Topanga Days

Every year I watch the Oscars is different. I guess it is for everyone, but I, just like many, seem to have key memories related to where I was at the time. One time I was in a psych ward and heard Tim Robbins urge anyone who had been abused to seek help. I cried. I remember Dustin Hoffman taking his time to tell people that winning an Oscar was better than any drug. Gwyneth's pick dress was stunning as she cried during her acceptance speech. Listening to the armchair critics the next day, I was angered. I even heard voices when I read the critiques because everybody had to jump on that bandwagon. Of course, everyone jumped on Cuba Gooding Jr.'s exuberance, too. So many poignant, beautiful moments. I remember Marlon Brando sending up a beautiful Indian activist to accept his Oscar. I particularly remember how beautiful her dress was. I know she talked about injustices Native Americans were facing. The introduction of the word, "Native Americans" has become the norm, now. Growing up the proper term was "Indians."

In any case, I'm so glad that my friend took me to see "Black Swan" before seeing Natalie Portman accept her Oscar. What a role. What a film. See it. Even if you aren't a ballet fan, oh certain family members.

... and it doesn't matter that I haven't seen "The King's Speech" ... excuse me ... "I have a feeling my career has just peaked." ... "I'm afraid I have to warn you" ... and something about being a child phenom.... YEAH! HE WON! Hope he dances at the after parties.

The story that Tom Hooper, Director of "The King's Speech" told was a great story about his mom going to a play reading of "The King's Speech in Australia and calling him to tell him that she thought she'd found his next movie. Silly me, I want to write one of my son's movies or at least provide the story for him to base a screenplay off of. BB can knock out a script in a very short period of time if so inspired.

Picture of the Year - Best Picture - "The King's Speech."

At the beginning of tonight's broadcast, "my union crew" was thanked. I thought of the struggle in Wisconsin and around our nation. Remember, great work environments whether unionized or not, are created by the people in charge. The way they decide to run their business can make or break (pause) people.

Why have I always wanted to work in the film industry? For the times that I've seen it done right. I've had the good fortune to see it done right on a multi-million dollar set and on a no-budget theatre production. As many know, sometimes it's not about the hours or the pay, but when those hours are respected, and the human beings involved are taken care of and work just as hard as the next overcoming daily obstacles; beautiful things happen. When the pay is adequate and the working conditions are great, magic happens. When both are present, well, there's a bit of Heaven on Earth. Now just add horses and family, and you've got just one of Ron Howard's experiences.... and last time I heard him, he called, "Cut. Great job!"

So where do the lovely Topanga Days come in? Well, tonight during the Oscars, I was researching Masters Programs for Creative Writing. I'd been told that Northwestern's program was the best in the country, so I finally did a simple Google Search on "masters programs for creative writing"; Northwestern's program popped up above all the annoying clearing house sites. They've got a good Web Designer. "Topanga Days" is one working title I thought of after I read about the portfolio requirements. It's a broad themed piece all about family and friends during the 1980's in Topanga Canyon and Los Angeles. Struggling "wannabes", afternoon tea, punk high schoolers playing football in the streets, the movie industry, Dudley Moore and Kate (Capshaw) Spielberg make quick appearances, so many toddles that the likelihood that this could actually be made into a movie are slim; yet, the possibilities exist. As short as a story about Zimbabwean tea attended by a Zimbabwean, of course, an Australian, and an American and their children to as long as a story within a story about a group of "former film wannabes" brought back together again to make a movie because the money and creative freedom is too good to pass up; kinda a "That Championship Season" meets "Animal House" meets "General Hospital" on the set kinda thing stealing from Shakespeare, of course, and a bit of "Inception." Whoa. Well, at least I get that comparison as translated to creative non-fiction. I'm thinking a few friends from around the globe might get it or at least be interested, if they read this. Hmmm? LOL

Yeah, yeah. I'm giving in to my sarcasm and "negativity", or is it just facing the reality that if I don't send this post to just about everyone that I want to read this, that the right people won't read it.

I've learned a lot during this time of blogging. I've been tainted by my experiences. I've doubted family, friends and the world during this past ten months as a result of writing this thing. I've regained confidence and bolstered myself. Apparently, I've smoked two cigarettes at the same time while writing this blog. That's a new one.

So, the TV is off because BB has to get some sleep before helping GL tomorrow. I've decided that whatever homework I've got to do will go undone. I've survived another day and dreamed again.

I'm already missing them. Time to check online to relive a few Oscar speeches and see if anyone is streaming the after party stuff Live. Yes, the Oscars are my Superbowl. Every year I get inspired. It may soon die. I may not this time.

"My father always told me that I'd be a late bloomer," said David Siedler, writer of "The King's Speech" screenplay and winner of The Best Original Screenplay of 2011.

"Mom, I forgive you for saying, 'Never put anything in writing" because you said, "Just write the damn children's book already." Not only do I forgive you; you are my inspiration along with so many other fantastically strong, intelligent, and giving women that I've had the good fortune to know during my lifetime. Remembering Kaylynn's last name set me free, and I am forever in your debt. I understand why you didn't write it down. I understand so much more than I've been able to tell you like how important you were and are to me because you gave me the courage and the heart to go out into the world and meet all these amazing people and survive the bad times and guys. You and Dad were adement about giving me wings to fly, and you've survived all the worries of my flights and rejoiced in my stories. Your sense of humor is phenominal, and I'm so glad that I share it with you. I find that you have influenced my choices in female friends, particularily, more than you will ever know. You do know that when I meet someone who supports me for who I am that I am carrying you in my heart and letting it guide me whether I realize it or not. We realize many things as we get older, and I'm just grateful that I can trace the path back to you and my grandmothers for giving me what I consider one of my greatest gifts; the freedom to live my life and enjoy it. Are you surprised, Mom? Nah, I didn't think so. It's nice to hear, though, right? OK, so I've had a few glasses of wine... what? I know the truth. Gees. These women I've had a chance to meet and get to know over the years are intelligent, loving characters that you would and have enjoy meeting. I love you, Mom.

OK, so another Oscar night is almost over. The candles will stay lit all night. MeeMa will probably be hung over in the morning, but here's hoping that she isn't. The Nike "Breast Cancer Awareness" tennies are pretty darn good. My back hurts, and I don't want to go to bed. I've spent this one alone, yet productive and focused on my dreams. For one night out of each year, I am guaranteed a night of absolutely perfect dreaming. That's quite a thing in this life. Now, look at Randy Newman; sixteen times nominated before he won an Oscar, and tonight he made us laugh. Kudos to Kirk Douglas, too. Here's to all those with artistic souls. I know the lower end of the scale and haven't given up, yet. Besides, as my dad always said, "I think of the most amazing things when I'm mowing the lawn. Don't you?"

Here's to dreams whether they're had during the day or the night with your eyes wide open or shut; they're a pretty awesome part of life.

Peace.

Sunday School

This is Sunday's post. I will be busy all day with "Sunday School." First I go take care of kiddies at a church during their service; and then, I come home and study, study, study.

Oh, and whoever said that things don't make you happy was and is wrong. I just did a bit of shopping for school and home, and I'm thrilled. I finally got my yoga mat, blocks and strap. Notebooks and folders were on sale for seventy-five cents, so I am now stocked with three different sets of notebooks and matching folders; two "Alice in Wonderland" with Johnny Depp and the Cheshire Cat, three kinda batiky hard covered notebooks, and three sparkly folder-over-the-top notebooks in red, green and blue that go with the folders with Peace Signs and Love plastered all over them. A periwinkle blue Danskin hoodie was on sale for five dollars, so that came home with me, too. We're the proud and happy owners of four new, plastic, travel mugs without handles; but still awesome and desperately needed. Ziggy and Sammy are happy that food and treats were purchased. Getting a pair of Reebok workout pants for under ten dollars started out my shopping venture. No yarn was procured, but standing in the aisle looking at all the different kinds while thinking of planned projects gave me a bit of a chance to do some design work on the fly. While no bras made it home with me, my correct size is pretty much established; it's off to a professional for these items. Buying base before I rand out was a coupe. Finally, the most sentimental purchase; two replacement blankies in a soft, light blue and deep, sage green came home with me. sigh I feel like a Junior High kid, again; 'cept this time I've got a serious caffeine dependency problem besides the nicotine and chocolate. No chocolate, ciggies or caffeinated stuff was purchased.

I'm taking my Diet A & W Rootbeer and headed to bed. Sunday School is in session.

Seeing Through the Fog

I've already sent this request to a number of friends and thought I could "multi-task" by posting it here as well.


Seeing Through the Fog

Hello Friends.

I don't expect to get a response to this post, but if you feel so inclined; your input is greatly appreciated.

I've volunteered to do a series of articles focused on "Putting a Face" on mental health issues for a local NAMI chapter's website. The aim is to reduce the stigma associated with being diagnosed or having a family member or friend who is diagnosed with a mental illness. My scope is to talk to working mental health professionals, teachers, students, adults of all ages, and legal professionals to mention just a few other perspective interviewees. I want to formulate 5 questions and then have an open-ended conversation with each interviewee.

I'm asking for question suggestions and volunteer interviewees that I can practice with. I'm going to "interview" myself, first. I have to test out how I feel about coming forward and what I want to say with regards to "everything."

If you wish to remain anonymous, just send me a message with whatever you wish to say. I will keep your identity confidential and welcome the input. By now you should know how much I value collaboration. I'll be happy to credit you if you wish or let your identity remain unknown in the published interviews regarding questions and any information or stories that you have to offer.

Two events prompted this project: Ron Artest "came out of the closet" in a big way and Jared Loughner's shooting spree in Arizona. Ron Artest just spoke at a Congressional briefing about funding for programs that would help with early detection of mental health issues in school age children. The information about Jared Loughner's life continues to flow on the Internet; both his present and recent past. I have not taken the time to read the articles, but it appears that he has legal counsel, has new mug shots, and shot into a crowd at his school prior to shooting people in the parking lot. Multiple concerns and general thoughts filled my head and heart as I processed these two events because I always liked Ron Artest for some strange reason that I still haven't defined, and the reactions to Jared Loughner struck home, considering my background. I just kept thinking about their humanity and what could've been done earlier to help them; thus, preventing some of the pain and suffering that each has experienced and inflicted during their lifetimes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to your responses. Take good care of yourselves, and I'll do the same.

Sincerely,

RRRrrrrrrOOOooooooAAAaaaaaRRRrrrrr

I'm grouchy. Lots of little things invaded my life, and the temporary result is grouchiness. sigh

I'm tired of writing about me. I've lost readers. I doubt my ability to write. I'm sick of going grocery shopping and not being able to use my food stamps discretely. I'm frustrated with being nervous so often to the point where I shake. I'm bored with keeping the house clean. I'm so disgusted with the political gamesmanship going on in Wisconsin. I'm so NOT surprised to read that Robert Mugabe is ready to offer Muammar Gaddafi asylum in Zimbabwe; and that, Mugabe dispatched commandos to Libya to protect Gaddafi and his supporters. Mostly, I'm fed up with being fed up.

I do apologize. Nobody likes to read a negative post. I can't say that I enjoy writing one. I have given in to my emotional state relinquishing all creativity to some black hole located somewhere in an alternative universe.

I really can't wait til April 7th. That will be post #365. I will have completed my one year commitment to this blog and probably be done with it. We'll see what I learned about going forward at that time.

Until then I'm stuck doing this. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

here - have a poem - "peace full"

peace full

when all the lights are off
and night is settling in
the quiet overtakes me
peace is present again

soothing heart beat
takes me away
o'er a soft path
to the end of my day

calming breath
in and out
eyes close
erasing doubt

when the lights are off
and night is settled in
quietly i rise
to heaven again

Yeah, yeah. I know.

It is late. I am missing "Perry Mason." Yoga and T'ai Chi Chih were wonderful tonight. Is there really anything else to say? Yes, there is. I'll get to be home to see my family tomorrow. T

here's one more thing to mention; People, who are working to protect workers' rights and more in Wisconsin, around the USA and around the World, keep it up! Your sacrifice and effort are worth it! You are appreciated and admired.

That's it, Folks. My life is simply too mundane to report anything of significance, except that it's strange that since one of my Norwegian cousins left for Australia that now there are a ton of people from Australia checking out my blog, or more bots. I've completely lost my Norwegian readership this week.

Starting to think that very few are reading this any more. Well, I didn't start out writing it to gain readership. I started out writing it as an exercise for myself. Guess I'm meeting that goal, too. I'll have to do some thinking on this one. Always good to check the ego in any situation.

OK, now it's good night. Peace be with you.

The Right Knee Speaks

KNEE: Hello. I am her Right Knee.

CALF: I'm her Right Calf!

KNEE: Yes, you are, but we're not talking about you, right now.

CALF: What do you mean, "... we're not talking about you, right now?"

KNEE: I mean that the Right Knee Cap, all the associated ligaments, tendons, cartilage, bones and joint are not talking about you, right now. The Right Knee is a conglomerate of associated members who have the floor, or I should say, chair, right now. We are speaking as a collective with one voice.

CALF: Well, thank you for at least switching position, so I feel a little less stress and pain. I represent a collective, too, you know. Don't you think it would've been better if you would've mentioned how your actions or lack of action affects us?

KNEE: You might be right. I guess I was so focused on my own pain that I ignored your numbness and pain.

CALF: Well, thank you. How about we start over from scratch?

ANKLE, HIP and BACK: Hey! What about us?

KNEE: OK. We are the Right Leg, Right Hip and Lower Back. We are in pain. We do not want to be writing this post, but we cooperate because it's important to the Mind, Spirit and most of the Body.

WRIST: Well, speaking for the Right Wrist, I'd like to join your collective of pain; or rather, I am already a member. Personally speaking, I think we deserve just as much attention as the Mind, Spirit and rest of the Body.

(silence)

MIND, SPIRIT and BODY: In honor of the support that has been shown by everyone towards the goal of posting a post on this blog each day for a year, this post is over. Here's to happy, healthy lives for everyone. Remember to support the weakest just as much as you support the strongest. Bring everyone along and the results will be peace. Have a wonderful night, Everyone. Peace. OK! DANCE! Hands up in the air! Shoulders to the beat! Suck it in Gut! Now wiggle! Oh Yeah! We're outta here!

Resolution and Rebirth

While Wisconsin peacefully protests, and Libya's protests are a bloody mess; I sit here content about the turn of events that happened today in my life. It's trivial compared to what's going on in the world, but today's events taught me something about myself; I can stand up for myself through intelligent conversation. I really thought that I'd lost the ability to state my case coherently when opposed by an authority figure. I have a lot of people to thank for this recent turn of events. I need to thank BB, SA, my Yoga instructor, my T'ai Chi Chih instructor, people I work for, and many friends and family. Like the Grateful Dead sing, "What a long, strange trip it's been."

Today I regained a certain sense of self that I thought that I'd lost along the way. It took an hour of talking to the Director of the WIA Grant program in our area, but I was able to communicate my situation, ask intelligent questions, refuse to accept responsibility for those things that were not my fault, and still carry the conversation forward to an acceptable solution. It was a revelation. The hour-long conversation revealed a part of myself that I let go of at least fifteen years ago; my ability to fight for someone's rights. By incorporating my improvisational skills, my listening skills, my compassion, my intelligence, my communication skills, and my desire to resolve the issues in an honest way while following all the Federally mandated regulations; we reached a mutually agreed upon solution to my ten days of Hell. I'm very proud of me.

The net/net of the conversation and subsequent conversations with my school's Financial Aid Department and Bookstore is that I dropped the two classes that I added, returned my books for a full refund, and will start the WIA Grant programs in the Fall of 2011 studying whatever I choose to at that time as long as it is on the On Demand list of professions.

More than ever before, I am considering Paralegal work as my way to help people. I am interested in Intellectual Property Law and Family Law. I may even get up the nerve to try out some Litigation Law. One step at a time, though.

For now, I am happily back to Plan A; going to school part-time and figuring out what I'm going to be when I grow up. I'm growing up at an ever increasing rate, and foresee a promising future for the first time in ages.

Sweet dreams, all. Peace be with everyone fighting the good fight. Sacrifice is worth it for our futures. I am happy to be a member of our world community again. I am making the world a better place and will continue to do so in the future.

Peace Be With You

Well after way too much stressing, I decided to drop one class because the deadline to drop it is today; but when I tried to drop I couldn't because now there's a hold on my account because big-mouth me told Financial Aid that my wait for the WIA Grant was up. I'm not even upset. I know I'll have a lot of talking to do in the next week, but I don't even care about that. This whole situation has just gotten "ridunculous."

On the upside, I had a call from two old friends tonight. They were both good.

My first call was from a friend and former co-worker who told me that he popped the question on Valentine's Day; he's engaged to his lady-love! I whooped and hollered. I'm so happy for both of them. That made my day.

My other call was with an old friend from high school. It was great to catch up. She sounds so good. I'm very happy for her. She seemed to have just the right things to say, too. It all helped so much.

In fact, my two old friends really have no idea how much they helped me just by sharing their good news and insights. They helped me so much that when I went to drop my class, I wasn't upset. I just looked up at "the heavens" aka, my ceiling, smiled and rolled my eyes. Maybe there is a plan for me. Maybe it's just one more hassle to tackle. Whatever the case, it will be OK. It's only money, right? ... and my future. Breathe, two, three, four....

OK, so that's it. I'm going to head to bed; so that, I'll be well rested for tomorrow's activities and the rest of the week's activities.

Take care, everyone. Here's to good friends, fond memories, positive change, and hope. Here's to strength and a stress-free existence, too. Here's to cooperation, collaboration, compassion and courage, too.

Peace be with you.

Spinning Wheelssssssssssssss

So while many in the world are out protesting, I'm sitting at my computer keeping tabs on the world conditions. I'm also spinning my wheels trying to make a decision about this stupid WIA Grant situation.

It's been hours since I started this. I got involved with my Internet Fundamentals and doing the homework which was not that bad. I'll probably have to join a couple different listservs, but I got almost everything done. Kinda ironic considering that tomorrow I may drop the course to save a bit of money. I'm so sick of the spinning wheels in my head.

OK, that's it. It's 12:33am, and I have work in the morning. Argh.

WIA Grant Process

I am having the worst time trying to navigate the WIA Grant process. The information keeps changing and isn't being given out in a manner that allows me to make an informed decision. My representative looked at the On Demand job list and decided that "Editor" meant "Video Editor." Duh. She says Web Design and Development isn't covered, yet when I found the website and the list of On-Demand Jobs, "Designers" and "Multi-Media Artists and Animators" were listed. "Writers" were listed, too. Shoot, apparently "Athletes" are On Demand, too.

This is one of the goofiest and most frustrating experiences of my life. My representative hasn't been answering my questions, and when she does the answer changes. Besides all that, she looks at me and speaks to me as though I should know this stuff and be able to make a decision based on the trifling bits she doles out in random order.

I asked if I could change majors once I was in the program. She said that I could. Today she told me that I'd be stuck in A/V Production and stuck at the college that I'm at to boot. The equipment sucks. The software is OK, but the WIA Grant doesn't pay for software or computers. It pays for books, tuition and fees which is fine; but if I'm going into a technical field where these things are needed, it would be nice to have them covered. I don't even want to major in A/V Production; been there, done that.

OH! I was also told that the only class that would be covered would be the one that starts on March 15th. The other classes that I'm signed up to take because I have to be a Full-Time Student would come out of my pocket. This is why I'll be out $500 by signing up for this grant. This sucks. This sucks. This sucks.

Sunday is the last day to drop classes without a financial penalty. I may drop the classes that I added. As for the books that I bought, I'm going to try to return them, I guess.

You see, by accepting the WIA Grant I am actually down $500. That's right. If I stick to my original plan, I'm up $500. Of course, I would pass up the chance for some government money for good, but it might just be worth it.

Besides, when I've asked her if I could postpone signing up until the summer, she's consistently said that I had to start right away. Today when I was leaving, she told me that I could wait maybe 45 days; she wasn't sure.

At this point I'm fed up with learning and trying to find a job. I'm definitely fed up with my representative. I've placed a call to speak with her supervisor. This process sucks balls; big, hairy, sweaty, boar's balls.

I have to make a decision in by tomorrow. Guess I'll sleep on it. Argh! I'm so furious and muddled up that I'll probably just lay in my bed and glare at the darkness. Here I thought tonight would be a celebratory night. Man, was I wrong.

Can't We Just Get Along?

Short, short post -

I may lose some friends over my views on the turmoil in Wisconsin, but I'm hoping that I won't. My main point is that people need to work together, and when the Governor refuses to sit down at the bargaining table, submits a bill that would eliminate collective bargaining and put power in fewer hands; and then, calls the Democratic members of the State Legislature "undemocratic" for leaving the state thus making a vote on the Budget Repair Bill impossible; Governor Walker's going to have to face the fact that he's created this mess from Day One. He had a lot of help, and everyone involved is wrong. There are other ways to fix a budget, and I'm hoping that the Wisconsin Legislature can find it. With a 19-14 Republican majority, though; I am doubtful that this will happen unless the Democrats stick together and force the issue. It's been done before, so here's hoping that the tactic will work resulting in a collaborative effort. Again, I'm doubtful considering how Governor Walker has conducted himself thus far.

Hey, Elected Officials and State Mucky-Mucks, how's about taking a pay cut yourselves? Want to give up some perks? Come one. What's good for the masses is good for the leaders, right? Apparently not.

Here's to my tomorrow. I've got a very important meeting about getting some government funding. Ha! I'm getting while it's still there. Audio/Video Production is getting more and more interesting with all the hubbub in good, ole Wisco. I'm stoked.

Rock on, People. Stand up for what you believe in and remember to discuss it with a level head. Dialogue is key. Good luck, Everyone.

Uprising in Wisconsin! I'm So Proud

540,000 to See Scott Walker Out of Wisconsin, January 2012

TAA

Democratic Party of Wisconsin

The above links are just a few of the pages on Facebook that are chronicling the uprising in Wisconsin over newly-elected Governor Walker's Budget Repair Bill. The following are two articles about what Governor Walker and the Budget Repair Bill are up to.

Wisconsin Demonstrates Against Scott Walker's War on Unions

The Huffington Post: Wisconsin Governor Threatens to Replace Union Workers with National Guard

I'm so proud of the people who are at the capital and all around the state of Wisconsin protesting this bill. I'm with them in spirit and am watching to see what will happen on Thursday. I know that there are many like me who wish they could be on the streets with the protesters, and I know that the protesters know that many, many people are with them in spirit. Keep up the great work! Lives are depending on you.

If you live in Wisconsin or have loved ones who live there or are an advocate of Unions and Medicaid programs, contact your or a Wisconsin Representative to let them know that you would like them to vote, "NO!" when this bill comes before them. The link to the Wisconsin State Legislature is below.

Wisconsin State Legislature

Yeah Mom!

I've got to make this brief because I have to get to work on an immense project that could net me up to $10,000. It's because of this project that I called my mom for some help in the form of words of encouragement.

WOW! Did I call the right person! Not only did she listen to my explanation of what I have to do and why which included quotes, or course, Mom interjected one liners! They ranged from the whimsical, "Oopsy Daisy", to the dry and biting, "You'll see a flip side when you come to help me." The former was in reference to the lack of organization that I've mastered when it comes to the paperwork in our office. The latter was in response to my representative's comments regarding my perfect personality (for A/V Production) and her comments about how long I have to get this stuff into her after hearing that I could use some help getting everything organized.

Mom knows me. It's been a long time since we truly laughed together, but this little exchange more than made up for the too long gap. I'm so grateful that I could be myself and be appreciated, encouraged, and made to laugh in such a variety of ways.

If you could've heard my mom start a cheer when I said that I needed words of encouragement! Besides being an Administrative Assistant who worked her way up to Executive status at A. C. Nielsen, my mom was a star basketball player, coach and cheerleader! I'm so glad she dug out her pom-poms again. Her cheers started a banter of about five minutes that had me laughing so hard that I fell down. I mean that I literally fell down on a friend's porch stoop while laughing which only made us both laugh harder.

Here's to the multifaceted, talented, feminine, brilliant women out there; but especially my mom. She's endured more than she should have to, had some great times along the way, and is still willing to do what she can when asked.

Today she gave me the will to succeed and understood what I meant when I said, "I'm so glad I called you. Before this I was a bit overwhelmed and thought, 'I'll just kill myself'. I'm a little extreme at times."

To which she innocently, yet so sarcastically replied, "You are?"

That's when I fell down. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a mother who has finally made known to me that she knows me, understands me and is still there for me.

I've had my doubts about how she felt about me. We're very different in many different ways, but today we clicked. We joined together as mother and daughter. I found someone to help me in the perfect way; positive, encouraging laughter. It was energizing. It made me all warm and fuzzy to the point where I am crying about it again.

Oh, and I have to mention that I thought I might have called the right person when she mentioned that she had watched "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" on TV in the middle of my explanation about my need to get stuff together so the WIA Grant could pay for, of all things, a AA degree in Digital Audio/Video Production. It was something about linking what I like to do, my perception of the government's weird decision to cover A/V Production and not Web Development, and Mom's appreciation for animation and children's programing. Something inside me heard, "Michelle, you can do this. Go do it, Michelle." Sometimes it's not what's said, but rather the tone that is set that helps more than words ever could.

Thank you, Mom. Sorry I ever doubted you.

Valentine's Day 2011

I'm writing this now because I know that I won't want to later. It will be short.

For Valentine's Day 2011, I received a good, sharp slap in the face called, "Reality Check." My heart is shattered, and I am the creator of my own demise.

I shall not revisit this day again and will survive until tomorrow. After that, I will take it one second at a time, so serious is my current lesson. The options that have been presented as a result of running into my reality are many and varied. They are filling my mind, body (believe it or not) and spirit. It's going to take a while to decide what I'm going to do.

I really don't have anything else to write and may decide to deactivate this blog before the one year date. Should this be the case, I'll have a final farewell post and be gone.

All the decisions that I make from this point on are not up for discussion, nor do I have any desire to speak about them with anyone. I've entered a whole new, intimate world that has room for only one; me. This also is not up for discussion or conversation.

Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone. I sure as hell hope it's better than mine.

'Tis the Night Before Valentine's Day!

Here's a shout out to NORWAY! Folks, you're only 27 hits behind the USA. This week alone NORWAY more than TRIPLED the number of hits from the USA (103 - 33). Thank you, NORWAY.

"So way back in the club....Heads Up! No control of my body..... Dance, Dance, like it's the last, last night of your life...!!!!!!!!"

Well, I'm experimenting in the kitchen. Is it possible to make three, 8x8, half brownie, half Fun-fetti Valentine's cakes? We'll find out in about twenty minutes. Pink frosting with heart-shaped sprinkles when they're cooled, et voila; Valentine's Day Treats 2011.

Grammys on in thirty-four minutes. I CANNOT WAIT to see Eminem! I wonder if he'll open the show? I can't wait to see him perform that wonderful song of his. Besides, when I see him, I think of my sister's son. He looks just like Eminem and is a single dad, too. Great guyS.

Will have to get the TV on pretty soon. Right now I'm listening to the radio, sitting in the dark, waiting for the timer to go off.

Well, the Sunday School job was much more active today. There were no babies, so we went to help in the toddler room. WOW! I worked up a sweat, but it was fun.

Bought balloons for Big Girl and Little One. Little One got two new outfits. Big Girl got one. One of my experimental treats is for them to take home with them. I bought a little something for GL, BB, and SA, too.

The back window's theme has changed from Pluto w/Mistletoe and Bell Wreath to Hearts just like the ones I draw! 'Tis the Night Before Valentine's Day!

Very nice to have the radio playing instead of the TV. Definitely adding to the productivity. This is very, very good because I still have the dishwasher to run and the kitchen to clean.

Oh! There's the timer!

Suddenly Saturday

OK, well that sucked big time. I just wrote my post for Saturday, something went wrong, and I lost it all.

Let's see what I can remember:

1. While I was thinking that getting this out of the way would be a good idea based on my desire to sleep in and do "nothing" until around 5:30pm today, I realized that I have a videotaping project to do tomorrow along with a ton of housework and other homework; so much for sleeping in.

2. My video project is about Ziggy and Sammy's routines. They sleep, eat, play, tell me what to do, follow me to the bathroom, attack each other and sleep some more. I think it may be humorous, but we'll see. I'll just get the camera out and tape whatever today and pick up any shots I might need on Sunday.

3. I've been giving a bit of thought to my blog's future. It will change after April 7th, but I don't know what those changes will be. I've got almost two months to figure it out.

4. SA - Please send me the website for the Polish Race Car Driver who needs help. I forgot his name and want to do my bit. Everyone else be prepared to do your bit, too. I hear he's a great guy.

5. I'm headed to bed because the sooner I get there the longer I'll be there, or something like that. Anyway, that's where my mind and spirit are now, so I might as well let my body join them. You know it's all about getting everyone on the same page or at least balanced.

This is the shortened version, but it is also basically what I wrote in a different form. I must say that I love how my fingers fly when I'm writing. I'm still so happy that I took typing in high school. Who knew it would prove to be one of my best skills and help me make a living to boot.

Sweet dreams, Everyone! Happy Birthday, Grace!

BIG CHANGE!

Today at around 2pm I received a call from my WIA Grant Representative. After being on a waiting list since April, my time has come. Only one challenge to overcome; I have to be a full-time student this semester to receive funds. If I cannot become a full-time student this semester, I forfeit the grant. It will pay for my tuition, fees and books. It could be as large as $10,000.

I've spent the day looking for classes to add to my schedule and found one open, online course, Introduction to Business, that meets my Digital Media and Design - A/V Production Associates Degree requirements. I've contacted the DMD Department Heads to ask if I can join either Audio Production (Independent Study) or Internet Fundamentals (online course that started February 7, 2011). Now I sit and wait out the weekend with plans to be at school at 8am on Monday morning to speak with a counselor. Whew.

What a rush. Here I've been waiting and wondering for all this time, and POOF! Of course, just like any bureaucratic endeavor, the timing and rules on this one add a bit of stress. We'll see what happens. I need more information about the rules and requirements for this, but for now I'm just trying to get into the right classes.

One great bit of news is that my Yoga class actually is required for my major. Well I could take either a Dance, Humanities, or Music Elective; and Yoga is in the Dance Department. YIPPEE! It's really doing a great job for me.

Other than that flurry of activity, it's been a pretty calm day. I made dinner tonight for BB and SA. That was nice. Remembering that makes me wonder if the food still needs to be put away. Dang it.

Well, I guess that's my cue to go. Take care, All.

Yesterday, All My Troubles Were Calmly Handled

Yesterday was another full day filled with surprises, ups, downs and pain. It was a complete day meaning that my mind, body and spirit all experienced one or more of the changes. Pretty typical.

A few breakthroughs were made:

1. I did a pretty good job of removing myself from other people's problems and letting them handle them.

It was a bad day for GL. When this happens, many times she takes it out on me; mainly verbally. I was able to keep calm and offer positive advice even though this annoyed her even more. Since we weren't together physically, and I was driving to appointments; I turned on the radio and sang. I consciously made myself enjoy my life. It took a little effort, but the music helped. Music always helps.


2. I recognized the serendipity of life through a surprise in scheduling.

Seems GL didn't get her Unemployment check, so she decided to go to the Unemployment Office which is in one of the buildings at my school campus. There I was running late as usual for my appointment with my instructor, and GL & Company would be up there when I was. I had to smile. Here I'd been kind of upset that I'd miss seeing everyone because I had to pick up video equipment. Lo and behold, they were brought to me. I got to see everyone up at my school. It was a nice surprise for at least four out of five and maybe all five. It did make me chuckle.


3. I experienced a positive outcome to a potential problem.

When I arrived with Big Girl at my instructor's office, he wasn't there. I was a bit late, but I thought he'd be there. Well, Big Girl and I walked around looking for solutions. I found another instructor who gave me two phone numbers to call. I talked with the department secretary who said that she would call his personal line and let him know that I was outside his office. I remained calm and focused on finding a solution throughout the ordeal. Before a resolution was found; GL, BB, and Little One showed up. Big Girl went with them, and I stayed behind to see what would happen. No sooner had GL & Company exited the building than I turned around to see my instructor coming down the hallway.

I was so happy to see him that I literally bounced and said, "Oh! You have to meet my family, my reason for living, what makes me tick."

He wasn't interested, but I made him look at GL & Company as they walked down the sidewalk to BB's car. He said, "That's a busy scene."

"Yeah," I said, "and she was just at Unemployment, so it was real busy."

He just shook his head. He thought he told the class to pick up equipment between twelve and one, but I remember him saying before noon on Thursday. I told him that I could be wrong and didn't mention the number of times that I had told him that I'd be there around 9:30am, if I needed equipment. I try to give people some wiggle room in unexpected and potentially unpleasant situations.

The good news is that he showed up for some unknown reason and did get the equipment that I needed. We had a good talk, too. Seems he started out in Public Access in Atlanta, so he worked with 3/4" equipment and recognizes the revolution that the new digital equipment has created. It's amazing, really. The mere difference in size is enough to make me skip out to my car carrying the camera and tripod. The 3/4" equipment required to do the same things would weigh me down like an overburdened pack mule.

I think I experienced this outcome because I remained calm and positive. I also think that the phone calls helped. I also think that even if my instructor hadn't showed up that remaining calm and positive was much more pleasant than getting all upset. :P


4. I had some quality time with GL & Company back at home.

By the time I got home from school and the other couple of errands I had to run, I was starving and a sweaty mess. I blasted in the door with the video equipment and dove for some food. It was lunchtime. Big Girl was painting at the kitchen table. Little One was sitting in "her" high chair which is the same one that my mom sat in as a baby; that's four generations, people. Little One was ready to eat. GL was cooking and getting food ready for her daughters. BB was on his computer. I decided to try some Almond Dream on my cereal instead of milk. Big Girl decided to try it, too. I have to give her a lot of credit. She really does try new foods pretty easily. Well, we both like Almond Dream very much, both on our cereal and to drink. Yippee!

After I'd told a story, I took a shower and wasn't a stinky, sweaty mess any more. Big Girl had to smell me to be sure.

I also got everyone to play a game of Candyland while Little One took her nap. Big Girl won! We didn't let her win. She won all by herself! GL finished last, and BB and I could only laugh because it sums up her recent luck so well. I don't think she was entirely pleased, but oh well. If you can't laugh, then what the hell are you going to do?

I had to go back to consciously enjoying my life and removing myself from a situation by the end of the visit because GL got upset with me again. I just annoy the crap out of her most of the time, so I'm just keeping my distance these days. You know how it is, right? If your life is for shit, it's hard to see someone else's life going well; crabs in a basket and all that. Well, I was kind of the same when I was GL's age, but now I'm older and wiser and enjoying it. GL will figure it out, or she won't. It's not my problem. I know she loves me, and she knows that I love her. I just am unwilling to be unhappy anymore, especially when I have no control over what happens in her life; and I have my life to enjoy and figure out. C'est la vie.


5. I started working with my subject on the routine that I'm going to videotape today.

We talked about three important shots. I have to figure out the rest of them before this afternoon. I think she likes the idea of it. We'll see how she likes the actuality of it. I did my best to explain that shooting a story means doing things over and over; and that, it can become boring and "not fun." She's still game, so off I go to shoot my homework project today.

If this doesn't work out, I have a Plan B. I'm going to shoot my cats' routines. They eat, sleep, play, attack each other, sleep, clean themselves, sleep, get petted, sleep, hang out in the bathroom, sleep, and tell me what to do every day. I think this piece could be amusing.


6. I checked into taking riding lessons once or twice a month for a while.

I miss being on a horse. It's great exercise and the movement is good for my back and legs. I heard someone talking about how hard riding a horse is on a person's back, and I kept my mouth shut. It wasn't the right venue to interject my knowledge, but I wish that I had. You see, if a person is riding a horse properly, there is no jarring of their back because the person is supporting themselves with their legs. There is something called Posting that people do when they ride that counteracts a horse's cantering. Walking, cantering, and galloping are not hard on my back, at least. Anyway, I inquired about riding lessons at the Hippotherapy facility and am waiting to hear back. They have a new horse named, Apollo, who is part Belgian Work Horse and Quarter Horse. He's beautiful and definitely big enough to handle my weight.


7. Thursday night is TV Night

I came home, ate some dinner, and went to bed because my back was burning with pain. Thursday is TV night for me. I watch "The Big Bang Theory", "Shit My Dad Says", "CSI", and "The Mentalist." I fell asleep before "The Mentalist" ended and woke up this morning at 5:30am. This is why I didn't blog last night.


Well, that's it for yesterday except for losing the computer that I've been working on. I'm typing this on my mom's old laptop. It's working OK. It just doesn't have Word on it, so I can't write papers on it. It's a bit slow and has a bunch of crap on it that I would like to get cleared off, and I've been told that there are a bunch of guys in a study hall at school who do this for people; so there's another solution found.

Here's to finding solutions for all your challenges and remaining calm while you do it. Here's to a good day for everyone. I imagine that I'll be back tonight because, as we all know, I am now one post behind. Take care!

Was Sick - Now Better

After a day of rest, I feel better. Actually, I rested and managed to get a bunch of paperwork done that needed to get done. BB was a big help.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to really get some rest now. I have to be up early, and I want to continue to feel better.

That's it really. I hate being sick. I've managed to get rid of my fever and headache today, so tomorrow I'll be up and running again. I mean that literally.

Sweet dreams, All.

The Gathering

The room was silent as the woman walked in and proceeded to the only empty chair available. She noticed that everyone had stopped talking and looked at her as she entered the room. As she sat down, the people returned to their interupted activities, and she listened to the chatter around her. She observed her fellow roommates making note of who seemed to be with someone and who was alone. She noted who seemed happy or excited or nervous. She also noted that some people seemed upset. Glancing up at the clock, the woman saw that it was five minutes past nine o'clock. The program was to start at nine o'clock.

As the clock ticked on, she saw people begin to squirm in their seats. The comments began to focus on when the program would start. People wondered if they were in the right place. They wondered if they had gotten the date wrong. They wondered where the speaker was. Some people spoke of leaving. Others got up and started to put on their coats.

The woman watched as the clock's second hand moved steadily towards the twelve. When it landed on the twelve, the minute hand moved to the two. It was ten minutes after nine o'clock. She watched as people continued to squirm, get up, put on their coats, and leave. She watched as a few people relaxed and enjoyed their conversation. She noticed all the different reactions and decisions taking place all around her. She never said a word or made a move.

At nine fifteen with the room half full, a man entered the room, stopped right inside the doorway and announced, "I'm sorry everyone, but we have not seen our speaker arrive yet. We've tried calling, but we were only able to leave a message. We apologize for the inconvenience and will be happy to refund your money on your way out."

As the woman watched the people around her gather their things and start to leave, she stood up and said, "Isn't life just like that sometimes. You're waiting for someone to show you the way, and they just don't show. There you are left with all your questions and confusion and disappointment wondering what the hell happened to them," a few people listened to her, but most of the people just continued putting on their coats as she continued, "Thing is that life like people are not always on time, nor does life present itself the way you expect it to; just like people. The answers to your questions could be right in front of you, and you'd never recognize them because you have a preconceived notion of what they're supposed to sound like or look like; just like people. Everyone, I am tonight's speaker," she ended and sat back down in her chair.

The man at the door looked at the woman. He moved in front of the door and prevented any more people from leaving.

Soon people who had left the room began walking in and taking their seats. The room was quiet.

The woman remained seated and silent. She looked down at the floor, closed her eyes and thought, "Peace be with you."

As she raised her head and opened her eyes, she took the time to look at each person in the circle. She took a moment to look into their eyes and note their reaction to her invasion of their space. She noted the discomfort in the room.

"When I was asked to speak to you tonight, I asked that I be paid for my time. I requested that I be paid a hefty amount of money for my time. I also asked that half the people here be allowed to attend for free and that donors be found to sponsor their attendance. I set a lot of boundaries and conditions upon my appearance before you tonight. It is only because all of these conditions and boundaries were met that I am here with you tonight. One of my boundaries, a condition if you will, was that my name would remain private. So tonight as I start my talk all you will know is that there is an unknown woman speaking to you tonight; and that the person sitting next to you may or may not have paid that expensive ticket price. Shall we begin?"

A few people nodded as a man across the circle said, "Yes, already."

"I said what I have to say," the woman said, "If you were still in the room, you may have heard it. If you left before I spoke, you missed it."

The room buzzed. People asked other people what she said. People complained. People looked at her in shock with their mouths hanging open. One person sat very still and smiled.

The woman got up from her chair, took her phone out of her pocket and checked it. There were three voicemail messages.

"I'm going to turn on the speaker and play these messages for you. I don't know who they are from," she said and pressed a button.

"Message sent at eight forty five," the machine said, beeped and continued, "We're waiting for you at the front door. We were expecting you at eight thirty. Please call us," the machine continued, "Press nine to save this message. Press seven to delete this message."

The woman pressed a button.

"Message sent at nine," the machine said, beeped and continued, "Still no sign of you. The room is packed. Are you coming? Are you OK? Please call us as soon as possible," the machine continued, "Press nine to save this message. Press seven to delete this message."

The woman pressed a button.

"Message sent at nine ten," the machine said, beeped and continued, "People are trying to leave. We're doing our best to stop them according to your conditions, but they're upset. We can't hold them here forever. Are you coming tonight? We need to hear from you. What? Yes, I've tried her home phone. No, I didn't get through. I'm doing my best. What? Oh shit. I didn't hang up. Please call us. We've got a lot of angry people here," the machine continued, "Press nine to save this message. Press seven to delete it."

The woman pressed a button, closed her phone, put it back in her pocket, looked at the people and said, "Whether or not it was wrong to fuck with you, I did. Life is like that. Why is life like that? Because people are like that. We all know that. Thing is, you all came here to hear some sage speak about something you thought you needed more perspective on. You came in good faith, grateful for the chance to possibly gain some clarity. Your faith was tested. How long did it take for you to give up? How long did it take for you to become disillusioned? How patient were you? For those who were comfortable and willing to wait for what they considered a long time, no gloating; many fools die in the desert. Personally, I don't know why anyone would pay what they paid to hear me speak. You might be feeling the same way right about now. If you're willing, I'd like to hear about why you came here tonight. We've got as long as everyone in the room would like. If there is someone who is on a time schedule they cannot break, please speak first and feel free to leave whenever you have to. I'd like to listen for a while. If you feel the need to bitch me out for how I've started this evening with you, go for it. If you have any questions, I'll be happy to do my best to answer them. Just one more thing before you speak, though. I have a few conditions. You may not say whether or not you paid for your ticket yourself, nor can you divulge any of the other instructions that were given to you about your attendance at this gathering tonight. You have my full attention. The floor is yours, people."

Story Ideas

THIS IS AN INTERACTIVE POST. PLEASE READ AND LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW. ANYONE CAN LEAVE A COMMENT.

Good Monday Morning, Everyone!

While I should be reading my Digital Video Editing and Yoga books, I am here, unshowered and filled with ideas about a series of story titles for a series of short stories for a book - or - a series of books - or - ........ writing for money - AND - waiting for Big Girl and Little One and GL and BB to arrive back at my home while having my morning coffee.

The Plan - A widow sells everything she has and returns to her homeland to resort her life. Her children are grown with children of their own. She hasn't seen her family in Norway in over three decades. She returns to post-World War II Norway to find a country resorting itself and family she doesn't really know. The time is just right for her to jump in the fray and join the masses as they all head into their new lives.

The Mission - An elderly man gives a young girl a gift to comfort her and at the same time, a mission. After thirty-seven years, the gift and the mission bring two sisters together. Beginning in the Spring of 1963, the elderly man and the young girl find their lives forever linked through a baby, a wife, a mother, a father, and a country in flux. This is the story the elderly man wishes he'd been able to live to see told.

The Journey - A young woman leaves her husband, rescues her children, and embarks on a new life; a life that will make her stronger and happier than she ever imagined even though mistakes and heartbreak are ever present. Will the woman be able to face all her challenges? Will she cause her children more harm than good? Will she ever really be able to escape her ex-husband and his family? Her journey will take us to California during the "Shirley MacLaine" years and back to Chicago, a place she never wanted to live.

Those are all the titles that popped into my head for today. I'm still struggling with final titles for a few other stories. (rolls eyes)

If I follow the above theme, then what else follows "The Mission", "The Plan", and "The Journey"? Are those three enough for this series? I have two more stories that could fit into the "Life" theme. So what do we do in life? We do reach destinations. We get stuck. We succeed. We fail. In the broader sense, though, We devise a mission, form a plan, go on the journey, and ultimately all reach the same destination, Death. OK, so one more story title.

The Destination - A boy leads the way in the Mainstreaming Movement and inspires a community. He makes friends, excels in sports, and finds love. When everything is going so right, something very wrong happens.

This is a good opportunity to work on my proposal writing, too. What do you think? Anything intrigue you? Any stories you'd like to read? Any suggestions?

Superbowl Sunday

Well, the game is done. The Packers won. It was a good game. The Pack deserves to take the Vince Lombardi Trophy home.

I've been up since 6am this morning. I practiced my Yoga and T'ai Chi Chih; and then, went to church where I prayed for a ton of people and had a nice talk with God. After that I went grocery shopping at Target. I came home, took care of some stuff, did some homework, and left to return some movies to the library. After that I dropped in on some friends for a couple minutes. I finally returned home and continued doing homework while the game was on. Since part of my homework was finding a blank mini-DV tape or two, I found myself cleaning, too.

I did make one personal purchase at Target. I couldn't resist the bargain. It may have been foolish, but I did it anyway. How could I pass up a queen-size, white, cotton, reversible, comforter with two matching pillow shams for ... wait for it ... twenty five dollars? It was seventy five percent off, and just what I've been hoping for. It is now on my bed, and the hand-me-down comforter that I really didn't like for a ton of reasons is gone. Yeah!

I think I'm going to have to cut this short. My back is killing me, and I have five more questions on my worksheet to finish. I think we'll put in "The A-Team" and relax a bit while I finish up my homework. I may have to head to bed and watch "Inception" after that. I don't know. Just have to go walk around some more before I curl up and die from this pain. Rrrrrrrrr.

Have a good night, All. Congrats if you're a Packers fan. I don't think I know any Steelers fans, but I offer you my condolences. It was a very good game.

I'm Surrounded

I've actually been working in our office for most of the day. I've done homework; tried to rework my cell phone, home phone and Internet accounts; fine tuned my calendar; and cleaned a bit. It's going very slowly.

I am surrounded by tons of paperwork that needs to be "handled" and/or "addressed" and/or "tossed." (sigh) Still it's all good, I suppose.

I'm completely overwhelmed. I guess I'll feel better when I get the desk cleared off. This will allow me to do some more homework.

I have a lot of Yoga homework to do using Yoga Journal. My teacher loves this site. It is pretty cool. I have two worksheets that are due on Monday that are to be finished using this website, so getting my desk cleared off is very important.

Guess this might be my cue to get back to work. I just wanted to take a break and record that I am actually following my new MODIFIED schedule.

While I'm doing all of this, I'm also sending lots of Positive Vibes to those people in my life who are experiencing difficulties. Since sorting paperwork and cleaning doesn't really take that much effort, I find it very calming and peaceful to think good thoughts for a variety of friends and family members who seem to be in need these days. It's the least that I can do, literally.

So that's a mid-day report. I'm surrounded by piles and papers, but I am plodding through the morass in search of organization and clarity; so that, I can continue on my merry responsible way.

Speaking of being responsible; this post officially gets me caught up on my "daily" posting goal. That is kind of a surprise to me, but I'll take it. I thought I had more to do. Everyone can relax for a while, now. I'll just be posting once a day for a while focusing on making sure to post each and every day.

yeah me

LINKS! Today I Learned How to Include Links! - Some Favorites

It was there all along; I just had to open up my eyes and my mind. DUH.

I have cracked the nut on how to add links to my blog! Today is a great day in my blog's history. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Tee Hee.

Here's the Link to the site that finally helped me. I have included links using both the Link box at the top of my posting page (AGAIN - "DUH!!!!") and manually. I might add that this is the first time that I've taken a real interest in the coding involved in creating websites, etc.

How do I make a link to a web page?

With this in mind, here are a few of my favorite sites on The Web:

Simon's Cat - YouTube Page - If you haven't ever seen these cartoons, you really must take a moment to enjoy them. I always laugh.

Indeed.com - I've found this "all inclusive" job search site very helpful. While I haven't gotten a job as a result of using this "clearing house" site, it does make looking for work a bit more efficient.

SitterCity.com - A National Website for Childcare Providers, Pet Sitters, Tutors, and Elder Care Providers and those looking for help in these areas.

Google Language Tools - Do you have friends or family who speak a different language that you don't understand and vice versa? This Google Tool allows a person to translate languages and type in real time transforming their language into the language of the person that they are trying to communicate with. This is a technological miracle for me! While the translations may not be completely accurate, I've been told that they're good enough by the Norwegian relatives that I've used it with.

tvnewsgrapevine - The Advice Forum for TV News People - This blog is one of my favorites because the advice is spot on and concise. While I may never work in TV News again, I am inspired by the blog's author, Randy Tatano. He is a credit to the field of Journalism. When people complain about "the media", I think of Mr. Tatano and use his blog as an example to prove that there are journalist who care about reporting "in the proper way."

I'll end there for now, but there are many other websites and blogs that I like. I just have to get going with my day.

HURRAY! February 5, 2011 I FINALLY Cracked the Code!

Here's to Black History Month - and more

I wrote the following in response to a friend's comments regarding experiences of African-Americans and the importance of spending time with her grandparents and listening to their stories. I addressed the importance of spending time with her grandparents and a statement that she made regarding African-Americans' inability to trace their roots due to slavery; "... and so forth were stripped from us, far worse than any other race to a point we can not even go back and find it if we wanted to."

The following link is to a Resolution from the Virginia Legislature. Read it and be amazed. It is related to African American History and Native American History. One of the notable "WHEREAS" statements includes the following, "WHEREAS, the Racial Integrity Act of 1924 which institutionalized the "one drop rule," required a racial description of every person to be recorded at birth and banned interracial marriages, effectively rendering Native Americans with African ancestry extinct, and these policies have destroyed the ability of many of Virginia's indigenous people to prove continuous existence in order to gain federal recognition and the benefits such recognition confers, and ..."

Virginia Joint Resolution 728

The "wrongs of the whites" have long been recorded in this country and many others. Slavery is an institution that crosses racial boundaries including African-American, Native American, Asian Americans and Caucasian Americans. If you do a simple Google Search about each racial group and slavery you will find a plethora of information. While researching this you will run across "indentured servant" entries which is how most Whites experienced something close to slavery.

I found this link interesting from both an indentured servant standpoint and a business standpoint. It is mainly about Benjamin Franklin, who broke his indentured servant contract and was a fugitive for a while; and how he went on to become an American success story by overcoming great odds.

Excerpt from Ben Franklin's 12 Rules of Management

More importantly for this month, though, is the following link on Frederick Douglass and the book he wrote about starting out his life as a slave:

Narrative of the Life of Fredrick Douglass

The will to succeed comes from within and usually requires that people get over feeling sorry for themselves and move on to being an advocate for their own lives and the lives of others. Passion plays a role along with determination and a decent intellect. The more specific facts a person knows about their particular passions the more influential and powerful they can become when addressing these issues. Basically, I'm saying to check your facts before your passion makes your fingers or your mouth fly. The complexities of life are more readily available through modern technology these days and recognition of the world's "melting pot" history is important.

I have a friend from Zimbabwe who has related some Zimbabwean history regarding tribal enslavement. It is the story of Black-on-Black Slavery which also occurred in the USA in a different way. There were Black Slave Owners in America, too. It is also known that the Moors enslaved Italians and others for 800 years during their reign in those areas, but this is about American history; so I'll just mention that slavery has a long history all over the world and has been and practiced by people from every racial background.

To address your original intent on your status, though; yes, it is very important for children to take the time to listen to the stories of their elders whenever possible. It provides something so simple as an increasing awareness, respect and love for all parties because loving elders enjoy sharing their stories with their younger counterparts, and the time spent together creates a foundation for further success and happiness. I got the point of your status. I am now just acting as an elder who's father was a History Teacher who cried when he learned of all the things he hadn't been taught in preparation for his vocation regarding the American contributions of so many minorities. We now have access to more information than ever before, and I caution you to continually fact-check this information because while it may be on the web that doesn't make it accurate.

To address your comment about no other racial group has had their identity stripped and are unable to trace their roots like African-Americans, I say, "Hogwash." History has proven that Native Americans have experienced this same phenomenon, to name just one racial group. There are also other social factors that effect a person's ability to trace their roots such as adoption. While being able to trace your roots may hold some importance to some, isn't it more important that we learn to move forward and seek our own truths for our own lives and contributions to our worlds? By continually seeking information and processing that information while being open to having our minds changed, we develop into a more united and understanding people, or at least I hope that we do.

I write this to you as a proud Norwegian American who by happenstance is ethnically 100% Norwegian. Still, I do not know all the specifics of my racial makeup since I have not researched it. I am a "dark Norwegian" in physical description with the knowledge that my ancestors may have traveled to many places in the world including the Ottoman Empire, Africa, Europe, and North America and that the normal practices of the time would dictate that captured people or people met while trading might have been brought back to Norway resulting in procreation. I am proud of my heritage and the changes that have occurred throughout history in Norway. With a foundation in Viking mastery that evolved into a country that was ruled by "outsiders" for centuries which in turn evolved into a self-governing nation that is focused on World Peace among other life-sustaining practices, I feel that Norway has come full circle. This makes me happy.

Here's to a very educational and productive Black History Month. I'm also looking forward to Native American Heritage Month in November.

STRUCTURE!

Well, after 3/4 of a year, I've finally gone and done it; I've created a written schedule for myself. Now we'll see how structure works in my life. Every day is scheduled from 6am until 11:30pm. I've included Free Time, too. HELP!

It was really pretty fun figuring out where things are going to fit. There are things that I do every day like get up at 6am and practice my yoga and T'ai Chi Chih from 6:30 to 7:30am. I've even scheduled in eating breakfast, packing my lunch and the days that I will be cooking dinner. Of course, I've scheduled in study time and all my classes. I've also done my best to get me out of the house as much as possible, but I have scheduled house cleaning time, too. I've done a pretty darn good job. I've even reintroduced my volunteer work with the Hippotherapy facility. I've also scheduled in an intense month of cleaning up my office.

I like the theory of this "living" document and hope that it works. There are tweaks to be made, but the document that I've created has good bones. I still need to schedule in the times that I look for work and when I'll start working on a special project for NAMI, but I did get my first weekly script writing sessions put in. I'm scheduled to do a lot of knitting and crocheting for a while because I have some projects that I'd like to finish up before the weather changes. My goal is to incorporate a daily script and book writing schedule and reduce the amount of time I knit and crochet; or when school is over I'll replace school time with ... Anyway, you get the idea.

I'm off in just a little bit to meet handle my first scheduled task. Wish me luck! I'm going to need it. This is a huge change. The beauty of a written schedule is that I have a "map" to follow for each day.

Battling My Demons - AGAIN

I'm tired of waking up in the early hours of the morning with unpleasant thoughts and dreams. My friend calls it "battling your demons." I agree with her.

I'm frustrated. My wishes are being ignored. I'm mad about that. I have to let it all go. How do I let it all go? What do I do? How do I rid myself of all the distrust? This situation is sick. How do I transform it into something healthy? I do not have control over it. I never will. What is the best way to solve this? Too many questions and no sight of answers. Patience, I guess.

I think I need to move or at least move on. How do I do that? I guess by simply following through on what I've said I will be doing. This is going to be difficult. Guess I still need to go to DAS group to discuss this all. I have too many issues still. I am being systematically locked out by arrogant, messed-up people. I'm beating my head against a wall. There is no solution here. There are only years of discomfort and pain ahead. This is not acceptable. I must remove myself from the situation.

What has set my demons free this time? Well, Big Girl says that the afghan I made for her is not at her home. If it is not at her home, where is it? BB and GL say that it is. I think they're delusional. I mean, how do they know that it is? Have they seen it? Does it matter? Yes, it matters. Big Girl says that her afghan is here, but it isn't. It is not on her bed at home like she wants it to be. If it was, she would say that it is on her bed at home. The thing that I spent hours making for her because she wanted it for her bed at home is not there according to her. I am mad that her words are being ignored. I am mad that my request to check on the afghan's location is being ignored. I am mad that my present could be withheld from her because it's from me. I am concerned about my grandgirls happy, healthy upbringing by the people who withheld them from me for four months. Nothing has changed in the communication between the people that my grandgirls live with and me. I feel no support. I am again being told that I'm the crazy one. The Psychological Abuse continues. I must break free. I must break free; so that, I can lead the way out for others. I must break free; so that, I may lead a healthy, happy life. I cannot continue to enable this life-style.

With that in mind, I will not be seeing Big Girl and Little One for a while. I have stated that I will not be around when GL is around. Our relationship has deteriorated again. I annoy her. She behaves one way when the girls are around and another when they leave. It is a dramatic shift filled with a shocking lack of communication. I cannot get through. Furthermore, I cannot get through to anyone who supports her. The more I try the more I am seen as the one who is off-balance. I must remove myself from the situation which means that I will sacrifice seeing Big Girl and Little One for a time; I hope it isn't years.

GL and BB are defending the people who withheld my grandgirls from us. I cannot stomach this. How deep in the sand are everyone's heads? How strong is the denial. I guess when the final, terrible outcome is realized I'll have the dissatisfaction of knowing that I was right all along. It's something to be able to see a situation and know what the future holds UNLESS someone makes a loud popping sound.

I don't know how to facilitate clarity in this situation. I am continually re-evaluating myself to be sure that I am not over-reacting or being motivated by fear and imbalanced emotions. Since I am mad and fearful that my relationship with my grandgirls is hindered and would be blocked if at all possible, I know that my perceptions may be skewed, or it could be that my fears are valid; and everything that I observe is leading to years of struggle to see my grandgirls. Whatever the case, I will write about it; so that, at least my grandgirls will know that I cared and did my best to figure out how I could love them and spend time with them.

AS far as GL and BB, I will write; so that, they may also know that youthful arrogance and hiding your head in the sand are painful ways to live your life. I will write to regain my self-worth and dignity. To live a life as a person who's reputation has been unjustly maligned and continue to seek some validation is difficult. I must remove myself from this untenable situation. It is killing me.

2 Post 1 Day

Well, it's not the end of the day, yet; so I thought I'd write another post since I'm a bit behind. It's been a pretty good day, and I plan on making it even better.

I got to see Big Girl and Little One for about an hour and a half today. That was fun. I introduced both of them to Craisins. They like them! Big Girl and I played for a good long time. We laughed a lot, too. Little One likes "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." Big Girl likes "I Love to Laugh."

I have a ton of homework to do by Monday. Thank God for the snow days this week. I needed a break already. I'll do some of it tonight.

I'm kinda down right now, but "The Big Bang Theory" will be on in less than half an hour, so I know that I'll cheer up soon. There's always some sort of stuff going on in my life that puts me off-kilter. It's a good thing that I'm taking Yoga and T'ai Chi Chih. These will help me maintain my balance and regain my strength.

It's really hard for me, and from what I've heard, other moms to cut the ties with their adult children. It right before they graduate from high school and continues on for however long it takes the moms to cut the cord. It reminds me of weaning foals. Lots of drama and wailing. I think it is easier if the "foals" are "out-of-sight/out-of-mind." I don't know. I'm just trying to discipline myself to focus on my own life. It goes really well sometimes, but most times it's excruciatingly heart-wrenching and confusing. I'm somewhere between heart-broken, furious and extremely empty inside. Again, it is good that I am taking Yoga and T'ai Chi Chih.
They are helping me force myself to focus on my life. I just want the pain to go away.

Course, it's not just the adult children that concern me. I am constantly thinking about what I'm going to do for a job, evaluating my life, and wishing that I had done things differently; so that, I could take care of everyone that I love. I told my Yoga teacher that I must have been a murderer, rapist and terrorist in my past life because I sure seem to be paying for something this time around. Her response set me back.

"Well, if you believe in reincarnation," she said, "then you know that you chose this life to work through your karma."

I'm not sure I believe in reincarnation.

MeeMa and the Evil Wizard

A few days ago, Big Girl crawled up on my lap and asked me to tell her a story about "MeeMa is turned into a statue." It went something like this:

Once upon a time MeeMa met an Evil Wizard. The Evil Wizard looked at MeeMa and said, "MeeMa, I am going to turn you into a statue and take your eyes because I want to see the world through your eyes." With that, "POOF!" He turned MeeMa into a statue and took her eyes. He took out his own eyes, put MeeMa's eyes into his eye sockets and looked at the world. It was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen before. It was filled with love and happiness. It was filled with beautiful colors. He saw joy and hope for the first time. He was no longer an Evil Wizard. As he looked at the world through MeeMa's eyes, he realized that he had to change MeeMa back into a living MeeMa. He realized that he had to give her eyes back to her. "POOF!" The Wizard turned MeeMa back into MeeMa and put her eyes back in her eye sockets. He put his old eyes back in his eye sockets and was amazed. He still saw the world as beautiful and full of love. MeeMa and the Wizard became good friends and were very happy.

When I finished the last word of the story, Big Girl threw her arms around my neck and gave me a big hug. She hugged me for a long time. When she was done, she leaned back, looked into my eyes and smiled a big smile; and then, she hugged me again.

SNOW!

It is still snowing here in the Chitown area. It's coming down hard with big, downy flakes swirling around. The wind has died down a bit, but it's still creating chaos.

Is there anyone else out there besides children who feels like me? It's like Christmas morning for me. It's absolutely AWESOME! It's so pretty and dramatic. I'm really looking forward to going out to shovel. It will be a great workout. It will be fun.

I've been trying to figure out why I react this way. I mean, so many people complain about the snow and rightfully so, but this is my Superbowl.

I've just been informed by one of the local news stations that there are other people like me. News crews that went out to cover this blizzard had some "crazies" like me in them, and they videotaped other people who felt the same way. They just showed video of people playing in the 70 mile/hour wind gusts down in the city. I think we need to form a club.

There was thunder and lightening along with the snow and wind last night. I don't remember ever experiencing that during a snow storm before. That, too, was awesome.

I'm gaging the wind speed by whether or not my office window sounds like a kazoo. It doesn't now, but last night it chimed in with various off-key wails and moans that reflected the outdoor conditions. A gust would shake the house and the kazoo complaining would chime in along with it. This storm had and has a life of its own, and I am enjoying it.

I took a few pictures this morning and will be posting them. They show the four to five foot drifts in our yard and driveway. They show my buried car, and my neighbors shoveling and using their snow blower to cut through over hip-deep snow.

The news has just reported that Punxsutawny Phil did NOT see his shadow, so we'll have an early spring. Kinda hard to believe today. Get ready for Flood Season.

Missed 3 Days!

How did I miss three days of posting in January and not realize it til now? That's a rhetorical question.

My office window sounds like a kazoo. The blizzard is blowing through town strong enough to rattle my cage.

I'm obviously safe and warm at home. BB on the other hand is stuck in Rush Hour Blizzard Traffic on his way home. He traveled about ten miles in an hour. That means that he has another two-thirds of his journey to complete.

Everyone! ... "A Three Hour Tour!" ... and ... "Happy, happy! Joy, joy!" ... and ... "Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow."

It's whipping around pretty well, but not white-out conditions. Mostly just blowing and cold.

If all goes well, I'll have a Snow Day tomorrow and won't have to go anywhere. If it works out extremely well the wind will die down, and I will be able to go outside and play. I want to make a snow creature or two or three.

So that's it for now. I'm going to figure out what I can make for BB for dinner. I think he'll be tired and hungry when he gets home.

Take care, All. I'll be writing more seeing as I have three posts to make up from last month. Can you believe it? One month down in 2011 already. Only three more months of winter. LOL