras PA, saw me and motioned for me to go to Extras Holding as soon as I was done. I nodded and smiled. As I relaxed, I thought about the whole night and how happy I was. I was done. I'd survived my First Extra Experience.

Having finished my cigarette, I headed into Extras Holding. Jon was in the doorway picking people. I thought there was enough room for me to slip by him and into the room, so I went for it.

"OK, you and you and OOOOooooo! You," Jon said as he turned and looked at my breasts, "You. Out there."

I looked at him, down at my breasts, and out at the group of people that he had picked who were standing on the sidewalk in a line. They were all in darker shades of brown and blue like me. Well, that made me feel a bit better. It was my costume choice and not my breasts that got me picked. Whew. I laughed.

"OK, Sir," I responded and took my place in line while thinking, "Damn it. I didn't want to get picked. Shit. Well, I'll just keep my face from showing on the screen somehow."

It was 3:08am, and it started to rain. I know it was 3:08am because one of the PAs made a comment about the 3am prediction and all. Three awnings were being set up across the street from a bus stop bench. The cameras were all draped in clear plastic. The Extras were walked down to stand under the L-tracks. We waited and listened to one of the ADs; a female.

"OK. Let's see you," she started, "I'll be directing you and placing you. Keep your eyes on me," she continued, "OK. You and you go there. You and you go over by the building there," she pointed at me and a man wearing a blue flannel shirt and said, "You and you go across the street. When I point at you, walk across the street and under the L-tracks."

The rain let up, and the man and I walked across the street and stood by the southern-most awning. There were three cameras being set up. My favorite bit of equipment for the night, the big, black, crane, balloon-like lighting rig was raised into position. The fluffy of activity didn't involve us, so I introduced myself; and we started talking.

"I'm George," he said.

"So why did you come to this, George?" I asked.

"Well, I haven't worked in over a year, and my son thought I might enjoy it. I'm a big Ron Howard fan. I've been watching him since 'The Andy Griffith Show' and 'Happy Days'. He did a movie about muscle cars, and I got into muscle cars because of him. I mean, look at me," George said and showed me his shaking hand, "This is huge. I thought I might get a chance to meet him, so..."

I smiled and understood at once the magic of the moment for this big, burly man, "Well, this may be as close as you get, George, but it's not half bad, huh."

It started to sprinkle again, but we kept our places. The rain started to pick up, and George said, "If it really starts to rain, I'm standing under that tent," and pointed to the awning closest to us where a slew of crew were standing around equipment.

The sprinkling turned into a downpour, and true to his word, George went under the awning. I joined him. Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn stood under the same awning. George and I were no more than three feet from Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn. We played it cool. We didn't stare. We didn't talk. We listened as the crew, Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn talked about things.

The rain let up, and I moved back into position. George stayed under the awning where Ron Howard was standing with one of his "assistants."

"Mr. Howard is ready any time you are," the middle-aged man called out to the camera operators.

"Five minutes and we're set," a male voice called back.

It was still sprinkling, and I was bored. Vince Vaughn was standing on the corner not three feet from me, but I couldn't make eye contact. I looked like shit. I mean, I looked like shit after all the hours of walking. My hair was a disaster, and Lord knows what my face looked like. Talk about overcoming fears. Ugly, little Extra me was standing not three feet from one of my favorite actors wanting to dance with him, and I held my ground and did nothing inappropriate. I did watch Mr. Vaughn do his man dance to loosen up. He's so cute doing his man dance. It was so tempting. I just wanted to say something to him and dance with him, so bad; but that is strictly verboten and punishable by expulsion, so I held firm and got hit right in the middle of my head by a huge rain drop.

"I haven't tried to catch a rain drop on my tongue in years," I thought and cocked my head back, stuck my tongue out and tried to catch a few. Miss. Miss. Got one! Miss. Miss. Hit in the eye! Miss. Got one.

The downpour started again, and I joined George under the awning making sure to let him stand closer to Mr. Howard and now, Mr. Vaughn. We eavesdropped. They were talking about the upcoming scene. They talked about personal plans.

A crew member mentioned a pool to another crew member, who responded with, "That's too rich for my blood."

Ron Howard reached into his pocket, pulled out some cash, and walked to the back of the awning without skipping a beat in his conversation with Vince Vaughn. It was smooth and effortless. He gave the twenty dollars to the crew member and returned to Vince Vaughn's side. We all waited for the rain to let up.

Vince Vaughn was wearing a black trench coat over his black blazer, dark blue jeans and dress loafers. It seemed like a "typical" Vince Vaughn costume.

Ron Howard was wearing his NASA baseball cap, a John Deere T-Shirt, a green, denim work shirt, baggy, blue jeans, and tennies. He was slugging down coffee from a green, travel coffee mug.

When the rain finally did let up, he loped again from camera to camera and to the bench where the stand-in was sitting. Ron Howard ate up the bus stop bench checking out every possible angle. He loped back to the awning, and we got going.

George and I stood in our place, eyes glued on our female AD. We heard the "Action!" call and waited. The AD pointed at us, and we walked across the street right past Vince Vaughn sitting on the bench. Just as we were about to step on the curb, a car went whizzing by. Out of sheer instinct, I turned to look at it like I always do when someone shoots behind me before I've reached the curb. We walked under the L-tracks and turned into an alley where a crew member was standing. We waited. George started to talk and was shushed. We heard, "Cut!" and "Reset!" and returned to our spot.

We did this again ending in the same alley. I smelled a stench that I've never smelled before in my life. A combination of dog urine, human urine, stale beer, vomit and garbage that made me nauseous. I moved farther down the alley. Yuck.

A couple more times we did our walk until we finally heard the magic words, "That's a Wrap!"

I watched as the crew started to break down the set and Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn sat in directors chairs with a couple of other people looking at monitors. They all looked happy with the results and with each other.

I wandered back to Extras Holding, gathered my belonging, and stood in line with my perfectly filled out paperwork. Bob checked me out, and I said my good-byes.

At 4:30am, I headed up the street with the rolling suitcase and my leather production bag. My care was still parked where I had parked at 6:30pm the night before. It had never been used, and I got paid for it. I smiled. I smiled again because I was glad to see that there was a security guard at the corner who could see up the street to my car. I asked him to keep an eye on me until I was safely inside. I looked down the street and saw the crew loading trucks and felt for them. It was raining pretty hard again.

As I was walking up to my car, I could see two strung-out guys begging at cars in the street right by my car. They were nasty, desperate guys who were tweaking badly. I turned around and caught the security guard's eye and motioned to the two tweakers. He nodded and watched me.

About ten feet from my car, the tweakers approached me.

"Could you.." said the blond, stringy haired one.

"No," I responded and watched his partner head for a cab that was pulling up to the stop light, "Stay away from me."

The blond walked up towards his buddy on the other side of my car. I could see bruises and scabs on him. I could see bruises and scabs on his partner, too, even though he was black. I felt for the guys and was more leery. I walked to my trunk catching the security guard's eye again.

While I was unlocking my trunk, the blond guy approached me again. He's swung around to the sidewalk and his partner was coming from the street.

"Please," he begged desperately, "Couldn't you..."

"No," I cut him off and kept an eye on his buddy, "I can't. You need help. Serious help."

"I know," he continued and as they both came closer, "We'll ..."

"No you won't," I said more firmly, "Now stay away or I will beat the shit out of you. You got me?! Get the FUCK away from me NOW!"

They both moved away, and I put my stuff in my trunk. I watched as they wandered down the middle of the street and waited until they were far enough way for me to safely unlock my car and get in. It was the first time that evening that I was grateful that I was ugly, big and fat. I was downright mean looking, and I was glad.

Pulling out in my car, I turned the corner and passed the trucks and crew. I waved and received a variety of responses from pure disdain to a cheerful wave. I could expect no less. I still felt for them, and headed home in a torrential downpour. I took Sheridan home, and thought about all that I had experienced and how happy I was. I also thought about BB & SA's shoot at 10am that morning with my granddaughter and daughter. I knew that I wouldn't make it even though I wanted to. It was too late and I was too tired.

I got home around 5:30am. I crawled up the stairs stiffly after my drive, and flopped into bed. I didn't wake up until around 11:30am and knew that I'd missed seeing my "babies" all together making another movie. I got up, took a shower, and headed out to see if I could find them anyway.

I'd missed my granddaughter and daughter, but the rest of the crew was shooting by a bistro close by, so I headed there and did a bit of crowd control and other PA/Gopher stuff. It was a beautiful, sunny day. I was on my second set in less than twenty-four hours. I was in Heaven.

From Big Budget to Student Production, the successful attitude is the same. The skills and work are relatively the same. The atmosphere in this case was the same; nice, professional, and focused.

While I just experienced a bit of Ron Howard's directing style that night, I can say that he seems as nice in person as he is in interviews; his reputation seems to be true, at least to me. I can say the same for Vince Vaughn and add in his dancing and humor. Course, Ron Howard made people laugh, too. I wonder if he dances.

There. That's it. I've completed this Five Part Series about my First Extra Experience.

I had three more days of work on the shoot. One was at a restaurant and the other two were at the United Center. More things happened, of course, and maybe somewhere down the line I'll write it all up. A few of the highlights were getting to know the Costume Designer, Hair Dresser, and Tyler a bit better. More highlights have to do with working on the same set as my son and meeting a wonderful woman named, Lisa Junco, who is a class act offering positive advice and direction for newbies like me and frustrated older extras/actors, too.

As always, take good care of yourselves and keep all the good thoughts going.

and . . .

Here I was thinking about my day, and I realized that I had not blogged. Yet another busy day. Did my first of three digital sound projects. Instructor liked it. HA! My Master Plan is working. He didn't like me at first, but I got some cred today through my work and because of my production background. :D

Craig Ferguson is on. He just interviewed Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Now he's doing an AquaMan skit with Tim Gunn. LOL I love Craig Ferguson!

Caught up on some sleep, did some knitting, cooked lunch, went to the bank - boring stuff, but still productive.

My readership is shrinking. I know why, too. It's OK. After all, this is just an experiment for me, anyway. It's proven itself very useful to me in my schoolwork and in my personal life, so at least I'm benefiting from it all. I don't really expect anyone to be interested in my latest stuff. My self-imposed restrictions have taken their toll. Again, OK. Knowing the time and place for the appropriate actions is very important. Vague statements seem to fill my writing here lately, but as long as I understand the code and can come back later and remember what was really going on - well, that's all that matters to me right now.

You see, I think my readership spiked for a while because certain people were worried that I would divulge their secrets or write something really stupid. Tee Hee. Silly people. How stupid and insensitive do they think I am? Really?! Now that I've completely bored most and proven that I have no interest in fucking up my life; POOF! They're gone. Good riddance to bad rubbish, as "they" say. For the others that I have bored into leaving, well, who can really blame them.

This blog is a public forum. It has helped me immensely with my private writing; the writing that I would like to make some money with. I didn't realize in the beginning that this would happen. Can't tell everyone how happy I am about it, though. My writing for Scriptwriting and Digital Sound is focused and fast as a direct result of writing this blog. YEA!

OK, that's it. There will be another post later today. EXTRA stuff? Who knows. I have to write a proposal for a script idea for class on Wednesday and more business letters. I also have to apply for more jobs. I'm writing a lot lately.

Take care and all my best to you and yours.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Hallelujah

Happy Sunday!

Totally productive day. Six hours of homework resulting in a final story decision for my proposal. Research was done for the story, too. I'm still deciding what format to present the story in; television series, mini-series, short or long film.

Had a couple of good phone calls with my mom and sis, too. We just chatted for a bit since we haven't chatted for a bit. :D

Cleaned the kitchen, ran errands, and applied for an E-Commerce Associate position with a well-established local business, too.

So now it's late enough to go to bed, or at least, go into my bedroom, turn on the tube, and do a bit of knitting.

That's it, Peeps. I'm writing more than I've ever written in my life and am kinda fried from all my homework and my job application.

Sweet dreams.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Thoughts on Septemeber 11, 2010

I've tried to avoid this. I really have tried, but I've decided that with respect to those who were killed and injured and their families; it is best to join the national throng and just remember, respect, and reflect.

On September 11, 2001, I was home, in bed, sick. I received a call from my son who was in high school.

"Mom," BB said, "Did you see?"

"See what?" I mumbled, barely awake.

"The Twin Towers have been bombed."

"What?!"

"Turn on the TV."

"OK," I responded and turned on the TV in my bedroom.

Every news station was reporting the up-to-the minute reports of the first airplane strike on the Twin Towers.

"BB," I asked, "Are you OK?"

"Yeah," he whispered.

"You sure?"

"What's going on, Mom?" he asked, "Are we OK?"

"That's in New York, BB. We're here. We're OK. Why are you calling?"

"They said we could call home if we wanted to, so I did. They said if we wanted to go home that we could go."

"Oh. What are you doing at school?"

"They've got the TVs on in all the classrooms. Everywhere you go it's on the TV."

"Do you want to come home?"

"No. Not really."

"OK then. I'm just here in bed. Guess I'll be watching ... HOLY SHIT!"

"WHAT?!"

"A second plane just hit the other tower. Oh my God, BB. LIVE. I just saw it LIVE. Damn. OK. Listen. We're fine. If the TV gets to be too much or you want to come home, call me. I'll pick you up. We're fine, BB. This is taking place on the East Coast. Let me know if you want to walk home or want to be picked up when school's done, OK?"

"OK. I'm going to get back to class. Mom?"

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"Love you, too, Sweetie."

We hung up and for the rest of the day, I watched the coverage from my bed still sick. I thought about my daughter out in California and wondered how she was doing. I called her house and left a message. I ate some Chicken Soup. I slept and woke up to more reports. I talked to my girlfriend, and we discussed the school's decision to have the TV on all day in all classrooms. We weren't too happy with that decision. I couldn't get the image of the second plane hitting the second tower simply because I was standing less than a foot away from the screen when I saw it. Guess I'll never forget it.

That was my 911.

In the coming days everyone was nicer. American flags flew from houses, cars, trucks, fire trucks, and were just about everywhere a person looked. People were nicer, more courteous, more appreciative. The country pulled together. Neighbors that I hadn't talked to in years said hello to me. It seemed like for a moment in time everyone forgot about their petty differences and became the best humans that they could be. I knew it wouldn't last and started to time it. How long til everything reverts back to the way it was before or gets worse.

It didn't take long for reports of Muslims being attacked by their "Fellow Americans." It didn't take long at all.

One of my favorite people in the world was attacked after the September 11, 2001 attacks. She was walking down the street in her California town with her four children. Some people started throwing rocks at her and her family. Three of them ended up in the Emergency Room as a result.

My daughter called me back from California and gave me a full report on the weirdness of the events out there and how open the freeways were. Nobody was really supposed to be out on the roads, as I recall; but being true to her youthful, adventurous self, my daughter found a friend, and they drove from Pasadena to Venice Beach just to see. She reported seeing sights in-person that I saw on TV. She seemed fine. She was a bit nervous, but she was fine.

BB and I went about our lives. We just went about our lives and talked about stuff. We were shaken, but OK.

I got together with my best friend, and as we talked we came up with one of the funniest and most irreverent movies ideas that I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of, "If Blonds Ruled the World." It was prompted by a story about her sister, who was in the Navy and blond. We knew we were coping with stuff in our way and figured we were headed straight to Hell for our thoughts, but it was just too funny to us. Basically, I was the President of the United States, and she was "Second-In-Command" because she hated the term, "Vice President." We made her sister the Secretary of Defense. Everyone in our Cabinet had to be blond. The more ideas we came up with the more we built a completely absurd, fictional world where we were the anti-hero heroines. It was a misfit world where everything is NOT PC and goes hilariously wrong culminating in my "Second-IN-Command" taking control of the country by threatening to let go of my wheelchair in one of the Twin Towers stairwells during the evacuation during the September 11, 2001 attack because, let's face it, I, the President, was a total Fuck-Up. Having revealed this much of our irreverence ... and because you had to be there and be us to really appreciate the humor, I'll leave out all the other irreverent things we plotted, what specific costumes were and who we cast in what roles. We laughed until we cried. We got it all out, I think. (It might help if you're an Emergency Room medical professional or have a healthy gallows humor to really understand how such thoughts can come to some people)

The other thing that I remember about that time is that my downstairs neighbor's birthday was on September 14th, and she had a party that she said she felt guilty about having. I encouraged her to have a good time and not be guilty. I'll never forget her birthday, either.

A blog that I follow suggested looking up the victims of the September 11, 2001 attacks and picking one to remember today and every year. I just did that. Sonia Ortiz was a janitor and elevator operator. The link below beautifully tells her story. You can also access other stories of victims on this site.

http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/wuz/2006/09/2996_i_remember.html

So now, my only request is that somehow we could get back to being nicerrrrrrrrr. Not everything has to be blow up, you know.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Beautiful Day

I woke up at around 10am, wrote a letter to my old college roommate, and applied for a job with my favorite village. All the while I was working on my computer, I was sitting in front of my open window relishing the perfect day outside. It was too beautiful to stay inside all day, so I decided that as soon as my responsibilities and indulgences were taken care of that I would head out somewhere and just experience the perfect temperature, the perfect breeze, and the perfect everythingness of it all.

Having completed my "homework", I headed out for an hour long hike at Wright Woods. I'd never hiked there before, so it was an adventure. Sometimes people on horseback come through on the trails, but not today. Darn. Still there were ponds filled with lily pads and forests filled with green foliage from soil to sky. I even spotted a hornets nest right above the trail. I was so happy that BB had finally gotten the camera out of his backpack for me; and that, I had the good sense to bring it along. I got some nice shots of everything.

After my hike, I left to have a lovely and healthy lunch at Panera; New England Clam Chowder and half a Sierra Turkey on Asiago Focaccia. Perfection - AGAIN!

From there I went on a mission to Walmart, Joann Fabrics, Michael's and Hobby Lobby in search of yarn for a present I want to start. I found three different kinds that I liked at Hobby Lobby and Walmart, so I bought all three along with two new crochet hooks; sizes L and N. I didn't have these larger sizes and the prices were right; less than two bucks each. I confess that I am a sucker for a sale, and one of the yarns was half off while the other two were so cheap ($6.50 for a pound of cotton) that I couldn't resist buyng them all. Dang yarn sales. Tee Hee. As I always say in these circumstances, "I'm done buying yarn." Yeah, right. At least I like what I bought, and will be working with all of it very soon.

After my successful hunt, I headed home and found SA with BB. She was waiting for me because I'd asked her to go over a few details of a script idea that I have. We discussed my ideas and technical aspects of what I want to do. I call this research since she is teaching me about a subject that I know nothing about. I cannot reveal this subject because I am still working on my idea and am not sure that I want to stick with it. It is good to have gotten a basic understanding of the subject matter, though.

Having gotten a good grip on all of that, she told me that her Screenplay II teacher at Columbia is Steve Zacharias. (You can look him up on www.imdb.com, if you want - some great credits including, "All In The Family", "Happy Days", "The Partridge Family", and "Revenge of the Nerds")

Mr. Zacharias has written an 83-page piece about 13 steps for writing comedy, or any type of screenplay. Guess what I'll be reading tomorrow before settling on my idea for my proposal.

(NOTE TO SELF: Check out jobs at Columbia College and other schools downtown and in the area ... - Good Loard. So much to do.)

I'm loving being in school and had no idea that SA was taking Screenwriting, too. I'm going to have a lot of fun talking over things with her this semester. I also can't wait til I tell my class about Steve Zacharias's piece and how I plan on "auditing" SA's class through her. :D :D :D ----->

Sometimes, I actually think things are working out, as in, "working out", as opposed to, "will work out." I don't want to get ahead of myself, though. There's lots of work to do to get the results that I want on so many levels and fronts that I know I'm going to just keep plugging away at it all. Thing is that today was a real boost for me, so I might as well continue enjoying the afterglow and build on it for tomorrow and each day to follow for as long as I can....

And now, I am writing my blog about things not EXTRAS or Princess; but I am writing my blog, so :P. Guess I'm also feeling a bit spirited tonight, too.

I'm headed to my bed, putting in "Kick Ass", and relaxing to end it all.

Absolutely beautiful day. Perfect, really.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Good News

Well, here I am after over an hour of private writing with a brief update.

I presented my script in a group of four. Note to self: Be more gracious when being critiqued. Too much caffeine and nerves do not make a good combination when receiving critiques. I did apologize for being so "bitchy", though, and everyone told me not to worry about it. It was minor stuff, really.

All in all, my script was very well received. I mean, it surprised me to my core. They were laughing. I made people laugh through my writing. You have no idea how important this is to me. Really, you don't.

I've been wanting to write comedy ever since I left Players Workshop after our class show at Second City. The tape may still exist somewhere. I hope it does. I'd like to see the Tienanmen Square Dance again. Yes, our show was presented just after the events at Tienanmen Square. I worked so hard to make the Square Dance authentic. My classmates strongly objected, but I persisted saying, "We're doing this on the off chance that there is just one person in the crowd who actually Square Dances. We're doing this right." They gave in, and we presented our piece in soldier and student costumes. At the end of the dance, the students were killed by the soldiers. Our show reflected the dark days we were experiencing at the time; it was filled with dark comedy - biting comedy.

I'd also like to see our opening number, "Sioux City", which was set to the tune of "Oklahoma" and was about the Sioux City airplane crash. Like I said, we presented a biting comedic show.

In any case, I've finally written something that made people laugh - AGAIN! Wow. It was relatively easy, too. Wow! I just used the story to present scenes of the main characters imaginings while he is in an MRI machine and experiencing extreme claustrophobia. Jim DeCamp, the author, did the real work. I just took his words and made a script. It was very enjoyable especially since people laughed.

Besides, I used a technique that they hadn't considered; Fantasy. I read ahead in my book and discovered how to format what I wanted to write. That's a big part of learning any new writing style; discovering the rules of presentation. I did find what I needed, and the end result allowed my creativity to flow.

I really didn't know that my years of experience working in television, theatre, and film would lend itself so thoroughly to writing this little script. I'm so guilty of not appreciating my own talents and skills. Too many years of being beat down by those who do not understand or share my chosen self-expression, I guess. What a boon this was. I sincerely had no idea I had this in me. Quite the confidence builder, huh.

Oh, and we were asked about our process when writing. My process went something like this -

Receive Assignment.
Procrastinate.
Procrastinate deciding that crocheting a scarf is more important.
Procrastinate Some More and continue crocheting a scarf.
Freak Out.
Really Freak Out because Real Life is interfering with My Ability to Focus.
Read Short Stories.
Totally Freak Out because I DON'T GET THEM AT ALL.
Curse the Instructor.
Admonish Self for Cursing Instructor because She's Entirely Too Nice and Encouraging.
Procrastinate.
Procrastinate and do some knitting.
Sit Down and Write on the Day the Assignment is Due.
Consult the Book Multiple Times.
Do a Bit-O-Research. NOTE: Gene Cernan was the Last Man to Walk on the Moon.
Plug Away.
Continue to Plug Away feeling like I'm Plagiarizing the Author's Story - but it is an Adaptation, so that's kinda what I'm supposed to do, Right?
Ease Into Writing.
Take Words from Story Write Script.
Feel it Fall Into Place.
Finish Script with An Hour to Spare.
Print Script.
Place in Folder.
Type up Introduction Survey.
Print Introduction Survey.
Place in Folder.
E-mail Both to Instructor.
Take Script and Introduction Survey to Class.
Present Script.
Receive Critique - Poorly - Vow to do Better Next Time.
Make People Laugh.
Receive Multiple Compliments.

Our next assignment is to write a proposal for the story we want to write. I am twisting again. I've got a week to unravel the thoughts and put something down. I need to decide if I'm presenting a Television or Film script and how long the script is. I need to decide on my story. Twisting in the wind, here.... and Enjoying It?! Good Loard. This is Thrilling.

OK, must get on with my day's activities. Have a good one, Everyone. I'll be back!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Hello

OK, here's the deal. Yesterday was a very full day. A guilty man was found innocent. I was comforted by those I love. I took a break.

Can it be that I have not written since Sunday? REALLY?!

Well, if you can hang in there with me through this period of my life .... It's very, very busy, Folks.

Good news is that I am headed to Scriptwriting with my first eight page script adapted from a short story called, MRI, by Jim DeCamp. Didn't think I'd get it done. Freaked me out at first, but then I just buckled down and did it. We'll see how I did.

I also finished the Introduction Survey for class, so now I am officially all caught up.

Monday will bring Digital Sound and finishing my first assignment. Soon Financial Aid will arrive, and I will purchase my very own MAC.... I hope. Oh how I hope I'll get my MAC.

I've been applying for work like crazy, too; so all my ducks are in a row.

That's all I know for now because it's time to get beautiful and rock-it to school.

Take care, Everyone!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Knitting & Crocheting

That's it, basically. I've been knitting and crocheting again. I've got two knitting projects going and just started a crocheting project. I needed to relax and meditate while being a bit creative, especially today. I know this is not an exciting post, but I'm more interested in peace and quiet today.

I've been drinking lots of water, getting exercise, and being entirely too responsible lately. I have a business letter to write tomorrow. There's also homework to finish for Wednesday; adapt a short story into a short script and do a survey on why I'm taking the class. Let's see ... the house is staying relatively clean. I vacuumed today. OH MY GOD! You would not believe the amount of crud I sucked up. EEEEEeeeeeeeWWWWWwwwwww! Will continue with all of that tomorrow, too.
Oh, and I've been applying for jobs like crazy, too. Man, my life really has hit warp speed.

OK, so if all goes well, I'll finish up Part 5 of EXTRA! EXTRA! tomorrow because I've made everyone wait entirely too long. Again, a million apologies. I will do my best to make it wonderfully exciting unlike this post.

Sweet dreams, All. I'm off to watch "JFK" Special Features and crochet some more. The crocheting is going very quickly. I'm a better crocheter than a knitter. Go figure.

Here's to many happy days for everyone! "Happy Days." Tee Hee.

Oh, and I forgot one thing; I got a letter of reference today from two former students that blew me away. I'm actually speechless... I just never really thought that my fond feelings and appreciation would be reciprocated like it has been.

I've achieved one of my dreams; work somewhere where kids came to hang out and do something because they just wanted to, not because it was a designated place for them to go - AND - have this place be FREE of Charge to them - AND - have a positive and fun impact on their lives. I got all of that through my Public Access job.

Goofy Public Access really gave me a lot. I'm glad I had the opportunity to give to those that I taught, worked with, and had professional relationships with. Now, as soon as I get to my Final Cut Pro class, I'll be able to finally finish that Log House video from 2003, and another dream will be fulfilled.

You all know my first dream was to be a good mom, right? OK, I'm off to my calm, peaceful, happy, little, boring, warm and fuzzy world.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

Well then, I owe everyone an apology for not writing since Tuesday. Didn't realize it had been that long. Really, I didn't. This new warp-drive life of mine has been quite a change for me, and I'm just getting used to it. I knew that when I got back into school that writing the blog would be more difficult, but I didn't count on it being this difficult. Here goes a bit of catch up.

Wednesday night I showed up for Scriptwriting fully caught up with the homework that I had missed. I'm proud of me for that one.

I like the instructor. I like my classmates. I'm looking forward to going back. I have a few short stories to read for next class and a survey to fill-out. I think I'm supposed to adapt one of the short stories into a short script. I'll have to check the Blackboard to see.

The Blackboard is an on-line tool for homework and documents for each class at the school that I'm attending. Some instructors use it; some do not. My Scriptwriting instructor uses it quite a bit.

Thursday it poured, and I had a ton of errands to do. Not so fun, but got through the day and went to bed thoroughly exhausted.

Today I slept in recovering from my new warp-drive life. Tonight I had more errands to run, so I did that and am now headed to bed.

It's been a very, very full week, so far. I'm looking forward to tomorrow; so that, I can get some stuff done around the house, run more errands, and write about Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn for everyone. I was within three feet of each of them for over an hour, so it might be interesting.

Until tomorrow, dear friends, until tomorrow.... Hang in there. People love you.