"A Clarification"

The following was written on a friend's Facebook page in response to comments directed at me and my comments about the Lindsey Lohan sentencing and the media coverage of it. I stated that I hate my "hometown" and "people." The two women who responded after my comment were upset, so I wrote the following to explain my position more clearly. In fact, while I was writing it, I kept thinking that my time would be better spent writing on my blog.

So here it is, "A Clarification." I have replaced specific names of locations to protect the innocent. I must also emphasize that I only speak for myself and not my parents in the following clarification. I just needed to get a few things off my chest about my life.


ok, it goes like this - i hate "my hometown" in a broad-sweeping general way. i did not claim that this emotional response to "my hometown" was a correct attitude, but it is my honest emotion regarding "my hometown." stating that i hate something is not a display of bad manners. in fact, stating that i hate something, while harsh, is an honest expression of my feelings which are related to too many causing problems for my parents, privately and publicly during my developmental years.

living in "my hometown" did teach me to hate. it's a simple fact. prior to moving to "my hometown", i did not hate. since leaving "my hometown", i hate less and understand more about what to hate and what not to hate. hate is a valid and worthwhile emotion in my psyche. it is honest. for change to happen, an understanding and acceptance of the foundation of the problem needs to present itself first. i would offer that telling children not to say that they hate something is stifling to their emotional development; and that, it is better to acknowledge their feelings and the feelings of all people who hate first. from this standpoint, a dialog can occur about the whys and how to handle strong emotions.

my opinions about how the public, in general, can treat someone in a publicly prominent position stem from how my parents were treated and has been expanded by other public figures that i've known who have been maligned without regard for their humanity. as the years have progressed, i have seen more and more displays of this behavior. since i was specifically raised not to behave in this manner by multiple generations of my family, it is increasingly disturbing to see so many relish the demise of various humans simply because the many like to waste their time gossiping and bad-mouthing as though it is a hobby. i was raised not to gossip. it might be considered a sin in my family for the emphasis that was placed on this lesson.

ms. lohan and her problems present a very public picture of someone who is in trouble. her chosen profession means that her life is splattered all over the news, and it is too easy to forget that she is human and deserves compassion and respect because it is the right thing to do. as to whether or not she has a mental illness, an addiction problem, has made misguided choices, or is being made an example of; her profession is filled with people who are willing to take advantage of her persona for their own profit. it is important that she be as healthy and strong as possible; so that, she can have a successful life. this is not unique to her situation and has relevance in all our lives.

i cannot in good conscience condemn her simply because the point hits too close to home. my immediate family has been subjected to uncaring, dismissive, hurtful, mean people who did not help the situation; and in fact, made it worse. these events did not happen only in "my hometown", so i have a hatred for all small-minded, petty and pointedly harmful behaviors and attitudes. callousness, bigotry and a whole slew of other less than desirable attitudes only serve to widen the chasm. having said all that, i do not let myself off the hook for my negative reactions and broad prejudices.

it's just wrong to kick a person when they're down. it is also wrong to hate the sinner and not the sin. it's reactionary and destructive. my mom's mom was a champ when it came to choosing her emotional state in the face of adversity, and i have not matched her grace. it is a goal, but i must be honest about where i stand now.

as to building up, i was speaking of a prevailing attitude that i have noticed in our political and social arenas. i also think that honest and blunt statements about where a person stands in the moment can lead to resolution and subsequently a building up. ignoring the realities of a situation only serves to muck it up more and create more opportunities for downfall.

i hate "my hometown." i also hate people who pick on public figures who are not presenting themselves as messengers of hatred and only living their lives, however messed up they might be. given these sentiments, what do i do?

as far as "my hometown", i wish it wasn't so, but simply going back puts me in a tailspin. my memories flood back, and i hear more petty and ignorant bitching than i hear in a year where i live. i find more arrogant attitudes than i care to deal with. given this, i do my best to focus on those things and people that i do like such as the architecture, the lake, the circus world museum, my family and two friends. i add new experiences such as seeing eagles and going to hear live music by an old friend's nephew. i do what i can, but ultimately; i fail to fully forgive and get over all the harm that was done. it is my failing and in the name of survival, i go back as infrequently as possible for as short a visit as possible. that's the best i've been able to muster so far.

as to hating people .... well, again, i do recognize that there have been a few who have been wonderful to my family. unfortunately the numbers are severely imbalanced, so it makes it harder to get over. i've also witnessed the destruction of other people's lives while in "my hometown." i could list many, but i'm not going to use names because all are either older or dead; there is no point in bringing them into this discussion. the best i can do is to continually stand up for what i believe and strive to hate the behavior and not the person displaying it. you know the whole sin/sinner thing. it's a very difficult lesson, but like i said, i had this grandmother who raised a daughter who raised me. i will continue to do my best to be as good as they were and are. i will fail a lot. i will succeed a lot, too.

does this clarify things? remember when i write in brief passages, to read what i write. at no time did i say that my feelings were right. i stated my view in a pretty straight-forward way.

i couldn't wait to leave "my hometown" because of the circumstances of my life there. i'm glad i got out and don't go back very often. i'm grateful for the people who were brave enough and insightful enough to reach out to me when i lived there. i am still in contact with two people outside my family in "my hometown." i am being specific about "my hometown", as opposed to, say, "another nearby town."

the hurtful type of people that i described are everywhere, it just so happens that my first exposure to this type of person was in "my hometown." my emotions around this issue are strongest. second on my list as far as ignorant, harmful people would be my ex-family; and then, some of my current neighbors. i'm learning to deal with it a bit better every day mostly by focusing on my children, grandchildren, nice neighbors, and dear friends in this area.

finally, i do not view myself as a victim. i am a survivor, whether i like it or not. i've got a pretty balanced view of life. i am able to admit my own mistakes and take responsibility for them. i also make no apologies for my feelings; they enlighten me on a daily basis, whether they are good or bad.

so enough about me already. damn. this took a good chunk of my day. shit. got to go figure out how i'm going to survive without a job and no unemployment now. think i'm going the way of "facebook friend." off.