Highland Park Girls Basketball

On May 12th at 5:58am, Chicago Breaking News Center reported that the Highland Park Girls Basketball team will not be attending a tournament in Arizona next season.

The article I read before Sarah Palin got into the picture:

http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/05/highland-park-basketball-team-trip-to-arizona-scrapped.html

(still trying to figure out how to do links on this thing, so you'll have to cut & paste, if you want to read it.)

As I read the article, I couldn't control the memories of my time as a parent of HPHS students, nor could I control the memories of my time as the Girls Basketball Youth Traveling Team's Assistant Coach. They exploded. "Yay! and Yuck!"

I had the good fortune to be chosen to be the Assistant Coach for "the best group of girls to come along in years" for two years. The first year it was for free. The second year I got $250 and a polo. I only mention that because, the $250 and polo kept me from quitting many times. Dang materialist tendencies and need for money. LOL

As a side note, I hated many aspects of coaching and don't know how my dad did it for so many years. I do understand how he got three ulcers in three years, and it was NOT the kids or even his coaching duties. I'd also like to add that I was not a good coach, nor am I cut out for anything other than teaching the basics and making sure the children understand the fun and fundamentals of basketball. I do not have the competitive nature, nor do I possess the strategic mind with which to win games. I am so into the beauty and emotion of the sport that my mind is clouded by just taking all that in during games. I was a good Assistant Coach that hated it when she was put in the position of coaching a game because the Head Coach couldn't make it.

I do not know any of the current Girls Basketball Team members, Coaching staff, School Officials, and parents. I am taking this time to relate a few of my experiences with my players, parents, children, and Coaching Staff AND a few lessons learned that came through embarrassment, struggle, heartbreak, and pride.

Let's get to the quick of it. Emily tried out for the seventh grade team and brought a friend. You know what happened. Emily didn't make the team and her friend did. Emily was the far better player, but her friend had height. Only twelve players could make the team. Thirteen tried out. THIRTEEN TRIED OUT!

Terry, the Traveling Team Head Coach, told me that he and the High School Head Coach, Jon, had discussed the try-outs; and that, Jon had decided to cut Emily. I was outraged and heartbroken. We discussed the decision and decided to wait to tell Emily until I had a go with Jon.

Questioning the Head Coach's decision presented a huge bag of bug-a-boos for me. My dad had been a Head Coach. I'd gone through the turmoil of an Assistant Coach who questioned my dad's capabilities and tactics. He had done this through petitions and newspaper articles, and I had no intention of going that far. I'd heard my dad's side and explanation about a whole slew of issues from human interaction to "don't take things personally" to "he wants my job." I still hate, yeah hate, Mike O'Connell for his actions. I certainly didn't want to be "Like Mike", but, "Come On!"

I failed to sway Jon with all my practical arguments about it being seventh grade meaning we could use extra players because of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, how Emily's true talent as a Point Guard could help the team, and the indignity of putting Marilyn on the team because of her height when she only came because Emily brought her. Emily was the far better player, but I failed. Given my experience and beliefs, I accepted my failure and part of the responsibility for the upcoming difficult times.

I called Terry, told him what he already knew, and he agreed to call Emily and her parents even though I offered. I'd known Emily ever since we got Milo and had to tell her that she couldn't have him. I'd always liked Emily since then. Her parents were nice, too. I did tell Terry to have Emily and her parents call me if they wanted to. They did.

My conversation with her dad was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had. I explained that I thought it was the wrong decision; and that, as an Assistant Coach I was bound by personal beliefs to uphold this poor decision. I expressed my remorse. I asked if Emily wanted to talk to me, but she was too upset.

"Please tell Emily what I've said," I told him, "Please tell her that we KNOW she's a good player and will get better. Please tell her to try out again next year. Tell her to remember that Michael Jordan didn't make his eighth grade team."

The season that ensued was wonderful, but we suffered for this decision in exactly the ways that Terry and I had told Jon that we would. We soldiered on. I saw some of the most amazing basketball that I've ever seen in my life. We all learned, including Emily's friend, to be better members of a team and far more.

The next year with another invite to be the Assistant Coach, a promise of $250 for my efforts and a polo; I went to try-outs fully knowing that as soon as Emily's foot hit the court; she'd made the team. Terry and I agreed to do whatever it took to make it happen. When Emily walked into the gym, Terry and I looked at each other and smiled. We looked at Jon who was oblivious. We didn't tell Emily of our decision.

Whether or my daughter mentioned our predetermined decision to Emily, I don't know. Children will break confidences for their friends' sakes, so if she did; Kudos to her. If she didn't; Kudos to her.

The biggest Kudos goes to Emily for trying out again. I had no doubts that Emily was a fierce player. I had no doubts that she could hold her own with our star players. In fact, I recruited two more players to try out. One of them was Emily's back-up, and just a little less talented simply due to mental fortitude. Emily was strong. Emily showed her strength and more that day at try-outs. I know I betrayed my feelings for her when she walked in the door. I wanted to, discreetly. Don't know how discreet I was. Emily had a great try-out. Emily made the team because of her talent, not because of our predetermined decision.

The following season was dismal. It was the last season that I coached based on so many reasons, but mainly because I didn't enjoy the peripherals of coaching. Oh, to have those days back again in a perfect world. All the girls would've listened to me like Emily. All the girls would've showed the grounded, decision making capabilities combined with the abilities to react instantly to instruction. Emily was my favorite Point Guard because when I asked her to execute a Half-Court 1-2-2 Trap in the middle of a game when none of the other players would listen to me; she did it.

Not only did Emily execute the Zone Defense technique, she did so perfectly. She trapped the ball handler, stole the ball, raced down the court and made her uncontested lay-up more than once! I went nuts, regained my composure enough to instruct my distracted players to play instead of watching me. OH GOD! It was so hard to regain my composure and focus. I wanted to dance all over the court. I wanted to run around like a lunatic simply based on this one MAJOR accomplishment. Dang Coaching cutting into my joy at being RIGHT! Not only did Emily lead the way, the rest of the team followed when they saw that it worked and played to their strengths.

Ahhhhh. sigh. Relief. It felt so good to be publicly vindicated even if I made a fool of myself during the whole affair.

My dad was at that game. It's the only time he ever saw me coach. I had to coach because Terry couldn't make it. I didn't find out til about an hour before the game. It was at Stevenson High School where my brother was an All Conference Basketball player. My children were there, of course. I'd been struggling to sneak in a bit of Zone Defense all season because the girls were well aware that Jon was only going to run Man-to-Man Defense when they got to High School next year. We were losing every game this season. HELP!

After we lost the game by fewer points than before, my dad said, "You sure yell a lot."

I'd asked what he thought of my coaching. Ouch. I know I didn't tell him at the time what was going on, but let me correct that now.

"Dad. Yes. I did yell a lot, and I didn't like it at all until that moment when I lost it because the beauty and emotion of the game took over. I lost it, People. All the frustration of the season was released in that moment of absolute joy. Emily Bellefeuille provided me with my most beautiful moment in Basketball History."

"And Dad, just so you and everyone else knows; I got through so many experiences because you, like Emily's parents, gave me enough good stuff while raising me. The stuff had nothing to do with material possessions. It has a lot to do with taking responsibility, respect, joy, and insight. So many of your words (and Mom's words) have come out of my mouth throughout the years like, 'The best competition is with yourself. If each player brings their best to the court, the whole team is better for it.' Your honesty in the moment may be harsh at times, but you are receptive to discussion and not above apologizing when you make a mistake. That's just a bit of how my parents have contributed to my artistic soul."

Remember the people behind the decisions. Remember that if the children are lucky, they will learn from all experiences. Sometimes the most fruitful lessons come from overcoming bad decisions, or at least I hope so because I've been a party to some doozies.

Thank you, Emily. Thank you to Emily's parents. Thank you to Terry. Thank you to my parents. Thank you to my children for tagging along, keeping stats and managing.

My daughter wasn't good enough for the team, nor did she want to play. She took stats and helped me teach her brother how to keep stats. I did make my daughter practice with the team sometimes. She hated it. My son just ran around.

Guess I'll thank myself for two years of being involved in a pretty healthy activity and including my children. Thank you to all the members of the Park District of Highland Park's 1996 & 1997 Girls Basketball Youth Travel Team. Thank you to a few of the parents, but not all.

No thanks for Jon, yet. No thanks for Mike, yet, either. No thanks to a few choice parents. My nature is not so Pollyannaish (and I have been referred to as Pollyannaish many times) as to say that your decisions and behavior made me a stronger person even if they might be contributing factors because my ability to go forward is a product of an overactive survival instinct coupled with my own brand of "Make the World a Better Place" and "We may lose the game, but the season is not lost." The truth is your bad decisions and actions caused me a lot of pain that wasn't and isn't fun to deal with and has impeded my forward momentum more than helped it. With each passing year, I seem to get a little better at letting go, though. The memories will not go away. Please also understand that I don't let myself off the hook easily for my bad decisions and actions, either. I don't plan on starting to, either. My mistakes are pivotal in how I approach the world. I wish I hadn't made them, but because I have; I do my best to learn more quickly, be more compassionate, and well ... all y'all know all this, right?

Here's to the 2010 HPHS Girls Basketball Team and their Conference Championship! You did what my girls did not, and there were some amazing athletes among my girls. All my best to you in the following days and all your years to come.