Sharper Focus

Once upon a time I worked on a local news show called, Sharper Focus. The goal of the show was to present good news to our communities about our communities. It was a "fluff news" show. I liked working on it because the focus was positive. A new show was aired every three weeks, and I worked as a Cable Access Television Producer for just shy of seven years. Sharper Focus also featured "Year-In-Review" episodes and special events, such as all the local 4th of July Parades and festivities.

I've started going through my Sharper Focus Master Tapes. I've got almost five hours of segments that range in length from 1:30 - 9:00 minutes.

So far, I've seen my stories on the opening of a skate park, a Greyhound Rescue organization, "MacBeth" at Shakespeare on the Green, and the Three Time Small Fry Basketball Champions. I'll be checking out more stories for production value and content, and I have to say that what I've seen so far isn't half bad.

Of course, I'm heading down "Memory Lane" while I do this. I can't help thinking about how low my self-esteem was when I left, and how I let other people determine my perception of my self-worth. This is not a good memory, but I'm in a much different place in my life, now.

I have no problem commenting on a professional level about the quality of my work. Some of my work was very good. Some of it was not. Whatever my professional opinion may be, for the first time in a long time, I feel proud and happy about my work for
Sharper Focus. I'm looking at it with fresh eyes and realizing that for someone who did one summer internship with Public Access and went on to work for the organization that it's not so bad.

I'm being humble. Some of it is great. Yep. I said that.

I'm going to continue to give myself credit for carrying through on a plan. The plan was to get my Bachelor's in Theatre and work in Television. I did it. Once upon a time I came as close to having my dream job as I could imagine.

Working in Public Access allowed me to be close to home; so that, I could be a "hands-on mom." Within a structured framework, I was able to make my own forty hour work week schedule. If hours were long one week, I could take time off the next. The working atmosphere was also conducive to having children at either studio or on location with me. Because my schedule varied and my house was between the two studios, I could drop by my house to check on things, have a meal or pick up my children. It was a wonderfully flexible and wholesome existence that afforded me a a quality of life that I deemed necessary for me as a single mother. One of the best things about being out and about during the day was being able to check back at home when my children were teenagers; thus, thwarting many of their friends' questionable and stupid activities.

(Side Note: It amazed me how bold and downright dumb some of my children's friends and the downstairs neighbor's son's friends were when they were teens. The number of times that I came home to find not my children, but a group of their friends or my neighbor's teenage son's friends smoking pot or rifling through my belongings in my basement was alarming. This only went on for about two months, though. Two months too long, I know; but finally they got the message when I called the police on their silliness. The weirdest thing was that my children were at school involved in activities when all of these instances occurred. I guess that's a good thing except for the fact that some of the friends that they picked had definite boundary issues. The neighbor's kid was just a handful and so were his friends. I personally busted and called the parents that I knew four times; and then, on the fifth time I simply called the cops. I had warned all offenders that I would end up calling the cops if they continued their activities, so they really shouldn't have been surprised. It was hilarious to see them pile out of the basement into our yard and beyond as they ran. Some got caught, and I had to file a police report; but in the end nobody was too harshly punished - by the authorities at least. I have no idea what the parents did, but I do know that I was not liked by many. What's a woman to do? LOL I raised my children the best that I could, and they were smart enough to know that "Mom stops by our house whenever she can and feels like it." I'm not saying my children were angels, but in comparison; they were.)

OK, so that's it for the blog today. I've got a ton of stuff to do on my list, so there is no report. Nothing really to report yet, so off with me. I will be doing a ton of writing today and figuring out what college courses in Early Childhood Development that I'll be taking starting at the end of this month. I really do have a lot to do - Thank God.

What I've realized today and am going to be processing is how my low self-esteem has effected my forward momentum, and how I've changed over the last six and one half years for the better. The issue of low self-esteem and psychological abuse throughout my personal and professional lives has greatly impacted me, but I'm not hiding anymore. I'm headed to find more resources to educate and support me while I continue to - wait for it - Go Forward @ 50.

Take care. All my best to you and yours. Here's to many good days for all of us.