Beau

On March 31, 2011 at approximately 5:30am, Beau died at the foot of my dad's bed. His death was unexpected. The first sign that he was not feeling well came around 9pm on Wednesday the 30th; eight and a half hours later, he was dead. It has been just over twenty-four hours since he first became ill, and sixteen hours since he died.

Our whole family is in shock and has spent the day crying, talking, and staring off into space trying to get our bearings back. We know it will take time. We miss him terribly.

I don't live with Beau, nor do I live in the same town as Beau. I used to live about ten minutes away from him, but now I live three hours away. Except for my children, I've spent the least amount of time with him.

He's lived with my mom, dad and brother since the day he was rescued from a wonderful shelter in what used to be "our" area. Eventually, my mom, dad, and brother moved back to our old "hometown" three hours away. I stayed put. Then my brother found the love of his life, got married and wisely decided that Beau would continue to live with our mom and dad. Beau lived with Mom and Dad for about a decade. He relocated with them.

It's kind of a Marley and Me moment, I guess. I could go on and on about all the times that Beau comforted us, the trouble he got into, the few mishaps he endured because of us, the joy he brought into our lives, what a pain in the ass he could be at times because he was constantly trying to herd us around and be the alpha male, and how good he felt when we laid down together for a nap. I could go on and on about his smile, his bark, his prance, the way he always seemed to be at the door before I arrived for a visit, and how he saved my sanity numerous times by taking off with me on a walk to the lake or just in the neighborhood. I could go on and on, but honestly; it just hurts a bit too much right now.

I'm feeling very selfish. I just can't stop thinking that he's never going to greet me again when I show up for a visit. He's never going to the lake with me again. I'll never see his prance while we're on a walk. He won't lay down beside me and fall asleep with my arms around him ... and ... If I'm feeling this bad, just imagine how badly my mom, dad, brother and sister-in-law are feeling because they saw him every day.

If I had occasional thoughts that he was my favorite family member, imagine how many times Mom, Dad, my brother and his wife may have had a few of the same thoughts and feelings about Beau. Humans and Family can be difficult at times, and Beau was just so damn smiley and bouncy. How did he make everyone feel so special all the time? Beau represented his canine brothers and sisters very well. He represented all pets very well. I wish more humans were like Beau. I bet I'm not alone in my thinking.

It doesn't get any easier to say good-bye, so I'm going to keep you alive through stories and memories. Dammit, Beau, the timing on this one really sucks. Who the hell am I supposed to talk to about this one? You know what? It will be OK. I'll just pretend that I'm you and listen to the people who saw you every day because they may just need someone to listen to them like you used to. I don't know if they'll turn to me, but if they do; I'm at the ready just like you always were. If you don't mind, I might bother you from time to time with a few thoughts of my own, just like I would even if I wasn't visiting. I used to think about you a lot, you know. You sure were a good friend, Sir. So when you see Kamir, Crystal, Zoe, Theo, Harley, Bogie, and Milo please give them one of your more radiant smiles and enjoy their company. You are in good company. Our family has been blessed by great animals. You're all the best of the best in my book. I'll do my best to not miss you too much and think of all our happy times. I'll tell Big Girl and Little One some stories about you. They like stories.

Rest in Peace, Beau.

#9 - Completion and a New Beginning

The number nine has many different meanings and associations in cultures and religions around the globe. In Numerology it is the number of finalization and more. I'd always thought of nine as the number representing completion. The following is a link to more information regarding the number nine than I ever imagined existed:

Properties of the Number 9

The nine planets of our solar system are mentioned in the above link noting that Pluto isn't a planet any more. This was horrifying news back on August 25, 2006, at least to me it was horrifying. Pluto is "MY" planet. I am a Scorpio and Pluto was my reigning planet. My favorite Disney character is Pluto. I was and am still tied into Pluto, but in the interest of accurate science I have accepted Pluto's fate and new classification as a Dwarf Planet. The following link is to a video from the Spitzer Science Center at Caltech that enjoyably explains why Pluto is no longer a planet:

Why Isn't Pluto A Planet Anymore?

Things keep changing, of course, and now there are reports of new planets being discovered that may be able to sustain human life. So while nine may symbolize completion to some, with ever completion there is a new beginning.

This leads me to the real subject of today's post. I have completed one phase of my life and am moving on to another with help from SA and BB. At this very moment or within a few moments, SA and BB are purchasing a new iMac 27" desktop computer and the Final Cut Pro software, Adobe CS5 Production Suite software, Microsoft Office for Mac 2011 software, and the Protection Plan. It is a HUGE step on my part. It is the single largest investment that I have made for my future and BB and SA's futures, too. It took a lot of thought and a GIANT leap of faith, but I've sent them to do their best. If all goes according to plan, we will also receive a FREE printer, if they still have any in stock. I'm still freaking out a bit when I think of the amount of money that I am spending, but it is a wise investment, or so I tell myself. What's done is done, and as a result, I will own a wonderful new computer with all the software and licenses that I need right now to really get going on finishing the Log House project and any other projects that I choose to put together in the future. There are more "gadgets" to purchase like an external hard drive and a break-out box, and I will be ordering those shortly. We will have an office equipped with the latest in video editing and document creation software in a computer that has 1T (1 terabyte) of internal hard drive memory. I am holding my technological geeky self in check right now. This is a HUGE New Beginning. I have completed my days working on PCs with questionable functionality that are prone to virus attacks and stalking programs. One of the beauties of MACs is that Apple is highly security conscious; thus, MACs rarely get viruses. So off I go into the world of proprietary software and heightened security that are both a part of being a MAC user.




I will keep this laptop around for those times when BB and SA are editing, and I want or need to get on a computer. Still, BB has a MacBook Pro, so maybe in the future I will cut my ties with PCs all together. Besides, the PC that I'm working on doesn't have the Microsoft Office Suite, and even though it has the FREE Open Office software; I haven't figured out how to use it completely or how to send documents that other computers can open. Looks like I'm about to become a MACwoman.

So that's it for the ninth post before the end of this blog "as we know it." If all goes well, tomorrow's post will be written from my new computer. It's all about Completion and a New Beginning today.

#10 - Zen and the Art of Home Deranging

So I'm sitting here trying to decide a new layout for our office. Turning this way and that trying to visualize the gray bookcase over on the wall by the light switch, the desk with the pull-out keyboard tray turned around and placed by the wall where the gray bookcase is now; or maybe putting the desk with the pull-out keyboard tray next to the matching work table over by the window. It's overwhelming.

I walk through our home and think of how I'd like to have it set up. I'm never satisfied. Besides, before I go ripping up the house again with my "deranging" efforts, it's obvious that the whole place needs a thorough cleaning. I know that my thoughts about "deranging" our home are part of my procrastination efforts. I'm very good at procrastinating.

All of a sudden I'm looking for our tape measure. It's not where I remember putting it who knows when. A sewing tape measure is there instead. This is a passable substitute, but now I want our tape measure. I want designated rooms for designated purposes. I want easy access to our tools. I want a full day to myself to "putz" in our home to make changes. This could be the day.

It makes sense to spend today focusing on cleaning and deranging things. I have to focus on cleaning first, though. I six boxes and two garbage bags in our office to go through and organize. Oh, I have two piles, too. Loard. Talk about sapping my energy; the thought of the amount of clutter around me makes me want to go to bed and curl up with my blankie.

"NO!" I think to myself, "Sleeping will not solve the problem. Avoiding the challenge will not do any good. Writing about it doesn't seem to be helping, either."

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense to start in our "back room", the entry to our home, with basic carrying down to the basement. When in the basement I can start more laundry and fold what's there. Then there's the kitchen; it needs a basic cleaning. The good thing is that BB mopped the floor on Sunday, so I'm ahead of the game, so to speak. BB's bedroom is his to figure out. I will keep my thoughts out of there. Moving on to the living room, I want to move the wicker, arched bookcase over by the entertainment center for starters. The whole room needs revamping, but that's not going to happen until school is over this summer. My bedroom is a mess and needs a thorough cleaning. That really shouldn't take too long since it's very small. Which leads me back to the office that I've already mentioned the amount of work needed to be done there. Yep, I'm feeling overwhelmed.

So what have my fifty years taught me about such things? Zen and the Art of Home Deranging; slow down the mind, remain unattached to the amount of work to be accomplished, eat, hydrate, listen to my body, work and rest, put on some good music or a standard movie for enjoyable white noise, breathe and just do the mundane; trudge if I have to, continue to move forward, and push through the pouting. Zen and the Art of Home Deranging can be very, very enjoyable. New ideas, better ideas can crop up as a result. Stay focused and complete each task; so that, at the end of the day the home isn't in worse shape than it started out. Try to work, off and on, for twelve hours, at least. Enjoy the process more than the final outcome. Remain focused on functionality rather than emotional attachment to things; this means "you" limed-oak finish, twin, sleigh bed. Some decisions will hurt momentarily, but clarity will take over and if lucky, increased happiness will result. Oh, and thinking about it and writing about it does not make it happen. I am not Samantha Stevens, no matter how much I'd like to be, so moving in the physical world is a mandatory part of life and accomplishing goals. The goal is to work, focusing on each task while not thinking about the end result; the goal is to stay in "The Now." Don't you hate that term? I do. Letting go of that emotional response while focusing on each task is a goal, too.

I have so many little "demons" that pop up when it comes to working in my home. They're silly, stupid, childish bits of resentment and pain that seem to really make themselves known when I am alone faced with "doing something" about my living environment. The only way I've found to "handle" them is to have an internal dialogue between my "Mom-self" and my "Child-self." Other people do this, too, right? Oh well, if they don't. It's what works for me. A tender, understanding Mom soothing a distressed, angry Child while firmly encouraging action. I'm sure I ran into this practice somewhere during my therapy sessions over the years.

SHIT! I forgot to go to therapy last night! Damn. Blame it on Spring Break and a glorious day yesterday with GL, Big Girl, Little One, BB and SA. Guess that was my therapy, but now, I mean NOW, I have to make a few phone calls; and then, I will start today's version of Zen and the Art of Home Deranging because tomorrow is a very special day, and I want to be ready for it.

#11 - Technology: Good or Bad?

Eleven is a power number in Numerology. I'm one of those people who notice when it's 11:11 on the clock especially if I'm waking up, going to bed, or something striking has happened. There are some who prescribe to making wishes when they see 11:11. The eleventh day of the eleventh month is when we honor veterans in this country because the Armistice between The Allies and Germany (World War I) was signed on November 11th at 11:11. The "war to end all wars" wasn't really; so much for the power of 11:11. In some ways this may be comforting if a person considers that the whole "end of our world" thing that's suppose to happen on December 21, 2012 is to happen at, you guessed it, 11:11. In binary code 1111 represents the number 15 which just another bit of trivial information unless you're into that kind of thing.

It's the last bit of that paragraph that leads me to the rest of my blog today; technology. Well, the last bit and the residue from watching "The Social Network."

Here's the deal. I spend way too much unproductive time on my computer. I do this while smoking. I do this at the expense of my health. I ignore other activities that need my attention and efforts. While I'm not saying that writing this blog is completely unproductive, sometimes it is. Facebook is definitely a "Time Suck." Computer games while mentally challenging produce no money nor any real benefits, so they fall into the "Time Suck" category, too. All three activities are forms of escape for me with my blog being at lest somewhat productive because it at least I'm writing something every day. I consider both Facebook and the computer games I play to be a form of Mental Masturbation. The computer games are pure escape and a way for me to "be by myself in a meditative state", or so I tell myself; which is a load of bullshit. While it is great to keep up with friends from days past and places far away, Facebook is losing its appeal for me. I keep thinking, "There was a time before Facebook."

After watching the FICTIONALIZED story of Mark Zuckerburg's rise to billionaire status last night, I was struck by many things; but one of the most notable was that "This thing is addicting" and "A drug dealer couldn't give away free drugs at this rate." Aaron Sorkin is a brilliant writer. Those two lines are among many, many gems in "The Social Network." They are cutting like diamonds.

For a person who struggles with addiction issues personally and through a long family history, I have to wonder if Facebook is adding to the quality of my life or if it is taking away much of my life; or I should say, "Is my choice to spend so much time on Facebook ....." I acknowledge that I spend too much time on Facebook; and that, it really isn't adding to my productivity. This leads me to thoughts about what choice to make for my future which I'm still mulling over. At the least, I will be modifying and reducing the time I am on Facebook. At the most, I will be closing my account and leaving Facebook. I'm still thinking.

Another part of the movie that caught my ear was that there was a "coolness factor" that involved NOT having advertising on Facebook in the beginning. Well, that's changed. In fact, many of the posts I see, including mine, are some sort of self promotion. It is a "FREE" venue for self promotion, now. Shoot, the Dalai Lama even has a Facebook page, or at least his representatives are keeping one for him reporting his activities. Does the Pope have a Facebook page? I think the "coolness factor" has disappeared. At least it has for me.

It has given rise to immediate reporting of events and news articles and lent itself to information sharing that has played a part in history as evidensed by the amount of news I've gathered through Facebook about the Wisconsin protests for example. Facebook is a tool for "mass marketers" simply because of the number of people who are members. Facebook is a tool. Remember that derogatory comment from days gone past? Being a "tool" was not a good thing and probably still isn't. Again, I think and continue to re-evaluate.

I have to mention that I've had a tumultuous relationship with Facebook. I've added and dropped friends. My Blocked List is longer than my Friends list now. This tells me a lot. I am not "Friends" with my best friend in the area, nor am I friends with my children, other members of my immediate family, and a whole slew of other people with whom I have "real" relationships.

Speaking of which, Big Girl and Little One just arrived. We're headed to the Children's Museum! What a great surprise! Off to live my REAL LIFE!

Thus endeth the eleventh post until The End.

A Dozen Reasons

I've just finished watching "The Social Network" and am filled with thoughts. This is exactly what a movie is supposed to do. Even that raunchy little comedy with a heart, "Cedar Rapids", left me thinking. The one thing that is common among the thoughts is my love for film as an art form. It combines so many art forms. When it's done right, as in the case of these two very different films, it is all I need for breakfast, lunch, dinner and any snacks in-between. Film is my favorite art form.

1. It takes collaboration.
2. It combines art forms.
3. It is tangible, as in; you can hold the film in your hand.
4. Music
5. Lighting
6. Acting
7. Every subject under the sun can be presented in some form.
8. Dance
9. A whole group of people showing up each day and working together.
10. Messages
11. Writing
12. Escape

Those are just the brief beginning dozen reasons I love film. Like I said, maybe some day I'll write more about it all; but for now I'm just catching up on my blog posts again. I want to finish this thing on April 7, 2011.

I'm off to think some more while listening to Aaron Sorkin give his commentary on "The Social Network." Man, I love DVDs with Special Features. I eat them up. You'd think I'd be losing more weight than I am. Bad joke, I know.

TTFN Tigger!

#13 - Forgive Yourself

Not much to say really. I went to work this morning, stopped by Toys R Us and the grocery store afterwards, came home, unloaded groceries, made a surprise for Big Girl and Little one on the frig with letter and number magnets, drank a lot of raspberry lemonade, finally laid down and watched "Red." That's just about everything.

Think I'll head back to bed and watch "The Social Network" and "Despicable Me." My left foot hurts pretty badly. If I rest now, I can be up early in the morning to clean and get ready for another visit with Big Girl and Little One.

Sounds good to me. Sounds great to me.

So endeth the 13th post til the end. Thirteen (13), my kids lucky number. God Bless my kids and their kids and their loves. I am a better person because of my kids, or so I tell myself. Guess I'll believe it and see what the power of grandchildren does. So far, grandchildren are proving to have the same affect on me; I am a better person than I was even yesterday. Of course, I choose to continue to improve myself; the children and grandchildren are just a happy excuse. I think I've discovered a bit of my core; my purpose in life. Not so unique, huh.

Sweet Dreams, All. We're down to "The Dirty Dozen", now. The Baker's Dozen is done. Remember, Jesus forgave Judas. Thirteen isn't such a bad lucky number if you remember that it's all about forgiveness, huh. Go forgive someone; why not start with yourself.

14th Post Until the End

This is the fourteenth post before the end of this blog in its current form. Fourteen is a special number to me simply because once upon a time when I was a little girl, I won two cakes by landing on the number fourteen twice during an elementary school fundraising Cake Walk. Some memories in life stay with a person, and the memory of winning something twice certainly stayed with me. Of course, it was so much sweeter because I won cake; two cakes. I remember that I got to pick the cakes after each win. With my first win, I picked a cake with chocolate frosting, of course. The second time I picked a cake with white frosting that was shaped like a bunny. For this reason, I think the fundraiser must have been held some time before Easter which means it was right around this time of year. My parents were flabbergasted that I had won two cakes. They tried to convince me to give one away. Of course this wouldn't do, and I successfully convinced my parents to transport our family and my two cakes home that evening. I also remember that even though the bunny cake had coconut on it that I liked it very much. We ate lots of cake for the next few days. I was very, very happy.So you see, fourteen is a special number for me. It is twice seven; thus, making it twice as lucky, literally.

In two weeks I will have decided if I will continue writing this blog. If I decide to continue writing it, I will have decided what shape it will take for the future. At this time I have not decided. I'm leaning towards stopping all together for a while or forever. If this is the case, I will still be writing for a portion of each day, though. I think my writing will be more personal and aimed at documenting portions of my life for my children and grandchildren. I also think that it may be more professional with a goal of earning a bit of money. The latter scares me, still; but off to the library I will go to finally do that research I need to do on query letters, publications, and publishing. We'll see, I suppose.

My mind, like many people's minds, is a goofy creature. I associate strange things with odd events sometimes. For example, with Kentucky beating Ohio State in this year's NCAA tournament, I am reminded of my children's paternal great-grandmother because she was from Kentucky. She didn't like me from the first day that she saw me. I ended up taking care of her for a year and a half and during all that time she was only nice to me one day. More correctly, she was only nice to me one day in all the years that I knew her. I thought that she probably had a stroke. Still with all of those memories, one of the things I remember is that she was fierce and loved her grandchildren. My goofy mind thinks that maybe she smiled down from Heaven or up from Hell and helped to grant me just one simple request because it suited her desires, too; a Kentucky win over Ohio State. It's simply fantastical to think this way, yet it amuses me. In some way, I can sort of forgive her for being such a miserably nasty person and have some pity on her as a result of this win and my imaginings. Like I said, my mind is goofy some times, but I go with it and laugh quite a bit as a result most of the time.

Part of my goofy mind's behavior pattern isn't as silly. It is downright disturbing, and I'm working to retrain my goofy mind. Since I've given it so much reign (pun intended), it is a bit difficult to redirect the more disturbing aspects of self-loathing and berating that is common place. It's an exercise in throwing out the bathwater and not the baby for certainly the happy, silly behavior that my goofy mind engages in is of more value than even I realize. The going is tough. My goofy mind is a worthy adversary in this area. Still I persist and have gained some ground in convincing my goofy mind that life and "we" will be far better off if a few bad behaviors are eradicated. I may be gaining a very strong ally. At least this is the goal.

Sometimes I feel like an arbitrator trying to bring my mind, body and spirit together. They have been at war or not talking for a long time, as I recently discovered, so this process is sometimes tedious, disappointing and frustrating. At other times the process is like talking to preschoolers after a disagreement which I did gently, compassionately, educationally, and focused on everyone getting along in the end. My more productive times of reunification are achieved with compassion, patience and understanding. Even when various parts resist my attempts, I proceed forward in a steadfast way. I feel as though I'm on some sort of gentle and firm military campaign; each bit of ground gained is staunchly held and plans are made to gain more ground, hold it, and gain supporters along the way. I guess this could be likened to other types of campaigns, but military is what comes to mind for me. It's a military process that does not include propaganda, nor does it include violence. I suppose a more accurate metaphor would be Gandhi's campaign for a free India and the Civil Rights Movement that Martin Luther King, Jr. led. I am looking for civil rights and freedom through unification of my mind, body and spirit. I've gained a lot of ground and have more ground to gain to achieve my goals.

So that's a bit of my goofy mind's analytical side. I spend a lot of time with my goofy mind. I'm very conscious of all parts of my being these days which is why I will now end my fourteenth post ramblings and go eat something before I leave for the evening. Have a wonderful night.

"On the First Day of Spring Break..."

LOL & OMG! I just had the best time! Went to see "Cedar Rapids" with a friend who always makes me laugh. She inspires me, motivates me, and grounds me, too. Besides all that, she likes "stupid" comedies! Yippee! Thanks for getting together with me, Young! I always have a great time with you. Here's to many more!

I highly recommend "Cedar Rapids." I'm not going to go into the whole "movie critic" bit except to mention that it stars John C. Riley, Sigourney Weaver, and one of the guys from "The Office" ... and more, of course. Great cast. I happened upon it because I had no interest in seeing any of the other movies playing now. It was the only one that even slightly peaked my interest. Man, did I/we hit the jackpot. Awesomely funny - and it has heart, too. Go see it if you like bawdy, ribald, slice-o-life, "stupid humanistic humor. It rocked my world tonight. It was a great way to end a wonderful day. (Since I added a link about Lent, here's the link to the Fox Searchlight "Cedar Rapids" homepage)

"Cedar Rapids"

Also a "shout out" to GL for getting me to yoga class today. It was great to take a yoga class with my daughter. If it hadn't been for her, I would've blown it off. Had a great class and hit Plow Pose for the first time in years. Absolutely Fab, Darlings. Thank you, thank you, thank you GL for spending a wonderful day with me. I sure hope we get to take more yoga classes together. That was just terrific.

While I'm at it, a "shout out" to BB for feeding me tonight. Kudos to you, BB! Chicken Pesto sandwich was yummilious!

To all the people who called me today - WOW! It was great talking to you all. Keep it up, and I'll do the same. It was wild how much my phone rang today. Thanks for thinking of me and letting me know. Love you!

Here's to Spring Break and my many friends and acquaintances who are traveling. Safe journeys, People. See you when you get back.

I'm going to thoroughly enjoy my Stay-cation. Looking forward to keeping the Spring Break ball rolling along as delightfully as it started out today! 1 WEEK of ME-TIME! YIPPEE! Whew. ... and I was worried I wouldn't make it.

Here's to fun. Simple, genuine fun. It's so nice to know that I can still laugh and enjoy life "no matter what." Oh, and a part of it is spreading the joyfulness to anyone who will take it. I did my good deeds today and was also the recipient of other's good deeds. I'm enjoying the "circle of life" thing. Gives me enough energy to face the tough times and decisions.

(contented sigh - chuckle)

Sweet dreams, All.

(another contented sigh)

OH! ... AND I've lost eight (8) pounds! Whoo Hoo! All I'm doing is cutting out soda, sweets, and fast food. I started on the Thursday after Ash Wednesday (March 10, 2011), so that has been two (2) weeks. Nice stable weight loss. Just what I like to see.

I've been telling everyone that I'm pretending to be Catholic for Lent. So far, it's a great bit of pretending that is producing great results. Who knew "being Catholic" could be so fun? :D

Here's a link on other things that can be given up and actions that can be taken:

The Holy Season of Lent

I see at least one that I'm going to have to do. Not quite sure how to approach it, but I'm sure it will come to me.

First things first, though. Tonight I go to bed, make sure my alarm is turned off, and sleep until I wake up ... which will probably be 5:30am if tradition holds. No worries. The point is to get up when I feel like it and do what I feel like doing when I feel like doing it which does include going somewhere special at 5:45pm.

(yet ANOTHER contented sigh)

AM Abstract

In a few moments my home will be filled with laughter and joy. Filled with anticipation, I sit waiting like almost every Monday and Thursday morning. I live for these bi-weekly visits. Every visit is good. Every visit adds insight. Every visit is fun. What will we do today?

Last night after class was over, I was too hungry and "head-achey" to do anything but eat and go to bed. I even woke up in the middle of the night with a raging, burning headache. I don't know why, but I suspect that the lack of caffeine and food had something to do with it. Three ibuprofen solved the problem, and this morning I'm feeling pretty good.

Yesterday I did have one experience that I don't want to forget. I was driving up to school and did my usual, "Visualize Parking" experiment. I "vision" of a white car and a blue car in the first row by the theatre popped into my head, so I went with it. Pulling into the school parking lot, I drove towards the first row looking for white cars. As I drove down the first row of parking by the theatre, I saw a brilliantly white car. There was my empty parking space. There was a big red truck on the other side of it, but I figured that like most "visions" I only "saw" a bit of the picture; so of course, I pulled in and parked. As I thanked "the Forces that Be" and chuckled to myself, I looked in my rear view mirror; there was the back of the blue car bright as could be. I chuckled more and shook my head. It was a vivid experience.

I love when things like this happen. I had to call BB to "share." When we talked later, I asked him if anything like that ever happens to him. He confirmed that things like that happen to him. I'm glad. I hope everyone has little bits of experiences like this more often than not. They're a part of what makes life magical.

Day Off

Well, I took another day off. It was a conscious choice. I decided to finish a scarf for SA and made a little beanie for Little One instead of writing.

I had a busy, productive enjoyable day. Got to spend some time with GL besides all else.

We had a wonderfully weird experience on our way to lunch. We went to an old hangout because GL wanted cheese fries. Amazingly, we found parking right in front of our old haunt, so we considered this to be a sign. We walked in, looked around, read the menu and discovered that our old haunt was gone; it was now a healthy barbecue place. We didn't want to eat at the healthy barbecue place and were shocked that a community institution had disappeared without our knowledge. We left. As we drove down the street, GL saw the name of our old haunt at a new location. Amazingly again, we found parking immediately. We also considered this a sign. We couldn't stop laughing while we walked in. We were so relieved and overjoyed to discover that our old haunt was alive and well in a new location. It had changed, but the owner was working the order area and talkative as ever. He's a Badgers fan, too. I was wearing my Badgers Rose Bowl hoodie, so we started talking all things Wisconsin. Another customer even chimed in that he remembered having a wild weekend in my hometown which I told him was pretty typical and chuckled. With cheese fries for GL and veggie burgers for both of us, we headed to a table and had a very nice lunch discussing our classes. It was a very nice lunch.

Later I headed to my group session only to discover that it had been cancelled. I was bummed and decided to go "furniture shopping." I don't really have any money for furniture, but I hope that something in a Clearance room will be affordable and the right piece. I found a lovely chair and ottoman for $250 in one store and a love seat in a matching color in another, but neither was in the Clearance room; and both don't fit in my budget. It was a nice escape, though.

While I was at the second store, SA called and asked if she could come over to our house even though BB was working. She's so silly. I've told her over and over again that she can go to our house anytime she feels like it. She knows how to get in, and I trust her completely. I'm always happy to spend a some time with her, or at least provide a quiet space for her to get away to. Of course I told her that she was welcome; and that, I would be home shortly.

When I got home, I didn't want to read, write, spend time on the computer, or do anything but knit or crochet. I thought I might finally start the finishing work on Little One's baby blanket, but instead I responded to GL's comment about the yarn I used on a scarf I hadn't finished. I decided to finish it for her the way she wanted it finished. It was easy. SA had to get her rest, so she left before I finished it; but it is ready for her now. Well, almost ready. I have to sew in two strands of yarn.

Since I had a bit of yarn left over, I started playing with that, and my playing turned into a small beanie. It's big on Ziggy, but cute to see on his head. I have no idea if it will fit Little One, but if it doesn't, I'll take a look at it and figure out how to add on to it or make it a doll hat or something.

So after all my activity during my day, I ended up staying up way too late crocheting. It was fun and creative. It felt great to do something just for me and the people I love. It felt great not to write.

Mission Accomplished

A fitting end to a very long day is a very short post.

Happy to report that all scheduled activities were successfully mastered. Started out this morning not sure I would be able to check everything off my list, so I took each activity one at at time. The system worked. I now have two happy girls, a Career Counselor, three happy dogs, an approved Flaneur piece, a happy classmate, a memory of a serendipitous meeting, all the benefits of a great yoga workout, another memory of a serendipitous meeting, a Psychological Counselor, and a belly full of burrito and sixty four ounces of water. I started going at 5:30am and got home about twenty five minutes ago. Sixteen hour day is done.

To bed I go. Sweet dreams, All.

Sunday's Report

Spent the day researching music for my Flaneur piece. Six hours to be exact. Sometimes I overdo it. In this case, I heard a lot of music and have many options. We'll see how it all pans out. From Booker T & the MGs to George Winston to Ricki Lee Jones to The Chieftans to Grieg to Adam Ant and more, I've listened to a ton of music to put with my footage of the stable. I'm still excited about it all. I better get my proposal written.

After all the hours spent in my own little music world, I took a break, ate and watched the stupidest documentary I've ever watched, "Paul McCartney is Really Dead." You can definitely skip this piece of shit.

I've got an extremely busy and fully scheduled day tomorrow that includes meeting with a Career Counselor, my first individual therapy session, and taking a friend to a class field trip location. There's a lot of other stuff included that requires that I leave the house at 6:45am and keep running until around 9pm. Oh lucky me. Argh.

At least I've been pretty restful all day. I'm feeling a bit better. The oscillococcinum is working. I'm going to hit the sack early; so that, I'm still in better shape for my busy day.

I'm going to get ready for tomorrow. Have a great week, All.

SMASH Guile, CEDE Bite - A Poem ... and more

SMASH Guile, CEDE Bite

It went by like a flash
Included one clash
Made my teeth gnash
Wanted something to smash
Or at least to bash
Cried through wetted lash
Because he made a dash

Ignored it for a while
Absorbed all my bile
Soon began to smile
Forgave his guile
For taking a mile
Cleaned up the pile
And switched the dial

Got the help I need
He did a good deed
I'm glad he agreed
Allowed himself to cede
Followed my lead
Fueled my creative seed
For editing video steed

It's time to say, "Good Night"
Forget our silly fight
We're good at making light
We bark, but we don't bite
Now we're tight
Forgiven the slight
And reached a new height

Yeah, it's a pathetic poem, but it does tell a bit of a story about today. It's the best that I can do after ten hours of logging and capturing video for my Flaneur piece. I did it, though - with help from my Two Tutors. I am grateful and relieved.

Sweet dreams, All. I'm headed back to bed. Been feeling like Ca-Ca Doodle Doo all day. Still have sore throat, aches, and headache; but at least I got some editing done.

It doesn't take much energy to sit and cut up clips for .... TEN HOURS! Gees.
OK, so only eight hours were spent cutting up clips. One hour was spent doing the Batch Capture, and another hour was spent organizing the one hundred and sixteen clips. (rolls eyes) ... and I'm worried that I need more footage or different footage? Goodness. This is for a five to eight minute piece, mind you. I wanted "extra" footage for overlaying sound and video and doing multi-frame edits. You know, like window panes and split screens. I still have to figure out how to put words in and make them move. One step at a time. One step at a time.

OK, now I go rest my weary head and back and arms and neck and tuchus and hair and fingers and ... oh yeah, eyes.

Good Night and Good Luck.

Too Good It's Friday!

OK, so it's Friday night. I am tired. I'm a little fluish, but I'm taking the "silly stuff" (oscillicocinum) to prevent a full flu from descending on me.

Some good news:

1. I picked up my Financial Aid check and deposited it.
2. I got a bike for Big Girl. It's a hand-me-down that needs training wheels and is purple, yellow and red.
3. I have resisted all my cravings for sweets, soda and fast food.
4. I handed in my paperwork to have our rent adjusted.
5. I got to take a nap.
6. I'm going to go knit or sleep, but probably knit. I have the urge.

That's it for now. It's an obligatory post, but at least there's a bunch of good news like I got the toilet unclogged and cleaned up.

Take care, Everyone.

So Much Time

How is it that I can come home and disappear into my computer? Hours pass and it seems like minutes. The only thing that gives me any solace is that my time is not spent dilly-dallying around. I really am doing school work, writing, researching, or following a creative thread somewhere wonderful most of the time. I do play computer games and check in on Facebook, but for the most part these days my time on the computer is spent looking up something for some project. Still, how do hours seem like minutes? It's the strangest sensation.

My big news for tonight is that I'm pretty sure I'm doing my Flaneur piece on the horses because I've discovered that there was a famous stud stallion named Flaneur. He is quite famous and has contributed to the Australian Warmblood horse line with two distinct types of horses, Holsteiner and Ta-something ... I think. I'm still researching it all.

I also found a great quote about being a Flaneur that references horses, so that will be good to pop in with graphics. I'm now thinking graphics and more shot selections.

I've had a busy, school-oriented evening after a wonderful day. I really do think it is time to go to bed now. I've spent another 180 minutes on the computer after I said I was going to bed. Don't know how it happened, but it did. Besides, my body is telling me that I need to do things that can not be done while sitting and typing.

So much time, and yet, it wasn't a waste.

Warm Weather Well-Being

Today was absolutely gorgeous. It was so nice outside that I did some yard work. Picked up a bunch of branches and did some raking. You know, the usual Spring Clean-Up kinda thing.

Of course I did more good deeds. I'm liking the habit of doing good deeds. Still making me feel great. Today's good deed consisted of giving a couple rides and doing a little babysitting.

I woke up without any pain this morning which was a welcome surprise. Yesterday my knee, leg and back started burning, tingling, and sending shooting pains all over the place. I don't know what I did to them, but they made their displeasure so known that I didn't go to school because sitting and driving was just too painful. So you can see why waking up this morning without any pain was a very beautiful thing.

Got to see Big Girl and Little One today. They were fantastic, of course. Poor Little One had dried up boogers all up inside her nose, so MeeMa had to get out the sucky thing and a warm wash cloth which made Little One cry. I'm sure her nose felt better, though.

GL, Big Girl and I went outside to play, too. Big Girl wore the play clothes I bought for her. The pants are gray and much better for playing outside than the beautiful turquoise pants she wore over to the house. I'm tickled that I found something for her to get dirty in. We had fun. MeeMa Monster chased Mommy and Big Girl until they hid in the invisible cave, the invisible tunnel and the invisible volcano. They sure could disappear quickly. All good fun in our yard in the beautiful weather.

Much to my surprise, BB took video of Big Girl and Little One. He's already edited it together along with a song from "The Life Aquatic." It's great, and the music fit serendipitously with the footage. It's so nice when a project comes together easily and sweetly like this one. It's really pretty funny.

It's been a good night. It was 8:45pm before I poked my head up from my computer to see that BB was busy finishing up his editing. Kinda nice to be sitting with the windows open, enjoying the weather and playing with our own projects in our office.

I was doing a bit of research and looking at the footage I shot today at the stable. I didn't want to shoot new footage for my Flaneur project but took the camera to the stable today as a back-up plan. Flaneur means "stroller" in French. It's a style of filmmaking. The concept is to take the audience to a location and immerse them in it as though they are taking a stroll through it; to be a part of it, yet separate. I think I have that right. Well, taping a few riding lessons, strolling through the stables, playing with the cats, the rooster, the hen and horses seemed to be just what I needed. We'll see how good it is. I can always shoot more footage. I wonder if I can have the camera over Spring Break. I haven't taken any stills, yet though. Flaneur can include still photography, too.

Anyway, it was fun to shoot, so I guess I owe my instructor a huge apology on Monday. I've been a whiny diva too many times already this semester. Don't know where it came from, but Demon Diva reared her ugly head this semester, and I'm really rather baffled by it all. Well, not completely. I know how her cage was unlocked. I was told that I wouldn't have to shoot footage for Digital Editing, and every assignment has included a shooting element to it. I'm working on letting it all go. It's getting easier especially after days like today.

Just a nice, playful, creative day has been greatly appreciated. I'm off to watch "The Mentalist" and get some ZZzzzz's. Might as well end on a high note.

The Beauty of Doing Good Deeds

It is officially Wednesday, March 16, 2011. We have all survived the Ides of March. Congratulations!

My day was pretty OK. Got a lot done.

I told a bunch of childhood stories to a captive and appreciative audience prodded on with comments like "go on", "you were saying" and "OK, finish your story." It was great to have a new audience especially since she reacted so well to my stories. She laughed and grimaced right on cue. That made me feel pretty good. In fact, I think I amused her so well that when it came to playing Foos Ball, we just played a very non-competitive version. She usually takes great delight in beating me. I stink at Foos Ball. I'm very good at Bumper Pool, though.

I also did a few good deeds along the way today. I knew I was doing one good deed around noon today, but I didn't expect to have it snowball into my own little bit of Heaven.

It started out when I gave a fellow student a ride to school and listened as she told me about her first day of observing classes at a local high school. She's studying to become an English teacher. She was very talkative, and I enjoyed hearing about all the different classes that she observed. She observed English, Math, and Science classes. It was fun to share her enthusiasm.

After I dropped my fellow student off at school, I stopped at a flower shop before my group therapy session and found a bunch of wallet cards with inspirational sayings geared towards women. I bought a few, put them in envelopes, and had my group mates each pick an envelope. Everyone was pleased. They were even more pleased when they discovered that not all the cards were the same. Each woman got a different card and felt as though each card was perfectly suited to what they were going through in the moment. I was hoping it would turn out that way. I sat and shuffled the envelopes during the beginning of group thinking about what each person was saying and hoping that my surprise would give them not only a smile, but also something that they can refer to when they're feeling low, troubled, or doubtful. It's hard to move confidently forward after years of being beaten down be it physically or psychologically. I'll have to dig in my bag and pick on for me, too, I suppose. I wonder which one I'll get.

After group I stopped at Walmart (My Secret Shame - so many issues about shopping at Walmart, but continue to shop there, I do) to see if I could find a Peace Sign backpack like the one I have for school because my Sunday School co-worker told me that her daughter loves Peace Signs; and that, she would pay me back if I found one. Unfortunately, I didn't find a backpack with Peace Signs on it, but I did find a little purse that only cost three dollars; I bought it.

I also figured out that Big Girl and Little One will be at our house on St. Patrick's Day, so I looked for something green for them to wear. I was pretty successful. I found matching sweatsuits in gray, pink and green and added matching long-sleeved shirts with two kitties on the front and "Made You Smile" written on them; the long sleeves have hearts on them, too. I never thought I'd be a matchy-matchy kinda person, but the prices were right; and well, what the heck. Maybe it's rather rare to find outfits in the right sizes that fit my budget and the occasion. Might as well grab the opportunity and see what happens. I also found a Tinker Belle shirt for Little One and a Tiana outfit for Big Girl. Everything was on the Clearance racks, of course. I added four pairs of pants that only cost a dollar each; two dark green pairs, a turquoise pair for Little One and a hot pink pair for Big Girl. As I was leaving, I saw a couple of green outfits that were only six dollars each, so naturally I bought those, too. The green outfits don't match, but they go together nicely. They have short sleeves, so maybe they'll be for Easter. I don't know. What I do know is that both GL and I hold green as our favorite color, so might as well get something green for the girls to wear.

I did get myself a treat during all of this; a "How to Train Your Dragon", 3-D backpack for only ten dollars. I couldn't resist. Besides, everything that I bought of the three girls fit inside of it, so I didn't have to use any plastic bags. Ta Da! I don't exactly know what I'll do with that backpack. Maybe I'll pack it away and save it as an investment. Maybe I'll use it for school to lighten my load some days. Maybe I'll just play with it. Maybe I'll keep treasures in it. Maybe I'll keep the "How to Train Your Dragon" blanket in it. The possibilities are endless, and I can't stop smiling.

When I finally got home, I discovered that my new house key doesn't work. Figures. I was the one who bought the locks for the side and front doors and had them re-keyed; so that, they would both open with the same key. As far as I know everyone else's keys work. I had to chuckle while I walked back to my car to get my phone; so that, I could call BB and wake him up.

I also discovered that the recycling hadn't been put on the curb, so I had to get BB up, not only to let me in the house, but to bring down our recycling. It's getting to the point that if we don't take it out once a week that it is overflowing by week two. We share our bins with our downstairs neighbors, and I'm happy to report that this is a committed, recycling household. Unfortunately, even though BB and I tried to be very, very quiet; we managed to wake up our neighbors's baby. Oops.

So that's been my day. I had no idea that I would end up doing so many good deeds when I woke up this morning. It sure felt good. It's a great example of taking life by the reigns and living it the way I want to. With all the serious news I've been keeping up with lately, I was getting mighty down. Today was a fine example of continuing to live a good life no matter what. I'm going to count this as my contribution to balance in the universe.

It's going to take a lot of good people doing good deeds to balance out all the silliness that is going on. It's one thing to have leaders wreak havoc on our world. It's so very humbling when Mother Nature rears up and makes her power known. I'm not very unique in my realizations or observations about how to live life; in fact, I'm really rather slow. I'm starting to think this is a part of the aging process, and I'm really digging it. It all kind of reminds me of a couple of things my parents used to tell me:

1. If you go looking for shit, you'll probably find it.
2. If I had known at thirty what I know at fifty, I would've mellowed out a lot.

The only thing that I've really learned through my life is that when I am focused on helping others, I am a happier person. So here's to spreading some joy and thinking of others; be they human or any of our other co-inhabitants on this sphere we call home. Here's to remembering we're all in this together. Here's to preserving a happy and healthy habitat.

If Women Ruled the World :D

We've all heard the quote, "If women ruled the world there would be no more wars." Can't say that I agree entirely since woman are just as diverse as men, but in the spirit of passing on some levity; here are some amusing quotes that I found. Can't say I find them hysterical, but they did make me smile and even chuckle in a wry sort of way.

15 Hysterical Quotes: If Women Ruled the World

On a More Serious Note - News from Around the World

The following links provide a bit of reading about some of the more serious issues facing our world these days. Certainly not all issues are presented, but these are a few of the things that I tend to keep up with on a daily basis these days. Just lets you know that I'm not entirely self-absorbed. What it doesn't let you know is that I do spend a good deal of time seeking out the positive in life. Balance is key. Besides, with all the reports of bad news, I am working on not rolling over and just giving up. I am inspired by the people who continue to get up each day and struggle to change their worlds for the better while facing life threatening and life changing situations. Here's to the people fighting to make our world a better place; they are my heroes.

Japan PM: Radiation Leaking From Damaged Plant

Qadaffi Forces Start a Major Assault

The Zimbabwe Situation

Michigan Bill Would Impose "Financial Martial Law"

Wisconsin GOP Suspects Democrats Will Flee Again

On International Women's Day: The Good, Bad and Really Bad News

I didn't post yesterday because I spent three and a half hours visiting with an old friend. I think we both enjoyed the opportunity to spend some time together, vent and just hang out. We're both very busy parents with adult children. It was nice to reconnect and talk about "stuff" with someone my own age with similar experiences and views of our world. It was 11pm by the time I got home. I was hungry and tired, so naturally I ate and went to bed.

Today I've got another busy schedule, so I'm off to be responsible. Have a wonderful day in the face of adversity. Keep fighting the good fight. Peace be with you all.

27 - Make that 26 - More Posts to Go!

Just checked my numbers and found that this is post #339. We'll count this as Sunday's Post. In less than a month, I'll be done writing this blog the way it's been written for the past (almost) year. I think this is a very good thing. I've come to the conclusion that very few people are actually reading it, that it's visited mainly by bots; and that, I can do better with my writing time. All in all these are not bad conclusions. They are just conclusions that will lead me in a new direction. Actually, the best part of this blog is that I actually sit down and write something everyday for me. I am looking forward to April 7th, though. I'll have to do some thinking about everything that I've learned. Seems like it's just about time to start recapping this past year.

I've never kept a journal or diary, so this has been a first. It's also a good marker of what I can accomplish page-wise in a year's time should I decide to write something more substantial. Of course, seeing as this is free-form writing and not focused on one subject; it may not be a good indicator of what I could do if I sat down to write a few short stories, a book and/or a screenplay. I don't know. Maybe part of the process is just deciding to make the time every day to write something.

I'm babbling again. I do that. I'm feeling a bit scared, a bit confused, a bit ambivalent, and mostly sore because I've spent way too much time on the computer today.

I was researching how to start my first serious garden and our local political campaigns. I was also working on my video project. Of course, I played too many computer games, too. I did learn a lot, so it wasn't a waste of a day. I also got to talk to an old friend for almost an hour, and that was very, very nice.

My goal for Sunday is Sunday School, Yoga, T'ai Chi Chih, homework, laundry, cleaning and no computer. "Can she do it?" I guess we'll find out.

That's really about it. It's been a peaceful day. The clocks are set ahead for Daylight Savings Time. My thoughts have been in Wisconsin, Michigan, New Mexico, Japan, and right here in my own community.

There's a lot of troubling stuff going on in the world today. I suppose there's a lot of good stuff going on, too. Maybe it's not as bad as I perceive it to be, but maybe it's worse. I just don't know. There's a lot of change and turmoil.

I wonder what kind of world my granddaughters will grow up in. I wonder if there will be a world for them to grow up in. It's pretty bleak, yet it's been peaceful; and I feel rested.

Guess that's a good thing. I have a lot to do tomorrow.

Here's to better days for everyone in the world. Guess I'll focus on sending lots of positive energy everywhere. We all need lots of love and understanding these days.

Sweet dreams, Everyone. Hang in there and think good thoughts.

Happy Birthday, Roomie!

Today is my college roommate's birthday. Like other birthday tribute posts, this post is dedicated to my college roommate and the coincidence that brought us together; one of the best bits of coincidence to ever happen.

I could go on and on about about how wonderful my college roommate was and is, so I'll just try to stick to the main point; sometimes life brings someone into your life that you're not expecting who turns out to be a lifelong friend that you trust completely.

I'm a very lucky person to have this experience with my friend. She has always been a voice of reason; calming and reassuring. She's always had a wicked sense of humor. She is kind, smart and practical. She is the calm in the storm who has overcome a few obstacles and gone on to find the love of her life. She knows how to survive gracefully.

I am forever in her debt, though I'm sure she has no idea to what degree and all the reasons that I hold her in my heart forever. She's just better than anyone I imagined would walk into our dorm room that day. I'm a very lucky person because I got to live with her, travel with her, hang out with her, and keep in touch with her throughout all these years. I hope everyone has at least one friend like this in their lives.

:D

Yep. Today's been a pretty darn good day.

While not the #1 Best Part of Today, I'd have to say that meeting with my Digital Editing instructor was pretty awesome for a whole variety of reasons; but mainly that he is allowing me to use the Log House footage that I shot in 2003 instead of shooting new footage. We talked conceptual and practical ideas for my Flaneur piece, and I am happy again. You know how much easier it is to create when you're happy, right? Yeah, I'm over-the-moon happy with this development.

Other wonderful things happened today, too; but I'm going to leave a few in the percolator for a while. They're "works in progress."

I'll leave by simply saying that I had seven great in person and/or over the phone exchanges today. BB, SA and I just ended an hour of conversation covering film making, professors, ethics, sociology, the law and being a lawyer that had us rolling. Picture if you will.... Will Ferrell starring in the remake of "Citizen Kane." You have now envisioned SA's worst nightmare.

Big Girl huged and kissed me so many times today while she told me, "I missed you, MeeMa." She then ran off to get her shoes and socks saying, "I"m going to run fast like a potato!" She ran out of the room making BBBBbbbRRRRrrrrOOooooooMMMMmmmm sounds. Cracked GL and me up.

Little One had a huge smile for me today and is still so happy to be walking. I don't think I've ever seen a child happier to be walking. She's a hoot. My knee got a hug from her.

I had a very important phone call with GL, and while it might have been a little tense; progress has been made. Things will get better for everyone.

I also had a wonderful conversation with my mom and my brother about the whole Wisconsin debacle and more stuff. That was nice.

Oh, and big news is that I've decided to start Paralegal Studies in the Fall. I can have a Certificate in two to three semesters because I already have my Bachelor of Arts degree. It feels right. I'm excited. I think I can do some good and support myself doing this kind of work. Who knows, if it turns out really well; I may just go on to Law School. Here's hoping. Who woulda thunk it.

OK, so I ended up telling most everything. That didn't take long, and now it's time for ... wait for it ... "Perry Mason"! Duh. Sometimes I baffle myself with my obtuseness; how long did it take me to decide on Paralegal studies, and how much do I like "Perry Mason"?

OH! ... and I'd like to thank Governor Walker and the Wisconsin Senate Republicans, including Senator Schulz (who was the only dissenting vote) for finally pushing me over the edge of "madness", and making it abundantly clear that, "I'm mad, and I'm not going to take it any more!" I'm jumping into the fray on the side of right! I'm going to spend the rest of my life helping people with my knowledge of THE LAW. I really should go watch "Legally Blonde" now. :D

Erin Brockovich Testing Water in Hinkley - AGAIN!

Below is a link to the first news story that I clicked on today. Please take a moment to read it. Who knows what will be discovered this time.

Erin Brockovich Back in Hinkley Testing Water

Wouldn't it be nice if certain corporations and people obeyed the laws and didn't try to find a way around the laws that are set up to protect our health and safety? Greed really is a powerful force. Here's hoping ... for all of us. If there's anyone who thinks we need less government, maybe the focus should be on the private sector just obeying the laws and doing what's right for our people and environment.

You know, there's chromium in our area water, too. They say it's at safe levels, but who's to say that it will be in the future. Think of just one of the laws that has been introduced in the past month in Wisconsin regarding reducing the requirements and testing for Wisconsin waterways. Are these representatives for real?

Maybe it's all true. Maybe our representatives will line their pockets with money from and be hood-winked by people and corporations who are only out to serve themselves filled with short-term goals of immediate wealth. Whatever the case, I'm just sickened by this news and my heart goes out to the people of Hinkley, California.

... and since I just read this news, my heart goes out to the people in Wyoming, too. Pollution kills, People. Remember?

Wyoming Plagued by Big City Problem: Smog

Learn Sarver Heart Center's Continuous Chest Compression CPR

Please watch this 5 minute, life saving video and pass it on. Let's work together to save lives. Thank you.

Learn Sarver Heart Center's Continuous Chest Compression CPR

March 8, 2011

It is Tuesday. I skipped posting on Monday because I could; I was ahead of my posting goals.

I've entered into an experimental phase for my blog. I've deleted just under half of my Facebook friends, blocked a good many, and am seeing what this does to viewership on this blog. I am pretty certain that very few people are actually reading this thing and have a good idea why this has happened. I've also noted that the posts that have received the most hits either have to do with Thor Hushovd or one particular post titled, ":(." Having my Thor Hushovd posts read by "so many" makes me happy and tells me that cycling and Thor are good subjects for readership. I don't want to write about cycling all the time, though. The ":(" post is very, very short and cryptic. It must be a disappointment for those who read it.

Back to Monday. I was up at 5am and got home from school at around 8pm. I had a very, very full day. It was a good day. I ended my day with a great workout in Yoga and was feeling absolutely giddy. I didn't really want to put any effort into doing anything except being in the moment and enjoying the feelings of peace and joy, so I didn't.

My editing class is progressing, and I like this instructor. I'm meeting with him on Thurday to discuss my next project. I expect a productive meeting that will set me on my way.

I did get to spend some time with Big Girl and Little One on Monday, too. It's amazing what a person can learn from children if they're open to it. We all had a pretty good time.

BB and SA were hard at work on Monday finalizing a script for presentation today. I've got my fingers crossed and am thinking tons of good thoughts for this one.

Back to the deleting and blocking Facebook friends. I didn't do this with any malice. My Blocked List on Facebook is longer than my Friend List. Why? Well, obviously there are people from my past that I don't want knowing my business now. That premise has also influenced the posts on this blog and will be addressed at the end of the year of posting. I've got some interesting people on my Blocked List. I've outright lied to some about my continued presence on Facebook. I'm hoping that they will understand because "It's Just Facebook" and we do talk and see each other in Real Life. Sometimes I block people on Facebook if a situation arises that makes me unhappy or uncomfortable. I exercise my control over my own environment and eliminate the confusing from my Facebook Life. Oh, if only Real Life was that simple. Sometimes the people that I block or delete just get blocked or deleted through no fault of their own or malice on my part. I just do it. I'm not Facebook Friends with my children anymore. I'm only Facebook Friends with two cousins as far as Real Life Family members go. Well, maybe three in the US and a few more very distant cousins overseas. My Facebook Friends consist of mostly girlfriends from my past that live far away, their children, old High School acquaintances, one college classmate, and some people that I share interests with but have never met in person. My relationship with Facebook and Social Media is developing, and I'm taking it slow. I only have a little over fifty friends now after having over two hundred earlier in the year. Over two hundred "friends" is too many for me to "manage" through Social Networking. I can't imagine having over a thousand friends. Oh, and I have been deleted and blocked myself. Not shocking at all.

So if any of you reading this used to be a Facebook Friend and wonder why you aren't any longer; all I can tell you is that change is happening and maybe we had a great conversation in person last night.... or recently.... or I'm thinking loving thoughts for you and yours and will see or talk to you sometime sooner than later. Remember, "It's Only Facebook."

As for the rest of my life, remember, "It's really pretty boring and mundane." Thanks for reading this if you've taken the time, but it's not necessary. The blog in this form will be gone soon enough. I'll be spending my time doing other forms of writing. This has been a very successful, life-transforming experiment for me, so far. I'll go into that more as this thing winds down.

Take care, World. Peace.

Another Sunday School Session

Since I have to be up at "zero-dark-thirty" tomorrow morning, I'm going to make this short. I'm also exhausted and brain-dead, so there is a definite lack of imagination.

Went to the church job today. The church lady was nice, so I'll go back. My co-worker told me that "the church lady" asked her about my time card. "The church lady" didn't ask me about my hours on my time card. Why is the church lady asking my co-worker about my hours? We'll see how long I last at this one. Technically, three red flags have already flown high. I guess I'll see what next week brings. What the Hell.

After the church job, I went to Radio Shack to buy an eight hundred fire wire capture cord before heading up to school. I managed to buy a few other gadgets, too. Nothing major. DVDs were on sale, so I picked up fifty of them, too. Exciting, huh.

I managed to get a rough cut of my editing done thanks to BB's help. I'll have to revisit it tomorrow because I didn't know that a DVD had to be burned before ejecting it in order for the information to be saved. I am in Digital Pre-School. I need every obvious thing mentioned to me and then explained to me. Well, at least I got a rough cut that I'm happy with.

So that was my day. I'm going to head to bed. Tomorrow I'll be gone from around 6:30am until around 7:30pm. The more time I spend out of my home the better I feel.

Of course, I'll be missing seeing Big Girl and Little One, but I have to get used to that because unless something drastic happens I won't be seeing them very much in the future. Their parents don't want me to be alone with them "under the current circumstances." I have no clue what that means, and nobody is explaining it to me. I'm cutting myself off from the whole situation. I love Big Girl and Little One with all my heart, of course; but the current situation is so dysfunctional that I just can't be a part of it. I will continue to meditate, pray, think good thoughts, and all that for all of our futures. It's difficult, but maybe if I work very hard on it all; something will change for the better.

OUT!

It is 8:09am. I am hungry. I am home. I am going to eat breakfast and get on with my day. Too much to do in too little time. I'm already running late just like I figured that I would. I feel like the White Rabbit. That's all, Folks.

Post 331

Only thirty-four more posts to go after this one. That will wrap up my one year of writing something every day. Technically, I'm a couple ahead of the game, and I prefer it this way. I'm planning on doing a bit of analysis on what I've learned; the types of posts that got the most and least attention, my favorite posts and why, and probably the most important bit of learning for me would be what I got out of doing this experiment with regards to writing skills, content, personal transformation, and interpersonal relationships in both the professional and personal arenas. There's probably enough material to write another thirty-four posts just on that, but I also want to wrap up two series and comment about daily life at times, too. Looks like writing the last thirty-four shouldn't be a problem.

So far today:

I woke up to the morning news on the TV at around 5am.

I got up a while later after petting my constant companion, Ziggy.

I went to check my Internet stuff.

BB got up, made coffee, and hit the shower.

My alarm went off.

I turned off my alarm.

I am posting this post and drinking coffee.

My head is filled with loads of thoughts and ideas, but my leg hurts because I walked for about an hour yesterday. I've got a few ideas about how to handle the rest of my day, so I'll leave now and continue to work for positive change in my life and the lives of others. Sincerely.

JOY!

Dear Cuz,

You made me cry again this morning when you sent me that video. I wasn't expecting to see your brother front and center when I opened up the link. It's not often that people get thanked for making someone cry, so if I'm the first, "Here's to setting precedent."

Thank you for reminding me that it's a very special day for many people that I love. You've also made me smile and laugh as a result of your insight and kindness. You knew how much this would mean to me, didn't you.

Did you think that I'd be so awestruck by what you achieved in a few clicks of a mouse or taps and clicks by a couple fingers that I'd write to you? That one I don't know about.

Could I be getting you in trouble with my public expression of gratitude? If I might be getting you in trouble, let me share a bit of the back story for today. It is my hope that the joy that you gave me will outweigh any grumbles that might occur in your neck of the woods.

Before I do that, though, let me just say that the video was perfect and brilliant. The music choice was a surprise and appreciated. The pictures were great and wonderfully edited together. Inspirational to me because I'm headed to a weekend of editing and haven't been looking forward to it. I'm now feeling a little stoked thanks to the creator of that piece. Kudos to her.

As for your brother, who's birthday is today, and who's son's birthday is today; well, they're living even better lives than I dreamt that they would live. Please let them both know that I'm very happy for both of them. That's whenever you see them because I'd like you to give them a huge embarrassing hug in public, too. Kisses would be nice, too. A big, loud, "Happy Birthday!" would be much appreciated, too. If you want to share your letter, feel free.I don't know if they like to read, or not. I figure a good public expression of love from my emissary combined with your letter just might do something wonderful. If you don't want to make a fool of yourself on my behalf, please use your judgement as to how to convey my joy at their success and happiness. I trust you completely.

I've just called to find out how far away Big Girl, Little One, BB and GL are from the house. I've got about ten minutes to wrap this up. Sorry Cuz.... you deserve hours of accolades for who you are and what you've done in your life. I'm so proud to be your cousin. Thank you for keeping in touch with me. You bring such joy to my life. You personify joy to me.

Thank God for the day you entered the world. Love you forever and ever.

---> no time for back story. too much going on now, so later lady <---

Test

I've got a test today in Yoga, so this is it for today's post. Off to study.

"I'll Sleep When I'm Dead"

I've often heard people say, "I'll sleep when I'm dead." I've never embraced their sentiment. Seems silly to me. Seems counter-productive.

Sleep is important to health and happiness. We all know this. The studies have been done. So why the resistance? That's a rhetorical question that I have no desire to understand. I think it's stupid to deprive a body, mind and soul of such a beautiful part of life. I know people talk about doing stuff, creating things, being successful, and everything else that someone might do while awake; I just happen to appreciate my sleep and all the benefits that I gain from respecting this part of my life.

The biggest benefit of sleep for me is dreaming. Certainly being horizontal and relaxed for a good number of hours is beneficial, but it's those dreams that really make it for me. Whether my dreams are "good" or "bad", they are always informative and entertaining. I've learned quite a bit about myself through my dreams. For this reason, I consider my sleep time very productive time. Whether I wake up refreshed, or feel like I've been hit by a truck; I do awaken with some sort of sense of what is going on in my inner world. Many times the revelations are surprising. Many times the revelations are confirmation of what I already know. It doesn't matter.

I suppose my reaction to "Inception" was rather blase (add an accent over that e) because I've had the experience of dreaming through multiple levels. Have any of you ever done this? The link below is one take on Dream Levels.

Dream Levels by Diandra

This next link is the Wikipedia entry on Lucid Dreaming. It's very broad and includes things like False Awakening and Out-Of-Body experiences.

Lucid Dreams

While researching my dream experiences of "waking up" in one dream only to find that I'm still dreaming with a different dream scenario, I discovered terms like "hypnagogia", "hypnopompic", and "false awakening." All were very interesting, and I will leave it to you to do your own research should you feel so inclined.

So in parting, I am a dreamer. I do not think this is detrimental, nor do I think it is derogatory. We've all heard the cast off remark, "You're a dreamer" with the connotation that this is somehow counter-productive.

Could it be that sleep and dreams are their own reward that does not require someone to do something with them? Could sleep and dreams be our own little treat without any obligatory requirements to take action on what we've experienced in the most intimate setting that we can ever imagine? Dreams are the most intimate action we experience in our lifetime because they are communications from our self to our self. Think about it. One may believe that there are outside forces or consciousnesses that can communicate with us during a dream state, and I still offer that all of that is a part of our being. We are more than just our body and mind, after all.

The freedom and safety that can occur during a dream transforms our waking lives, if we let them. If we allow ourselves the same amount of freedom and safety while we are awake, we can love ourselves and others more fully.

It's all a part of the most important Yama, Ahimsa or Non-Violence, in Patanjali's "Eight Limbs of Yoga" in his "Yoga Sutra." If we are to "do no harm", we start by applying this practice to ourselves, thus allowing ourselves to encompass the entire world in loving thought and deed. You see, by criticizing myself or another person for not doing something with their dreams, I defile Ahimsa; and this is even to be accepted and chuckled about. Acceptance of self and life is an aspect of love, just like the dreams that deliver me from the confines of my mortal existence.

If you are interested in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra, I have included the Wikipedia link. The Eight Limbs are found about halfway down the page. They start with the five Yamas, continue with the five Niyamas and go from there.

Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

I've found that studying Yoga is very beneficial to me mentally, physically and spiritually. I am experiencing more peace than ever before in my life. It is also tied in with my love of all forms of dreaming, even the scary. Yoga is more than a physical practice; it is a mental and spiritual practice, as well. We all know that right? When I attained my DREAM of studying Yoga, I had no idea how sweet it would be. Actually doing the poses and breathing with the mindfulness that I had dreamt about is freeing me from doubt and self-loathing. Maybe it's because I "had" to wait so long. Maybe because it's just the right thing at the right time. All I know is that for the very first time, I am free to just dream and am not required to do anything with those dreams if I don't want to. I usually want to, but some are just beautiful experiences for me and nothing more. For the first time in my life I am enjoying just being me. I'm enjoying it so much that I'm standing up for my right to live my life the way I want to and not the way that anyone else may think that I should live my life which includes me and my expectations for myself. Deep relaxing, yogic, three-part breath, Everyone, and ...

Sweet dreams.