Rainy Days and Mondays ...

... always get me down.

It's a cold, gray day. I can't seem to shake the blues.

I've done all the laundry. Folded about four loads that had been sitting in baskets for about a week. Washed three more loads. Have folded two of them, and the third is in the dryer. I left BB's clothes for him to fold.

GL and the grandgirls came for a visit. I always have fun when the grandgirls come over. Big girl was full of stories and make-believe. She had a spa and put pickles on my eyes and mud on my face. Little One conquered the sippy cup and wouldn't take a nap for me, but did for her mom. We laughed, so there were moments of respite from my underlying uneasiness.

I tried deciding to be happy; it hurt worse. Felt like stuffing my feelings. I guess I have a few things to be concerned about.

My sis-in-law is having problems with a variety of illnesses that I don't understand. All I know is that she's spending a lot of time with doctors, nurses, needles and hospitals these days. I'm worried for her and for my brother. I hope they find the answers that they are seeking. I sort of know what it's like to go years without a method of treatment that works. My experience had to do with not having a diagnosis for 4 1/2 years. Maybe her diagnosis has changed. It sucks no matter how you look at it. I guess this might be a part of my strange mood.

A family friend had to take his wife to the ER today. That was not good news. My heart goes out to them both. She's been battling cancer for a long time, and he's been her primary caregiver for just as long. It's a tough road, and I just want the best for both of them.

My folks say that they're doing OK, but I'm not sure I believe them. I'm sure that they're worried about their daughter-in-law and son. I know they worry too much about BB, GL, Big Girl, Little One and me, too. I wish they'd stop worrying. It's not good for they're health.

School starts for me on Wednesday, and I'm a bit nervous about doing well in Yoga. We'll just have to see how it goes. I have clean clothes to wear, so onwards and upwards on that one.

I think part of my uneasy feelings today have to do with finding a job and what I kind of career I want now. This is pushed to the forefront today because I just certified for my last week of Unemployment Benefits. I'm now a 99er. Yeah, big old, "Yikes!" there. sigh

Another thing that is bugging me is the frustration of being a parent of adult children. I feel like I get blown off and disregarded too often. To top it off, when I get upset about it; I feel as though "people" write it off as "she's crazy" or something like that. I've been reassured by BB that he doesn't think this way, but I'm honestly not sure I believe him. I think I just annoy the crap out of GL simply due to the "mother/daughter" thing. Another SIGH. Guess I'm tired of not being listened to and walked on. Can't be a door mat if you don't lie down and take it, so guess what I'm changing.

Finally, I'm frustrated that I feel this way and can't hide it. It brings everyone down, and I feel responsible. Argh.

I'm feeling the need to not talk to anyone unless I want to. I've taken to turning off my cell phone. Anybody who really needs to reach me knows the house phone number.

I did do one other good thing besides the laundry and spending time with my children and grandchildren; I called the repair man that my landlord suggested. He'll be here tomorrow to look at what needs fixing. He may even start work tomorrow. That's good.

I think I'm over-tired and over-stressed. Guess I'll sleep for a while.

Tonight I should head to the DAS group. We'll see what the weather's like. The new group dynamic may not work for me. Thought I smelled alcohol on someone last week. There are new members, and I'm just not sure what's going to come of this. There are other options for therapy.

Tomorrow should be better. Seeing a friend and the repairman is coming.