Elle Woods Lives!

Yep. There I was; twenty minutes late but looking Mar-Vel-Loose! Duh! Sitting there trying to figure out what my "Odd" thing about me was going to be, quickly negating one right after another; all I could think was, "Get me out of here!"

It may happen yet. On Sunday night, my computer stopped shutting down properly. Just NOW the "N" key jumped to it's death. I mean it bounced off the keyboard. Are these signs that I should just not take this course, or are these just obstacles to overcome on the way to my success? Quite frankly, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!

Tired. My back hurts again, and I DON'T like feeling stupid. At least I headed to the Bookstore during break to buy the book, the workbook, and a "thumb" drive (also known as a "jump" or "flash" drive) for $150. Thank God for my credit card.

I'm going to eat my salad, read my hundred pages, do my back exercises, and rewatch "Legally Blonde" ALL NIGHT LONG!

I hope I can drop-off my computer with my son-in-law and his father tomorrow. I said that I'd hire them to fix it since they've just gotten involved in a computer fixing franchise.

... and for all the above banal bitching - YES! I do think about all the serious situations in the world and know my troubles are infinitesimal. I'm glad they are. I'm going to have to work to be my usual "funny when mad" self. Right now I'm just too God-Damned tired, frustrated, and hungry. One cannot eat when one is typing, you know.

Tomorrow is basement during the day and homework on BB's MacBook Pro during the night.

NO N KEY! Can you believe it?! Dang. Maybe I should just take my Student ID number and whatever else I need to get a Mac at like $80/month. It's OH SO TEMPTING! RRRRRrrrrrrr! If I do that, I'm breaking this machine! I don't give a good God-damn if it can be used again or not! It would feel so good to destroy something just for the sheer pleasure of pulverizing something.

Might have to break some dishes tomorrow. I've got plenty to spare - IN THE BASEMENT!

OK. That's it. That's as stupidly enraged as I can get right now. I'm going to rant at BB, and see if I can make him laugh. He's not an easy audience.

OH! ... and there are "mean girls" in my class, too. Elle Woods! I need you!

It's OK To Be Mad

I'm mad. I'm downright furious.

I remember my favorite basketball player, Bryan Luce, used to play better when he was mad. The coach, Steve Proctor, realized this and used it to his advantage. Coach Proctor would purposefully get Bryan mad if he wasn't playing well. It worked every time. Bryan would go out on the court and tear it up. It was brilliant to behold.

With this in mind, I'm off to do the nastiest of jobs that I can imagine. I will be doing this job alone. Typical.

Not much more to say except, "How much is one person supposed to take in their lifetime? How long do they allow themselves to be a doormat for the people they love the most? How long is life worth living under these circumstances? I'm so sick and tired of living a horrific lie. I'm so sick and tired of all the bullshit. It hurts too much, so to protect myself from the pain; I'll get good and mad."

Bit of advice: Appreciate the people who love you, give all they have to you, and make sacrifices to make your life easier. They may not be there one day when you need them the most. Just a few words of caution.

As far as I can see, and I've looked very deeply and very hard; I've made my amends and done whatever I could to beg forgiveness for my mistakes. I forgiven trespasses that many would never forgive. Why then does the bullshit persist? Remember, it hurts too much. I'm doing my best not to break, but it's getting harder and harder; more painful than I can take.

OK, off to tear into this terrible task. No feeling sorry for myself. No self pity. Just pure rage. It's about time!

Here's to angry tears, screaming grief, and ungodly pain all due to unwarranted rejection and ridicule.