In Honor of Two Birthdays

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Birthday. The USA will be celebrating it officially on Monday, January 17th.

Today is also Linda's birthday. Linda is another one of my oldest friends. We met at church and slowly became friends over the years. Things really picked up when we both entered Junior High. Things remained pretty tight through most of High School. We ended up going to the same college, so we continued our friendship there. Eventually, I moved to California, and Linda moved on with her life. We lost touch. Like Kaylynn, though, we reconnected many years later.

It was like we had talked yesterday when we did finally reconnect. The things we saw eye-to-eye on were the same. The things we disagreed about were the same. I even think that some of the reasons that we disconnected were the same. Well, at least from my part. Linda's life has moved on to be very happy from what I've gathered, and of course I'm very happy for her. My life has continued to have its ups and downs, and while I may get overwhelmed at times; I'm hanging in there. I know we only wish each other the best.

I always thought it was pretty great that Linda shared Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday. Sometimes I was downright jealous. He's one of my biggest heroes, so you know. It also might explain why we both raised our hands one day in church when our reverend asked if anyone in the congregation would like to be Black. We were the only two to raise our hands. I think we were in 8th Grade at the time. We were young. When we talked later, we both commented about how our parents reacted to our action. If memory serves me right, which it doesn't sometimes, our parents were of the mind that we wouldn't like being Black because it's a more difficult life. Whatever. This was back in the early '70s.

I've always considered my friendship with Linda unique. For many years it was rather clandestine. Linda had a following. I roamed from clique to clique. We'd meet up and go out alone. As I recall, we always had fun. I don't regret a single moment except for one.

The only moment I regret with Linda was when I divulged some very personal information for the first time. It altered our friendship from that point on, or so I perceived. Obviously the change was for the negative. I remember thinking that if she had been in my shoes, and I was in her shoes that I wouldn't have reacted negatively. I was surprised at her reaction and struggled to see if we would remain friends. You know that back-peddling, "OH NO!" feeling you get sometimes in life. Well that was one of them for me. Again, we were young. More importantly, we did remain friends and still are.

I tend to make people uncomfortable sometimes with my openness about the more difficult times in my life. People don't know what to do. Some want to help. Some want to run for the hills. Some want to blame me. Some just drift away for a while and come back when the "crisis" is almost over or has been resolved in some way. I'm learning to keep my mouth shut and my fingers still, sort of.

Here's the thing: I hear so much negativity about areas where I (unfortunately and fortunately) have some personal experience. I feel compelled to confront ignorance and meanness. I use my life as an example. The philosophy and feeling behind it is, "My life has included [that thing]. You like and respect me. Can you open your mind and refine your comments, please?" I'm willing to "fall on the sword" to personify issues when blanket statements are made. I push people. Sometimes, my life is just so painful that I feel the need to talk to a friend about it because I value their input. Too much can be too much, though. Professional therapists have jobs for reasons, you know.

I've grown to respect that all of my friends have their own concerns and would like to be around me to lighten their load, too. This has been a revelation. I didn't just learn this recently, either. I think I really got it when I worked as an ER Registrar and incorporated my Theatre training in the job; "Leave your ego outside the door." Nothing like some real-life drama to make a person understand the important priorities in life.

It's just that sometimes I forget because I get so caught up in my own messes which have proven to be many and occur more frequently than I would like. I don't create all the messes, so coping with them is all I can do. Some of the messes I create, so cleaning them up is what I have to do.

In the Book of Life, I will probably go down as a good-hearted person and who knows what else. I'll leave that up to those who want to decide what box to put me in. I abhor boxes and always have. Thing is that I don't care anymore. I like me and know my long-term capabilities. I also know that I share my emotions on a grand scale sometimes; be they "good" or "bad." I am conscientious about "my audience", though; especially now.

So today is Linda's birthday, and I wish her all the happiness that she deserves. I know she does the same for me; she sent me a message saying just that. That's pretty sweet after all these years of growing up together. For all our differences and similarities, we still care about each other. That's good. It's nice to be complex and compassionate enough to maintain a friendship throughout so many years. It's takes courage, commitment, and caring along with an ability to accept and understand, or if all of that can't be undertaken then at least there is just the loyalty, fond memories and hope. For whatever reason, I've enjoyed the unique qualities of my friendship with Linda. I respect her even if we are 180 degrees apart on an issue or two. Where we connect is through our commitment to our children, and that's pretty awesome. There are other areas, too; but I think that's the main one; seeing as I'm not married and she is married. Maybe our real connection is that we sincerely hope for the best for each other. That's a huge bit of "ALL RIGHT"!

As for Martin Luther King, Jr., well being a child during the Civil Rights Movement, the Poor People's Campaign and the Vietnam War Protests (to name only three) is an experience that opened my eyes to a world outside my safe, secure domain. It was difficult to take as a child, but as an adult; I'm eternally grateful to have witnessed the changes that so many courageous people fought for. The times were violent, inspiring, dramatic, tumultuous, chaotic, and filled with hope, love, and peace. The complexity of the times taught me the joys of a complex life. It taught me the joys of thinking for myself. I'm still working on the whole leadership thing because like Reverend King, Jr., many gave their lives. I am reminded every day that there is more work to be done in all of these areas, though; so I'm rolling up my sleeves and diving in the mud. What the heck. If I'm going to die someday, I might as well die doing something I believe in.

I have a dream, too. My dream is that some day Democrats and Republicans and Tea Partiers and Socialists and Communists and ..... Rich and Poor and .... well, just that EVERYBODY will learn to work together to solve all the challenges that we are facing. I dream of rational discourse focused on finding solutions and the subsequent actions that are taken. I have a dream of compromise that takes into account all aspects of life in the USA and isn't focused on greed. I have a dream and like Martin Luther King, Jr., I'm trying to do my bit because I've had so many friends like Linda and family like my children who inspire me to do what I can to the best of my abilities.

Another lesser dream is that people will not see me as "less than" or pity me because if they do; they're missing the point entirely, and I have a hell of a lot more work to do. See, I know my life better than anyone, and I've been very lucky. Don't fool yourselves. I understand better than anyone who I am and what my life is about. If it blows you away, tell me. We'll have a dialogue. If you disagree, tell me. We'll have a dialogue. If you approve, tell me. We'll hang out and laugh. Shoot, I bet I can make you all laugh no matter how you feel about me, my life, my choices and all the grand issues in life. You see, my main goal is to be ... (wait for it) ... A LOVING, WISE GRANDMA, or shall we say, "A Loving and Wise MeeMa.... and Mom.... who makes people feel good and laugh while still standing up for what 'is right'."

So there it is. Peace be to All, and to All a Good Day.