My last post upset a few people, so I feel compelled to address this. A simple decent into madness is a disturbing thing to witness, I suppose. It is disturbing for me, but I've seen it so many times that I know it is a part of my life. Rather than fight it, I've decided to go on the journey to see what happens. It's my going forward, so whether it's a good decision or a bad decision; it's my decision.
I've always thought that it is an artist's responsibility to be honest and vulnerable. Our greatest works were created by artists who were brave enough to take the plunge. How many disturbing characters have we relished throughout history? These characters were figments of someone's imagination. That someone dredged up a horrible character for all to see. How did they do it? Did they observe and report? Did they reveal something of their inner world? Did they do both?
The same goes for the best characters and the funniest, you know. Regurgitating the pus and hideousness of life can create something of value. I am searching for value in my life. It is only logical that I puke up some of my demons on my road to self discovery. I know that I am not the only one who has gone through times like these. I also know that since this is my blog, I am finally free to write whatever I want to. Because I am a person of conscience and compassion, I am again in touch with all my inner demons and angels. I am seeking balance. I am also seeking peace.
While my struggles pale in comparison to most, I am greatly affected by them; so for what it's worth, I am taking the time to sort it all out. It may not get me a job or help me lose weight, but it may just clarify a few choices I've made and will make. After all, this is my life. I've lived most of my life caring for others and putting their needs ahead of my own. I'm coming to the conclusion that I've overdone it. I lived my life so much for others that I've almost completely negated my existence. If there is a God, and if this God has a plan for my life; well, I'm taking the time to see if I've completely blown it. I'm throwing a bit of my caution to the wind and seeking my truth. I'm taking baby steps. I will be falling down. I will be rising up. Whether or not anyone wants to read about it or peruse any of my short stories is entirely up to them. This is my blog, and I will continue writing an entry every day (and I'm still behind by one simply due to technical difficulties). I make no promises that my posts will be worth reading every day. I'm simply writing every day. It's an outlet.
So, now I'm off to see where the Princess and her most trusted friend went off to. I do not have to explain what that all means at any time, nor do I have to have it mean anything. Sometimes the gobble-dee-gook of life just needs to percolate for a while. Sometimes, I just need to put stuff out there that even I don't completely understand.
Why are Americans known for wanting happy endings and answers all the time?
Norwegian on the go
2 years ago
Honesty scares most people so much they are willing to stay where they are and who they are so they don't upset those around them.
ReplyDeleteRemember, I did say that I am angry. Underneath depression is anger and possibly self-loathing. Just saw an episode of "The Medium" where self-loathing was a bit of the plot. I love fictional drama and real comedy. Maybe that's the key. Maybe, dramatists have very happy lives, and comedians have very sad lives. That would be weird, huh. Blathering away, again. But do remember that for all my niceness and compassion, I am very angry. I only tell you this because it will help everybody in the end.
ReplyDeleteHow I missed you, Old Friend. You have said with so few words what I have been feeling for so long and struggling with. While no answers to the dilemma have presented themselves, I am content that in one sentence, you have described an eternal plight of human existence. Remember, I have never claimed to be unique. In fact, I am of the strong opinion that I am one of many. Thank you, Dyanna.
ReplyDelete